eaglette

Long story short, I went to a surprise birthday party for my R(?)ABF's sister. BF and I fought on the way there. Tons of people were there, including BF's ex-GF, who I dislike intensely and who he feels inclined to resolve old issues with. Everyone except the two of us were drinking, and lots of people were smoking weed too. BF (recovering opiate addict) has been smoking weed for a few weeks now and was also partaking. I turned it down. I stayed sober, including missing the birthday shot, for a few hours. I ended up walking around awkwardly amongst all the drunken/drinking people, feeling irritated, isolated, and conflicted.

I ended up having a great time at the party, and even when I was drinking I did not smoke pot any of the times it was handed to me.

I tested the waters of being able to drink without smoking, and I was successful. I also did not get completely obliterated, nor do I feel inclined to go out drinking again right away.

However, I do see why people say you need to be completely sober in order to recover. I was drinking for fun, but also largely in order to alleviate the isolation and awkwardness of the situation. Also, as soon as I took the first shot, I did become much more likely to smoke. I really wanted to and almost did. Also, I felt the pull of addiction, and synchronicity pulled me in that direction. For example, on the third and final shot of the night, I noticed that the (alcoholic) sweet tea bottle I was drinking had the word "WEED" on it in large letters...I briefly considered that I was being led by the universe in that direction. I still did not smoke, but upon further consideration, I do see how I was being led that way by alcohol.

I was on day 38. Now I am back to day 2. It's extremely frustrating, but I am going to give this another shot.

VeeTee

Shame that you lost your 38 days - but if you've learned something then there's no need to be too frustrated about it. You had over 5 weeks - that is some decent sober time.

V

Anna

I had to stay away from alcohol and anything involving alcohol for quite awhile when I began recovery. It took quite awhile before I felt comfortable in those situations.

artsoul

Hi eaglette - those 38 days still count and you got through the night without smoking, so all is not lost!

Another good thing is that you're being honest with yourself about it - you saw how easily you could get pulled back to where you were before. It can't be easy, either, when your BF is smoking. Does it bother you at all and have you talked about it with him?

Keep at it, one day at a time. All we really have is NOW and we can make choices that help us be the best we can be. Hang in there!

eaglette

V and Art--thank you for the encouragement. I am not too down about it, just mad that I have to reset my clean clock. But I am proud of the 38 days, and ready to get right back to it. I am glad for the experience because now I know what people are talking about when it comes to the importance of complete sobriety, and I won't be fighting myself on that point every time someone offers me something to drink. It was just one of those lessons which I had to test for myself rather than relying on the personal experience of others.

Anna--I agree that avoiding situations like that altogether is probably the best option for me right now. It is tough because I am just learning to be social again, but I really do not feel like being the lone sober person. I can see myself being fine with it one day, but right now it is not my cup of tea.

and Art--Yes, it does bother me a lot that he smokes pot. I just made another thread about trying to establish healthy boundaries with this because I don't know where to start with it. We have danced around the subject, but I am not in a position to have any kind of debate about it. Of course I can see the points he makes defending his usage of weed--I have been smoking for seven years and used the same arguments. If I didn't understand where he is coming from regarding weed on a personal level, I wouldn't be where I am today. I am ready to leave addiction behind. I also acknowledge that he has come a long way in a short period of time in that he has left the opiates behind completely and also abstains from everything else. It seems like weed to him is what alcohol is to me, but on a much larger scale in that the severity of his addiction is much more prominent than mine. I am not sure how to handle it. I am just focusing on myself right now.

artsoul

Good for you - that's all any of us can do really. It really is freeing when I can let go of worrying about what others are going to do.

(I just realized I'm trying to recover from worry/fear - not just alcohol. wow...... Maybe that's why "one day at a time" has been so helpful for me - I'm much more peaceful when I just deal with life as it comes). Your post helped me see this.......

Have a good day!

Dee74

Rather than losing 38 days I think you gained a pretty valuable lesson eaglette?

D

Zebra1275

Putting yourself in that type of social setting, particularly in early sobriety, is pretty dangerous as you found out.

StPeteGrad

At 90 days I still haven't been to a bar (why would I when I don't drink) or even a baseball game. I've got tickets to a game coming up in a month with a customer and his wife... I'm already starting to mentally prepare.