Trying to Cut Stress
 

This is my third serious attempt to gain long-term sobriety in the past month. I've had 13 days, then 6 days, and a couple of 2 day stints. I'm currently on Day 2 and feel pretty good.

I'm a serious stress case though, and one of the silly stressors in my life is this weight loss challenge I have been in with a friend. She and I did it for 10 weeks in January/February and we together lost 7% of our body weight. I did not want to do it again but signed up for solidarity for her--she is a lot heavier than I am. The diet is an insane 970 calories a day.

But as I have yo yo'd with the booze this month, I have put on weight. The program includes public weigh ins where gains are announced to about 50 people. So last night I called her and told her I was going to withdraw. I know there are a couple of women in there who need partners, one of whom was my friend's partner in the past. I recommended to her that she join the other woman and, in fact, wrote the program to ask they facilitate that. I cited "other personal goals" as my reason.

So, here is the question. I knew I shouldn't try to do this right now. I will be watching my diet a little, but I cannot handle the stress of getting on that scale in front of people and either having gained or not lost enough for us to win. Competing at this most basic level is a bad idea right now. And if I told her, "hey, I'm not as concerned about my diet because I'm quitting drinking" she would tell people. (we work together--sort of--and I know for a fact she will use that information). What can I say that will "cover" this?

So now I'm in trouble as a quitter when it's exactly the opposite. She will shun me, and she can, but I can't worry about this right now. I'm trying to gain control of my life.

Why not just say, IF asked:

"I have some personal issues going on in my life right now that I am NOT at liberty to discuss."

I will also comment on that 970 calories a day. If you talk with any dietitian or Dr they will tell you that, any diet that is below 1000 calories for females and 1200 calories for males is very hard on your body. Makes your body think it is starving and thus the body will start to retain what it can which is usually fat.

Of course with the calories in booze it would also be hard to maintain a healthy food regimen.

I am glad you are willing to try this again. You can do this, as many on here have done, and you will be amazed at how great living sober is!!!

Love and hugs,

I would say "I don't want to do the WL challenge because 970 calories a day is for adolescents and people with eating disorders. I am neither so it's a bad idea." ;)

Well, first of all, I know it's hard, but for me, honesty in early recovery was the only way. That doesn't mean you need to tell her or anyone your story. For me, it meant I needed to learn to say 'No' and have others accept my word. No explanation is necessary.

And, I agree with you that the drinking is the bigger issue. The weight loss can be incorporated into your recovery at some point, but right now, I would feel that focusing on sobriety is more important.

I would focus on the quitting drinking, once you get you a handle on that the rest will fall into place with time. Take it easy on yourself, one thing, one day at a time.

7 - In the short term, I believe you'd do well to minimize voluntary activities that have the potential to produce stress, shame, and/or guilt. In early sobriety there is already more than enough of these three toxins.

Hi Missy-

Why make this harder on yourself?

Focus on quitting drinking for good. I've read some of your other posts and you've got "bigger fish to fry", mainly your alcoholism and your husband.

Keep it simple.

Kjell~

I do Crossfit workouts and is a great way to relieve stress. The diet we do is called a cave man diet. The calories are not a concern but the main thing is carbohydrates. Last summer I dropped about 25 lbs in three months and felt great. I have found walking is a great stress reducer and with a low carb diet you will see the weight really come off and will feel great. Good foods to eat are eggs, plenty of vegtables, fish, seafood and meat.
Good Luck !

Thanks guys. I will just post what is up each day this round. It is how I made it to 13 days the first time around then I tried it without posting and it didn't work. So sorry. I'll try to be interesting.

You don't need to be interesting to post Missy, sometimes boring is a great thing. You can do this!! Take care of yourself.

Don't worry about being interesting Missy - you'll help others too by being here, but right now it's ok to be here for you.

I agree with Anna and kjell - there are bigger fish to fry - and although you feel this woman needs an explanation she doesn't really...you did it to help her out, it's not working for you...I find a simple no to be extraordinarily effective :)

D

Hi Missy - you're doing the right thing. I had to keep my stress level really low in early sobriety, too. In fact, I didn't do much of anything for a weeks, except the minimum (dishes in the dishwasher, take a shower, etc.). Spent a lot of time here.......

Hunger can also be a big trigger and you don't need that right now. Hang in there and congrats on getting to day 2. Keep posting!:ghug3

Missy I dont know how anyone can diet and give up booze all at once I took to eating ice cream like there was no tomorrow but I did take up walking and found it is good to keep the weight under control as well as clearing the head I always feel so much better after a walk , great stress relief.

What's more important? Losing weight or not drinking?
I know it's hard, but what other people think doesn't always matter, in fact it rarely matters. If you want to like yourself don't drink, that's what works for me.

You're and adult, she's an adult ..just say "cant do it right now" My sobriety got easier once I mentally put everything else on the backburner and made getting sober #1. The weight will come off once that poison is out of your system.

Missy7 have you ever went to your doctor about your stress? I maybe a good idea to talk to someone about this. Good way to learn why your stress out in you and then it will be much easier to stay sober.

Hey 7, supporting you in your brave decision to be sober. This is a big crazy hard thing we're doing but like you I'm finding the SR community to be incredibly supportive.

I think bowing out of the weight loss challenge is a great idea to help you focus on your long-term sobriety. Good on your for telling your friend you are withdrawing. My experience is that people are pretty self-centered on themselves. Your nosy friend and anyone else who is interested in why you are withdrawing will probably move onto other things quickly.

Glad you are posting! Please keep posting!