hoping2quit

Well I gave in! Stress got the best of me! Arrgghhhh! Tuesday I stopped picked up a pint drank most of it and the wife noticed I was "acting funny" told her I took a vicatin for my knee. This morning she brought up why I had an almost empty pint in my tennis bag. Of course I said oh wow that has been in there a while, almost immediately I retracted that and said I slipped and I'm sorry. I asked her why didn't you tell me last night? and she said well since we were having such a great time with the kiddo she didn't want to ruin a nice night but told me this morning. So so glad she found it and was by total accident. We were playing with tennis balls with the baby in the front yard and I hit it over the house, went to the back to get it and she had looked in my bag to get more and that is when she saw it. I'm so glad because this morning I was already contemplating getting another one tonight. So long story short we had a good discussion and I told her I think I may go to a few meetings to see if it is for me. I'm sorry to disappoint some of you and I failed. Still at this though and I'm going to keep thinking positive, I truly believe I can eventually tackle this monster! Having a good morning and gotta get some work done. Great day everyone!

Missy7

I'm so, so glad you're back. I've been worried about you (while I slip and slide all over the northwest). We need to get our acts together H2Q!!!

Wait till you see my post this morning. OMG

hoping2quit

Thanks guys, its just a drag to feel this way when I was on such a good roll. i should have went to the gym Tuesday! I was so stressed and on a mission to relieve it and had the ole "one time whats the big deal" voice in my head and drove straight there to get it. One thing that did happen was I gagged and dry heaved like 4 times trying to get it down. My body was like "what the hell" and my mind was like "get it down". So at least I know what that feeling is like after not drinking for 3 weeks. I'll be sure to check in at least once a day.

Jabbadabutt

Hey H2Q, sorry to hear about the stumble. We are here to help not scold. I went back and re-read your posts to get the big picture here. I suggest you do the same. Re-read your posts. Remember how happy your were to be sober, how it got better with time. It gets easier with time too, if you give it enough time as well (I gave myself one year - NO DRINKING for one year period -- I will start with that, work on it, get conseling, be honest/transparent with my wife, and so far.....i am sober and am not looking back). It's great that you are open about it with your wife and she supports you, but the lies must stop here. I have no magic method to be sober but I know that it takes a ton of work (besides white knuckling it and just not drinking) including getting some outside help besides SR (just my suggestion). Determine what is right for you, but be willing to accept help, and seek help. I hear a lot of similairities in us, so I am eagerly hearing more from you. Do it for you, do it for your family.

newwings

Glad you are back, H2Q...I just need to let you know you I don't view your slip with disappointment at all. You are still my quit buddy whatever, so I am glad you are here again - keep checking in. I DO notice when you aren't here, you know!

I was reading the bit about where you were gagging to get it down, but forced yourself through it. I wonder..if you are THAT strong willed to do that, there must be a key out there to turn that willpower into keeping you quit. It's THERE, within you..I think getting more support will help you discover how to turn it around. Keep pushing on, my friend!

hoping2quit

Thanks Jabba and newwings! I do have that will power and I look back to Tuesday and think I really can't believe I did that. With all the good feelings I was having, why did I think that was going to make me feel better? Want to thank you for posting and taking the time to care. Hope you have a great day!

bellakeller

That's not accountability. That's called "getting caught". When that happened to me, I just tried harder not to get caught. Don't make your wife your alcohol police. It's not fair to her and it's not her job. That's your job now. Being accountable to yourself is what's going to really help you.

Glad you made it back here. Much love.

keithj

Just something to consider hoping2. On Tuesday, it appears you didn't have sufficient willpower. Today, you are convinced that you do have it.

What has changed, in the past two days, to give you a sudden increase in willpower?

eaglette

I agree with Bella. As a person who is learning to deal with codependency issues, I would balk if my boyfriend expected me to be his addiction police. It's not fair to put her in that position. It's not healthful to her, and it would only damage your relationship in the longterm.

Dee74

Welcome back H2Q

Whatever you do, whether it's meetings or something else, do add something to what you've been doing - step it up a notch...

we definitely get out what we put in in this deal
D

hoping2quit

Bella... I guess that came out wrong. I know I need to have accountability for myself but I was thinking that when I let her know a few weeks ago it made me have a more sense of it. For her and my family, I mean I surely don't expect her to go and check everything every day but it was nice to have in general. It gives me more will power knowing that she knows and she is there for me when I need her. Yes I got "caught" but it also gave me some realization that since she knows, I can't hide it like I did before and if I feel the urge to drink I want to go to her first and share my feelings. I certainly realize I can't rely on her but I can rely on support and encouragement right? Oh and my spelling is horrible.."vicodin"