Kjell

I had a moment of reflect this past weekend on my almost 18 months of sobriety and I would have to say that the biggest reason I haven’t drank or wanted to drink is b/c I’m not the same person I was 18 months ago.

I simply had to change who I was or the same me will drink again and again and again.

At first, I didn’t think I needed to change anything, that I was a pretty good guy, and I had many reasons for why “this all happened” to me, but slowly, I realized that I was my own problem the whole time.

…and looking back on my life, I always tried to change myself though changing people, places and things. I’d change jobs, change locations, change girlfriends, change beer types, change bars, change drugs, change cars, etc… I changed those things b/c that’s what I believed defined me and you, thus, by changing my people, places, and things, I truly believed I was changing myself.

Wrong.

…and there we have it. Bingo. I didn’t know how to change myself, though I desperately (even without knowing it) wanted to.

If I was my own problem the whole time, but I didn’t know how to change myself, then no wonder I was confused, lost, angry, etc…

I know there are other ways, but I worked the steps of AA and I’ve changed myself and more importantly, there is more change required (and always will be) and now I know how to do it. This has changed my life forever.

What about you? What’s your experience with changing yourself?

Kjell~

Missy7

I get this. I'm currently wading through the causes of my problem with alcohol, but I know it's up to me. But I also know that if I succeed there will be substantial changes for a lot of people. I can't face the crying that will absolutely happen when/if I tell my daughters about this. But I think I will search for three things I will need to do in order to make the changes I need to make--thanks for the opportunity.

1. I will have to learn how to be with myself.
2. I will have to learn to say no to demands without becoming invisible.
3. I will have to deny that constant gnawing temptation to disappear.

Dee74

I think you're spot on Kjell.

I tried many cosmetic changes but the real momentum happned when I started working on myself.

Acceptance of my alcoholic problem was really fundamental there. I also needed to get honest with myself - in a whole lot of ways - and I needed to connect with others who knew what to do.

I'm not the same man I used to be when drinking and that one of the main things that
keeps me sober

D

Ranger

Thus far, my experience with transformational change is twofold:

I generally get from it what I paid for it.

On the whole, changing sucks so much it is wonderful.

TheTinMan

Great post K. A lot of people think they have a drinking problem when in reality it's a thinking problem.

I think the biggest change to myself is how I react to situations that used to make me explode. I also face problems instead of drinking them away.

laurie6781

Great post Kjell!!!!!!!

(((((Missy)))))

You said:

Go slow sweetie. All of these changes happen GRADUALLY, not overnight. You don't have to 'tell' your daughters, as they will start to see ome very POSITIVE changes and actions in Mom.

This is not a race, living sober is an ongoing journey, literally for the rest of our lives, that is why you will hear "progress, not perfection."

Hang in there Missy, don't drink each day and you will be amazed at how much better you will start to feel and how much more willing you will become to work on you.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

Anna

Yes, absolutely, I had to change everything about myself and I felt clueless.

At the time I was reading Mia Farrow's biography "What Falls Away". I found the title intriguing and it drew me in and I read and learned. Then, I looked at myself at my bottom, and I realized that what fell away was everything. What was left was my soul. I had to start over.

EmeraldRose

New me here...everything is changed but muh name!

Mostly spiritual to be quite honest. To learn not only how to deal with me but how to deal with situations that arise around me. That is all new to me. I had to learn to trust that things would work out -have faith. Understand that things happen for a reason and not go against the grain. Don't fight things. Just live. I was always very patient but now have a new sense of the word patience. Being patient with life not just situations in my life. Learning there is a reason why I need to wait. Learning that is will all work out.
It is easier on the emotions when you don't fight things -they fall into place, too.

stanleyhouse

The biggest change in my life is faith. I know God is with me. I listen to my soul, not my ego. When my ego tries to run the show I recognize its voice and "quiet" it.
SH

Kjell

Very true. There is pleasure in the pain, but usually after it's over.

Kjell~

Lipitor

Looking for change externally is what I do.

Im still very young in sobriety , It all sounds quite difficult , however , I have not read one bad thing about being sober long term .

L

Impurrfect

(((Kjell))) - great post (as usual ). I can't really pinpoint how I've changed, but I know I'm not the same person I was a little over 4 years ago, coming off a bad relapse and telling myself "that's it, I can't do this any more".

SR has been my lifeline, along with the friends I've met here. I have f2f people who are extremely supportive and that helps.

I guess the biggest thing I've learned is that I can get through some really rough stuff and not use I have frequent conversations with HP, and don't always get the answers I want, but the very ones I need. I've had some really awesome times, some downright bad times, but not once did I contemplate using. Today, that is not an option, and that's a really good feeling.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

coffeenut

First, Congrats on your 18 months!

I do believe starting over is key to my sobriety. Everything changes. It has to. And as much as I was scared to death of it, that change saved my life.

I used to work on me to stay sober. Now I work on me, because I'm worth it.

So are you.

Kjell

That's some "next level" stuff right there and it's awesome.

I'm going to keep that in mind.

Kjell~

Boleo

Simple but not easy - I only had to change one thing, everything LOL!