im really down
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: toronto canada
Posts: 181
im really down
broke up with the love of my life two weeks ago through drinking.
im so down i feel suicidal.
my life is so empty without her /i dont even want to get out of bed in the morning.
dealing with this and alcoholism is way too much for me.
i wish god would take me....
the pain is unbearable:
im so down i feel suicidal.
my life is so empty without her /i dont even want to get out of bed in the morning.
dealing with this and alcoholism is way too much for me.
i wish god would take me....
the pain is unbearable:
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: South Dakota
Posts: 1,061
I'm sorry to hear of your heartache ulverston, please go and get yourself some help. Walk into the ER and explain your depression and alcoholism they can get you immediate help and guidance for down the road.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,509
Ulverston, I am so sorry.
Please go to an ER and ask for help, call 911 and ask for help.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html
Please go to an ER and ask for help, call 911 and ask for help.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 478
(((Ulverston)))) I agree with Bikeguy--if you aren't willing to do that, please call Crisis Hotline--you can dial 211 in Toronto for the number--I know it seems like those feelings will never go away, but they will. It's just so hard to get through them and come out on the other side, where that dull ache is all that's left. You will, though. It's a natural process you are going through, painful as it is! Keep posting.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Ulverston - I'm so sorry that you're going through this kind of pain. Is there anyone you can call to take you to the hospital? Please don't try to deal with this by yourself.
Keep posting - we're here for you.
Keep posting - we're here for you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: California
Posts: 624
The advice here is great. You don't have to suffer like this.
God doesn't want to take you - you aren't ready. I am glad you posted to this forum so you can see that people, even if you don't personally know them, understand how you feel and know how you can get better.
When you get up out of bed, please make sure it's to go seek some help, or at the very least, please talk to someone. You don't need to be alone.
God doesn't want to take you - you aren't ready. I am glad you posted to this forum so you can see that people, even if you don't personally know them, understand how you feel and know how you can get better.
When you get up out of bed, please make sure it's to go seek some help, or at the very least, please talk to someone. You don't need to be alone.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: TN
Posts: 162
I'm sorry that you are feeling this way, especialy suicidal. I would agree that you need to seek medical/psychological assistance...more help than you cn get from this board. However, I can tell you that it has happened to others, at least myself, and for me, it did get better with time.
Almost one year ago, a relationship ended badly with a woman that I was in love with. Also, my drinking had alot to do with it. For the longest time, I was mad - at her, at me, at anything. I coped with it by drinking even more and acting out in other ways. It didnt help. She was still gone and my life got worse at the exact time that I needed it to get better.
I wasn't suicidal, although I was severely depressed, and like you, didn't want to get up and face the day. I didn't want to end my life, but I didn't want to live it, either. I ended up drinking myself to the point where I had no other option than to go to a long-term residential treatment program where I could "get away" from it all. I still thought of her regularly, but eventually it passed. I still regret that the relationship ended the way that it did, and I still miss her at times, but I don't pine over her the way that I did initially.
I was able to determine that althoug, yes, I loved her, my refusal to deal with and accept the break-up was in large part due to my alcoholism. I had become dependent upon her for my happiness, like I was dependent on alcohol to deal with different emotions that I felt in life. When she was removed from my life, I didn't know how to replace her ina healthy way. I also realized that I drove her out of my life in large part due to my alcoholism and obsessive behavior. Im not saying that this is what happened in your case, but it was in mine.
Nothing that is said will make it any easier, but it did help me to hear others tell me from personal experience that it would get better over time....and it has.
Almost one year ago, a relationship ended badly with a woman that I was in love with. Also, my drinking had alot to do with it. For the longest time, I was mad - at her, at me, at anything. I coped with it by drinking even more and acting out in other ways. It didnt help. She was still gone and my life got worse at the exact time that I needed it to get better.
I wasn't suicidal, although I was severely depressed, and like you, didn't want to get up and face the day. I didn't want to end my life, but I didn't want to live it, either. I ended up drinking myself to the point where I had no other option than to go to a long-term residential treatment program where I could "get away" from it all. I still thought of her regularly, but eventually it passed. I still regret that the relationship ended the way that it did, and I still miss her at times, but I don't pine over her the way that I did initially.
I was able to determine that althoug, yes, I loved her, my refusal to deal with and accept the break-up was in large part due to my alcoholism. I had become dependent upon her for my happiness, like I was dependent on alcohol to deal with different emotions that I felt in life. When she was removed from my life, I didn't know how to replace her ina healthy way. I also realized that I drove her out of my life in large part due to my alcoholism and obsessive behavior. Im not saying that this is what happened in your case, but it was in mine.
