sarah1414

I joined in April made it a week w/o wine. Decided I could drink one night a week which turned into two. Decided I could drink two nights a week which turned to five nights.

I am so tired of the battle with alcohol. I am done. I am powerless. I am too weak to enjoy it sometimes. This time is different...I pray.

I have been to SR everyday and you are all such an encouragement.

Missy, the fact that you have reposted even after failing has inspired me to come back and post. Thank you for your honesty. I have felt like such a loser for being so confident in the beginning and then falling so quickly and giving in.

Some will ask my plan. My plan is to not pick up a drink, not to buy a bottle of wine, continue to read books by alcoholics who have overcome, and come to SR when temptation hits strong. Most importantly is my trust in God who I believe will keep me strong in the days ahead.

Thanks for reading and being there!

Bikeguy

Good for you for coming back sarah1414, don't give up on yourself!

FBL

Keep trying! The rewards of living sober are worth whatever effort it takes.

VeeTee

great plan! stick around - it's so worth it.

vee

ProfessorFudger

Can't say I'm religious but, most important for me is to trust in you, beleive in you, and feel the strength develop day be day, show the doubters you can survive, you can achieve, no in you heart you want to do it for you, if you beleive that much in yourself, nothing can stop you.

Zencat

Welcome back Sarah .

Having a recovery plan is a smart move. I know for myself that I need a daily treatment plan to keep moving in the right direction.

Zebra1275

I am too weak to enjoy it sometimes.

Not to be picky, but it sounds like you might be "on the fence" with regard to long term sobriety.

jimmydean

Don't feel like a loser, just being here and having a plan makes you not one. Keep your focus, just make it through today. Go for a walk or make a list of all the positive things in your life. You have seen the common thread in almost all of the posts, take everything one day at a time.

OklaBH

Glad you are here and made the decision to end the madness! I cherish my sobriety. When thaty thought enters my mind that cured, doing better or just ok enough to drink...I read a few of my past posts. I can't argue with myself when I wrote it LOL

Anna

Welcome back, Sarah!

I'm glad you made it back and that you're working on your sobriety.

opmloser

Sounds like you have a solid plan; I would also like to respectfully suggest that you Google Father Joseph Martin. He saved my skin many years back. He's a priest but he didn't lecture on religion; he was the most straight-forward talker of alcoholism I'd ever heard and his lectures are available on DVD.
I was an alcoholic right out of the gate; I never experienced a social drink. I went straight onto blackout drinking in my teens and stopped at 17. I did relapse about 9 yrs ago and have been sober since. And I took it just 24 hrs at a time - do I miss the blackouts and terrible hangovers? Nope. But did I seek pleasure from other drugs? Yep, that's why I'm here now.
Addiction tries to fool us into thinking that maybe, just maybe, we can drink/use drugs on a casual basis - and we cannot, not ever for the rest of our lives.
Please keep posting-Godspeed on your sobriety!

CarolD

Glad you remembered we are here....

sarah1414

That was then. This time is different. I now really, truly know that I'm too weak to enjoy it "sometimes." Sometimes always leads to too many nights of drinking.

I am in this for the long haul.

Thanks for being picky!

newwings

I read somewhere on here recently (great quote, by the way) "I stopped many times, I quit only once". What a great way to describe it. Your head and heart seem in the right place this time. I can hear the determination in your voice, and I wish you the very best. Glad you are back on SR!

1undone

Wow you described my decade long roller coaster wine/insanity trip. I think I may have gotten off the ride for good and come home from the trip.

I never knew sites like this exsisted so I didn't get to fall on my face "in front" of you all. Wish I had found this place sooner. Now I'm not saying I won't slip up I can't promise anything but today I'm sober.

I do go to 4 AA meetings a week now, I have the books and tools. Easy does it...... Feel like I'm holding the reigns to a horse and the horse (alcohol) could rear and throw me off the saddle any time if I'm not careful.

Dee74

Welcome back Sarah - look forward to seeing you around more
I hope this time can be your time

D

Taking5

Welcome back Sarah. Are you in AA? My sponsor told me if I was still "battling" with alcohol, then I really haven't taken step 1 yet. There is no battle, alcohol has won. This is one of the AA paradoxes. We surrender to win. This really helped me.

FWIW, all of Father Martin's stuff is on you tube as well. I also highly recommend it.

Hevyn

sarah - losers just give up, you haven't. It took me a few tries, but after a lifetime of drinking I now have over 3 yrs. sober thanks to SR and the encouragement I've found here. You can do this - we're all behind you - you will find your way out of the fog!

sarah1414

Thank you all for your kind words and warm welcome back.

Hevyn, thank you.

dgillz, I am not in AA but might consider it one day. I do have a higher power in God, but I have not been relying on Him to deliver me from this addiction. I realize I was battling the alcohol because I hadn't given that part of my life over to God. I am done battling. I already know I have lost the fight and I can't do this on my own. Thank you for caring. I will look into those lectures that have been recommended.

erikm02

You're not the first person to ever relapse.id call you a loser if you gave up and just kept drankin lol