1undone

I am pretty new to this site and very new to recovery so this post wasn't exactly what I wanted to see. I understand the concept of not wanting someone else to tell you what to do because my husband tried. It only made me irriational and rebel more. Why I would want to rebel against a peer that cares about me is beyond me but I did.

I could drink one drink just like you and all of the other said, but eventually progressed and I would be drunk and black out every night. For years I played the game with myself and finally I couldn't come back from it. If you think there are reformed alcoholics - meaning those like me that started to drink moderately you are mistaken.

More power to ya if you can drink socially, most people here can't. That's why we are here. I can understand if you CAN'T understand. And if you can't then I don't understand why you'd be here.

I mean no offense I'm just really desperate to be well and I need no excuse to insanely try a drink again.

GettingStronger2

If it is true that you are an alcoholic as you say, then you are getting support right now. Those of use who realized we were drinking too much -- abusing it -- and tried to moderate or control it, have experience to share with you. We are trying to prevent you the from going through needless pain and h3ll we went through doing exactly what you are doing now. That is support; it just may not be what you want or hope to hear.

Dee74

For about the last 5 years of my drinking I knew I had a problem, so everytime I drank I had intentions of drinking responsibly.

I drank daily then - in 5 years I can count the times I drank responsibly on one hand and still have 3 fingers left.

I never made it because once alcohol enters my system, all bets are off.

In the end I realised that if I have to fight for control, I'm not in control.

I accepted that alcohol was no good for me, in any form or in any amount.
It made me become someone I didn't want to be,

I walked away from alcohol - best decision of my life.

D

BHF

I wish you the best in whatever form of "moderation" you try. But please reread the sentence you originally posted and ask yourself why that is? If anything makes you different and you succeed, it's the fact that you may not be an alcoholic.

i see so far there are others who tried what i am now trying but everyone failed. not looking too good for me, YIKES!

If you are an alcoholic, if you have the mental obsession to drink coupled with the loss of control once you start, you, too, will fail eventually.

Keep coming back though. You're welcome here anytime.

Mcribb

Some people Think moderation is the key. I could never do that, I wanted the feeling of being drunk.

Kmber2010

Glad you are with us D and you have our support.

Seth84

Well, sounds like maybe you're still in the denial stage. That or you aren't an alcoholic. I went through the denial stage for about four years. While I'm far from perfect now, I have at least accepted that I have a problem. For the longest time, I just kept saying I was a heavy drinker. Of course, it was total BS. In the end it was just me trying to make excuses to keep drinking, and drink aplenty I did! Of course you could always check out moderation management. I hear it worked well for the founder... Good luck man.

boston019

Alcoholics that go back to being a responsible drinker? I've never heard of it. I'm no expert, but I think it's clear that looking for examples of people who became responsible drinkers after a period of sobriety means that you haven't let go of the liquor yet, even if you've dried out. Your mind and heart are still holding on the the bottle, even if your hand isn't.

How can you move forward with one foot stuck in the past, holding you back?

suki44883

where is the group of reformed alcoholics who now responsibly use alcohol???

Sorry, but there is no such animal. A reformed alcoholic will not drink at all. If they do, they are not reformed. If they can use alcohol responsibly, they aren't alcoholic.

There is a difference between a hard drinker and an alcoholic. A hard drinker can fairly easily stop abusing alcohol. An alcoholic cannot.

SixStringZen

The truth is, I probably could drink one or two....the fact remains, I don't want one or two...I want all of them...

FreeDance

I so relate to that!!! That's the point I got to, exactly. I'd have one or two with dinner (a few sips before, a few sips afterwards) and I felt somehow frustrated like I wanted more. It was not easy just to switch over to coffee or tea the way it was for my husband. So I started putting liquers in my coffee, then rum, then off I go -- "What else can I drink?"

It's the wanting more after the two that's the problem, and it feels uncomfortable whether I stop there or keep going, just in different ways.

SixStringZen

Exactly...I CAN stop after one or two...and, I CAN stand on my head for two hours...it doesn't make either one fun or comfortable though...

daviddocum

I know two reformed alcoholic's who will have a single beer or glass of wine, once or twice a year and not relapse.

But to be fair they are both in a position where their wives would leave them instantly if it was anything more than that.

I also have a friend who is sober 364 days of the year, and about once a year when I was still drinking he would show up at my place with a 1/2 finished bottle of vodka that we would then finish. And then he would go home and not drink again. That one is partly my fault as he knew I wouldn't tell his wife, every other friend he had would.

But now that I'm sober I wonder if he'll show up this year?

Dee74

how do you know it was only once or twice a year, David?
I know there was a vast difference between what I drank and what I said I drank.

The world is wide....there may be some individuals who can manage to do what you suggest - particularly if the consequences for drinking are stringent enough - but it's not the norm...this forum is full of people who wasted years trying to turn things back.

D

wander2

Too me the only time I drank responsibly was when I had enough and I was already home.. because if I am drinking I am getting drunk and at least that way I didn't drive.

I have no moderation. I learn that again every time I think I do.

daviddocum

Because it was at the close of some very big business deals and I was there.

And it was discussed ahead of time. They would have a drink or two in front of the client and then hand me their beer or wine which I would guzzle down without anyone noticing.

But we would go out on other business meeting and they would never touch it.

michelle01

I've been there. Sometimes after a period of abstinence I've tried drinking again, had one or two and been fine with that, thought 'maybe this could work'. But inevitably I'd be back to my old habit of the whole carton. A painful experiment I don't wish to repeat.

For some people it may work, but it seems fairly rarely, from what I've seen on forums including the moderation based sites. Usually these people wake up and aim again for total abstinence. For some people here, the next drink may be the one that kills them, so it's really not something to take lightly.

refrigerator

I could never "just have" 2 beers. Well, before it became a problem I could. Then it moved to "I can't just have 6 beers, 8 beers, etc". Basically would just drink till I was ready to pass out until the next morning.

LaFemme

Hi darkness and welcome to SR this is a wonderful positive place.

Might I ask for how long you dried out for? There is a forum (sorry I don't know the name) that approaches recovery with moderation. SR pretty much approaches it from total abstinence although there is debate here frequently about NA beer

I'm an all or nothing gal....no way could I moderate or even want to really...if you can and that makes you happy then "atta boy"....I wish you all the best....if you wish to be sober for life you couldn't find a better online community then sr.

BHF

For me, as an alcoholic, if I have a single beer or glass of wine, I have relapsed, regardless of whether anything bad happens or anyone else knows. I know. Why would I want to chance it for one drink, one day a year? Especially if my "wife would leave me instantly" if she knew. The only thing that has changed in this scenario is the amount of alcohol consumed.

I originally just wanted to stop drinking, then I found I needed to change why I drank.