Nothing that is said will make it any easier, but it did help me to hear others tell me from personal experience that it would get better over time....and it has.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 83
Ulverston, I was in a similar place to you. Take everyone's advice and get help. But know this, if it's meant to truly be the love of your life…after you sort yourself out, it might just happen. I know it's hard losing someone when you're going through recovery, but you need to recover for yourself, you can't live your life chasing the bottom of a bottle. I too have been there.
With proper help, SR, and maybe another support group like AA you can do this!
With proper help, SR, and maybe another support group like AA you can do this!
MIND OF DESTRUCTIVE TASTE
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 744
I am so very sorry Ulverston that you are suffering so badly. Here are some ((hugs)) wish we could comfort you in person as another mentioned above. You've gotten some good advice, please hang in there, we're here for you
-Jess
-Jess
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 35,731
I'm sorry this happened to you ulverston. We never know what tomorrow brings. Get some help with this and find out. It's hard in early recovery to deal with a break up. Our emotions are all over the place. All we can do is move forward in a positive manner and the rest seems to fall into place.
Best Wishes To You! :ghug3
Best Wishes To You! :ghug3
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: toronto canada
Posts: 181
thanks everyone.
today was very very hard on me.
it felt like i was carrying a hundred pounds on my shoulders all day.
the depression was almost unbearable..
i work on ladders for a living..and at times i just felt like jumping...obviously i didn't.
went to the drs yesterday and he prescribed some cipralex...
i dont want to take anti depressants..but i think i am clinically depressed and need something to get me over this terrible feeling of depression.anxiety and loneliness..
i live on my own and have a lot of bills to pay..and lots of customers to satisfy...
so im the only one who can keep my house running...
it feels like one more blow and ill be outta the game for good..
im on a knife edge..
this is all my fault....if i didn't drink my life wouldn't be such a effin mess....
it's lost me my golden hearted woman whom i adore...
hopefully in theese coming days /weeks i can get back to some form of normallacy..
it's just that when i feel so low alcohol seems to be the quickest solution out of pain...
but i know better than most that it is a big big lie......
the real pain awaits after the drinking stops..and few will know the loneliness of the alcoholic the torturous withdrawls....
you guys have been most kind ..thank you for your words of encouragement...
im not normally not a depressive kind of person,but when all the **** hits the fan at once in every area of life, it can be unbearable...i have broad shoulders but not that broad.
went to two aa meetings in the last 24 hrs..
really great bunch of people..
lots of support..
but you know what ? when you come home and close the door and your on your own..
then the sadness seeps in and surrounds me....
or the first light of dawn when i wake up and realize whats happened//that hurts..
i know my story is an every day occurence..but i can only feel my own pain..sorry for being such a suck
today was very very hard on me.
it felt like i was carrying a hundred pounds on my shoulders all day.
the depression was almost unbearable..
i work on ladders for a living..and at times i just felt like jumping...obviously i didn't.
went to the drs yesterday and he prescribed some cipralex...
i dont want to take anti depressants..but i think i am clinically depressed and need something to get me over this terrible feeling of depression.anxiety and loneliness..
i live on my own and have a lot of bills to pay..and lots of customers to satisfy...
so im the only one who can keep my house running...
it feels like one more blow and ill be outta the game for good..
im on a knife edge..
this is all my fault....if i didn't drink my life wouldn't be such a effin mess....
it's lost me my golden hearted woman whom i adore...
hopefully in theese coming days /weeks i can get back to some form of normallacy..
it's just that when i feel so low alcohol seems to be the quickest solution out of pain...
but i know better than most that it is a big big lie......
the real pain awaits after the drinking stops..and few will know the loneliness of the alcoholic the torturous withdrawls....
you guys have been most kind ..thank you for your words of encouragement...
im not normally not a depressive kind of person,but when all the **** hits the fan at once in every area of life, it can be unbearable...i have broad shoulders but not that broad.
went to two aa meetings in the last 24 hrs..
really great bunch of people..
lots of support..
but you know what ? when you come home and close the door and your on your own..
then the sadness seeps in and surrounds me....
or the first light of dawn when i wake up and realize whats happened//that hurts..
i know my story is an every day occurence..but i can only feel my own pain..sorry for being such a suck
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,509
You never need to apologize for coming here and sharing your honest feelings. There are times in life when reaching out is the most courageous thing we can do.
This is a place where we really do understand each other. We've all been through a lot of dark stuff to get here, and I can promise you there is hope.
This is a place where we really do understand each other. We've all been through a lot of dark stuff to get here, and I can promise you there is hope.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 478
it IS your pain, and that means everything---don't let anyone take that away from you by saying things like "you think YOU'VE got it bad...you should....". Sounds like you are doing all the right things, working through your grief. That 100lb horse blanket that covers you will begin to feel like light goose feathers, and then, nothing at all, and you will feel like the real you again. Hope. Keep Hope and nothings lost.
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