Barely functioning
 

I have been realizing more and more that I am very much an addict and probably have been for about 6 years. I am 20 now and have been drinking for 5 days straight and I can't stop, this is typical for me I constantly go on these benders. When I drink I also tend to do drugs which I have been more and more lately, I don't want to say what but lets just say I'm down for pretty much anything once I have enough drinks in me. I am financially screwed and have very few options, I couldn't afford a rehab for the life of me and actually wouldn't even have transportation at the moment. What do I do I can't control myself anymore, I feel like I'm going to die. Drugs and alcohol have screwed me beyond measure, ******* with my mind and body in ways I can barely comprehend.

Welcome-You're Not Alone!!
 

Hi there- I'm pretty sure the majority of good people in the SR forums have walked in your shoes, myself included. Joining this board was a super beginning for you! I won't lie and tell you that staying clean & sober is easy; I joined here last month and spent lots of time reading through the zillions of terrific threads and I guarantee you that if you do the same, you will see yourself over and over.
Please keep posting and let us know how you're doing.
You're in my prayers!

Please call someone to take you to the local emergency room, or call 911....get to a hospital and tell them the truth...they can get you safely down before you do any more harm to your body, along with counseling and professional HELP.

Yeah hopefully joining here will help me a bit, I don't really know anyone else in my shoes at the moment as I am living far away from my home town and have a lot of trouble meeting new people now being so screwed up all the time. I guess I should just come down today and try to sweat this out.

Hi Again-
Aside from alcohol, what drug or drugs are you using? I ask because most of them are absoluety dangerous to go off of suddenly and I agree that you may need to get to an ER. I'm not trying to scare you, please don't think that. I was in the boat as you, no medical insurance, I'm still in financial dire straits and I live very far from my home and have no friends here.
What I did to come off of opiates and xanax was the slowest possible taper; I started the gradual weaning back in Feb and it has worked for me, so far. I say "so far" because I am not God and can't predict what will happen in a week, a month, or a year, but I know that TODAY I haven't taken anything and I don't want to.
I hope with all my heart that you can sweat it out on your own without the drama of calling 911 but please keep in mind that it's an option for you.
Godspeed!

You can always go to a hospital ER for help or call an ambulance.

Also, the Salvation Army which operates in many, many towns, offers free rehab for anyone who wants it. So you might want to check that out.

I'm ok, starting to sober up. This is now day 1.

Please know that detoxing from alcohol can be dangerous.

Take care of yourself.

Welcome - glad you're here! You really can have a better life without alcohol/drugs. Just take it one day at a time (and do call for help if you need it - I guarantee hospitals see lots of folks like us).

Also, check out the section on substance abuse - you'll find lots of support there too:Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Congratulations on day 1 - hang in there!:wavey:

Notsure...I know it seems hopeless from where you are, but it's not. Keep your eyes on the very simple things, one day at a time. Check your phonebook for the local NA or AA groups. If you call there is often someone (many someones) willing to give you a ride to detox and to meetings, where you will find lots of people with experiences very similar to yours.

If you are having trouble with the withdrawal (and it can be quite dangerous) go to the ER. And keep posting. My prayers go out to you.

I'm coming off alcohol, xanax, and opiates all at once and its brutal. And I was also a "take whatever is around" kind of a guy for many years. So I'm pretty close to being in your same shoes, and I'm only on Day 9 of straight-edge sobriety. Not going to lie, its tough but its sooo worth it. Even now, in the middle of benzo withdrawals and at the tail end of alcohol and opiate withdrawals I feel better than I did when I was using. Mostly because my self-esteem is better having made it this far.

I'm the type of guy though that could never handle a taper like opmloser is doing. If it works for you though it might be the best option. I'm just a rip-off-the-bandaid kind of guy.

If you're in financial dire straits you can always go to NA or just hang out here. No one better to help you through it than others who are in your shoes.

I'd also recommend lots of water, some exercise, simple meditation, and herbal tea.

Stay strong!

