Again.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 29
Again.
Hello all. I have come to the realization that I need the support of this forum in order to succeed. I don't have access to AA and live quite a long way from town, so this is really my only support network.
I realized yesterday that I have a problem with alcohol. However, I am not an alcoholic. I have stated before that I feel extremely guilty for drinking (even just sharing some wine with my husband) and I think that I now know the reason. I have spent my life surrounded by alcohol. My father is an alcoholic (10 yrs sober) and I married a man whose mother is an alcoholic. She was actually sober for 16 years, but gave up on that 1 1/2 yrs ago. She is now worse than she ever was, totally smashed yesterday morning at 8 am! I believe that this causes my guilt with alcohol for a couple of reasons. 1--somewhere deep down, I am afraid that I will become them 2--I HATE the effect that drinking has on people and feel guilty for doing something that I can't stand.
SO...to me, my only option is to quit drinking all together. My husband and I spoke yesterday after he discovered his mother drunk at that time of the day. He agreed to quit with me and to try and take some of the "focus" off of the booze. If we have family over for a meal, we are going to make it clear that there is to be NO alcohol. Is that unreasonable? We have 2 children and don't want them to have to live with the memories, guilt, shame, etc. that we both endure on a daily basis from growing up with an alcoholic parent. The cycle stops NOW.
Here we go. Day 1. Again.
I realized yesterday that I have a problem with alcohol. However, I am not an alcoholic. I have stated before that I feel extremely guilty for drinking (even just sharing some wine with my husband) and I think that I now know the reason. I have spent my life surrounded by alcohol. My father is an alcoholic (10 yrs sober) and I married a man whose mother is an alcoholic. She was actually sober for 16 years, but gave up on that 1 1/2 yrs ago. She is now worse than she ever was, totally smashed yesterday morning at 8 am! I believe that this causes my guilt with alcohol for a couple of reasons. 1--somewhere deep down, I am afraid that I will become them 2--I HATE the effect that drinking has on people and feel guilty for doing something that I can't stand.
SO...to me, my only option is to quit drinking all together. My husband and I spoke yesterday after he discovered his mother drunk at that time of the day. He agreed to quit with me and to try and take some of the "focus" off of the booze. If we have family over for a meal, we are going to make it clear that there is to be NO alcohol. Is that unreasonable? We have 2 children and don't want them to have to live with the memories, guilt, shame, etc. that we both endure on a daily basis from growing up with an alcoholic parent. The cycle stops NOW.
Here we go. Day 1. Again.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,894
No, it is not unreasonable...your house, your rules. It won't bother people who don't have a problem with alcohol anyway. Just curious though...if this is day 1 again, why were you not successful the previous time(s)? Just wondering why you say you are not an alcoholic but have been unable to stop drinking. I'm not attacking you or trying to be rude, I just wonder why you made it a point to say you are not an alcoholic.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,492
Good for you!
And, since I've been in recovery, we never keep alcohol in the house, nor do we ever serve alcohol. I remember Betty Ford doing an interview and stating that, after she stopped drinking, they never served alcohol in the White House.
And, since I've been in recovery, we never keep alcohol in the house, nor do we ever serve alcohol. I remember Betty Ford doing an interview and stating that, after she stopped drinking, they never served alcohol in the White House.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 29
Suki-
I say that I am not an alcoholic because I am not. I don't drink everyday, don't rely on alcohol to get me through my life, don't even have the craving for the stuff. My husband and I drink a bit socially (can always stop drinking when/if I want to, as can he) and we share an occasional bottle of wine with dinner some nights. I will also say that I quite enjoy a very cold beer on a very hot day. I guess that I made it a point to state that I am not an alcoholic for ME. I think that it is an important part of my "process" in determining the reason for my guilt about drinking and in supporting MYSELF in this process.
Anna--we don't keep alcohol in our house now, so that won't be a bit hard to do. The hard part will be enforcing the limits on family members. In the past, when my husbands family shows up for a get-together, they bring several bottles of wine and AT LEAST one cooler full of beer. THAT will be the hard part of this, but I am convinced that if we do this, maybe it will somehow turn a light on in my MIL's head and she will see what she is doing to herself and her family. Maybe somehow by the two of us committing to NOT drinking, she will see that it is not a necessary part of life. Probably me being naive, but it can't hurt anything to try, right?
I say that I am not an alcoholic because I am not. I don't drink everyday, don't rely on alcohol to get me through my life, don't even have the craving for the stuff. My husband and I drink a bit socially (can always stop drinking when/if I want to, as can he) and we share an occasional bottle of wine with dinner some nights. I will also say that I quite enjoy a very cold beer on a very hot day. I guess that I made it a point to state that I am not an alcoholic for ME. I think that it is an important part of my "process" in determining the reason for my guilt about drinking and in supporting MYSELF in this process.
Anna--we don't keep alcohol in our house now, so that won't be a bit hard to do. The hard part will be enforcing the limits on family members. In the past, when my husbands family shows up for a get-together, they bring several bottles of wine and AT LEAST one cooler full of beer. THAT will be the hard part of this, but I am convinced that if we do this, maybe it will somehow turn a light on in my MIL's head and she will see what she is doing to herself and her family. Maybe somehow by the two of us committing to NOT drinking, she will see that it is not a necessary part of life. Probably me being naive, but it can't hurt anything to try, right?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: South Dakota
Posts: 1,061
It's your house and when you have guests over they should follow your rules on drinking and I think you are setting a great example for your kids. Just remember to talk with them about alcohol so they don't pursue it like some forbidden fruit when they leave home.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: God's Grace
Posts: 2,464
Originally Posted by artsoul 
Welcome back -congrats on day 1!.... This place has helped me so much, too.... I found I just couldn't stop on my own.
Hang in there, one day at a time!
Hang in there, one day at a time!
It is awesome what you are wanting to achieve for your family.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 4
Welcome! I am new here too. I don't think it is unreasonable to enforce a "no alcohol" rule in your own home.
I also wouldn't worry too much about the "alcoholic" label. I don't think it really matters what you call it; you want to quit, you have your reasons, and we are here to support you. Good luck!
I also wouldn't worry too much about the "alcoholic" label. I don't think it really matters what you call it; you want to quit, you have your reasons, and we are here to support you. Good luck!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
welcome back Trying2
I don't think it's unreasonable at all. It's the way it is in my house.
I think getting your husband on baord is a great first step
I hope you and your family will find this a turning point
D
I don't think it's unreasonable at all. It's the way it is in my house.
I think getting your husband on baord is a great first step
I hope you and your family will find this a turning point
D
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