Already starting to feel much better now that I've completely sobered up. Have no alcohol in the house and I flushed my drugs. I'm not actually physically addicted to drugs or alcohol as much as I have been someone who compulsively goes on these crazy benders here and there, so I haven't been experiencing any withdraws. Psychologically I am certainly dependent on alcohol for social reasons and depression, and when I am drunk I sometimes start to crave drugs which is really bad for me obviously. I used to be pretty heavy into drugs when I was like 14-17 or so and don't want to go through that again.

As my drug use dropped down my alcohol intake went way up, I made friends with an older group mostly in their 20's who were all active alcoholics and as I hung out with them more and more I started to go over the top myself. I started to show some signs myself as I drank more and more until I went through a series of life crises starting last year or so. I ended up pretty strung out and left far away from home, took a job but continued to drink by myself 2-3 times a week. Then I started going out to the bar often on top of that and I'm sure that I've made a huge fool of myself as I have publicly so obviously spiraled down and fast in a new town where I'm not known except for how drunk I always am now. I had to quit my job and in the mean time can't work due to a drinking related injury from a few weeks ago and I was doing OK for awhile. I was only drinking once or twice a week down from 3-5 before my injury.

Last Wednesday however I started this ridiculous bender that I went on and did unspeakable things and just didn't stop until this morning after I came to this site. I think it is quite clear that I can't drink at all anymore because I always lose control of myself, waste all of my money that I don't even have and do things like take drugs when I don't even think about doing drugs when I'm sober. I have to stop before I actually do become physically dependent and get myself in even more trouble. Nobody's impressed when I go out getting ****** up all the time and I'm not even enjoying it myself anymore either. Cheers to sobriety, I think I can actually do it now.

If you really want this program and are ready to turn your will over to your higher power then for me i would call 911 and by law an ambulance will take you to the er and they have to accept you even without insurance. They will treat you and then you go to a state detox center. Good luck.

Welcome Notsure....glad you are here. Great support site.

Welcome notsure...some good advice here on getting medical support when you come out of benders like that. Many of us can attest to the dangers of detox.

A lot of places now have free or low cost clinics - google your town and free clinics.

Have you ever thought of a recovery programme like AA or SMART or something?

D

yo Notsure (hehe "Not Sure"... has anyone seen the movie Idiocracy?) I think that you will need to be strong to get sober at such a young age.

but it's worth it. I would have killed to get sober at 20. Now it's 7 years later and I've missed out on so much.

The golden years of getting phucked up are behind you, man. Now it's all jails and overdoses and death and pure evil. It just gets sadder and sadder from here on out.

Yeah, I can see how it's going to go if I continue drinking all the time and doing everything that I'm doing. The only reason I'm not in a lot of legal trouble is because I've been very lucky not to get caught. I'm lucky to be alive too, I've really pushed my limits on several occasions. I'm actually still in relatively good health and haven't lost everything yet, so I should take these blessings and do something positive for once. Just eating my first meal in a couple days right now, starting to feel pretty good about myself getting sober.

I'm not at all interested in a 12 step program, I'm very skeptical about anything to do with god and being involved in any type of organized religious/spiritual group. That's something that I want to figure out on my own and I don't think AA would be ideal for me. The SMART program is interesting though, and it seems that they even do online meetings so I might look into it. Going out anywhere like a meeting would always be a struggle because I'm in a small town with no transportation to speak of so online would work great.

Welcome NotSure! Hang in there.

Hey--

At twenty, I had your drug history, and although I was sort of in college (took me six and a half years to graduate) I was drinking pretty much like you did. Glad to hear that you've sobered up, but please please please don't get yourself into your previous state again. Withdrawing from a binge like that can kill a person--seizures and such. If you do so, please get some medical treatment.

I can tell you--I'm in my mid-forties--that you don't want to rob yourself of your life. Your brain is still changing. Heavy alcohol use can f*ck that process up pretty badly. There's some science out there that says young alcohol abusers lose the ability to learn from negative consequences of their drinking, and although they can *recall* things that happened as a result of heavy drinking, they just don't learn from those experiences, and repeat them.

Looking back, I should have joined up with the Straight Edge ppl. Knew a few, but thought they were squares, or whatever ppl call them these days. Henry Rollins is a great example.

If you find 12-step groups helpful, someone in one might be able to guide you to a sober living house, where abstinence and accountability are stressed.

Hope you're feeling better. Peace to you,

freerad