Undrlying Causes to Addiction
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Join Date: Mar 2011
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Undrlying Causes to Addiction
I wanted to see how many others started noticing feelings and behaviors that have come up since becoming sober that are disturbing.
I ask because I'm just shy of 90 days sober and have been having panic attacks, attention defecit problems, anxiety. A whole slough of things that have made just plain life quite difficult. I have a job but for the first time in my life I have real problems with anger and acting appropriately. It's just the strangest thing! I don't have strong craving to drink - but I do have cravings for anything mind altering (never had a propensity for other drugs) to get out of this crazy place in my head.
I have been seeing my doctor a couple times a month (she was the same one who oversaw me during my inpatient) and she wants to change my anti-depressants (on 20mg Prozac). She doesn't really know what's going on either. If this is normal PAWS type of stuff I'm willing to tough it out.
I thought I was just a run of the mill drunk, but I'm starting to think otherwise.
Also - this nearly only happens while at work. I feel like people are ganging up on me and picking out and exaggerating the slightest flaws or occasional mistakes. Maybe they really are??? I can't tell what's real and what's not anymore. This is how I used to feel when I was in the deepest depths of alcoholic insanity.
I ask because I'm just shy of 90 days sober and have been having panic attacks, attention defecit problems, anxiety. A whole slough of things that have made just plain life quite difficult. I have a job but for the first time in my life I have real problems with anger and acting appropriately. It's just the strangest thing! I don't have strong craving to drink - but I do have cravings for anything mind altering (never had a propensity for other drugs) to get out of this crazy place in my head.
I have been seeing my doctor a couple times a month (she was the same one who oversaw me during my inpatient) and she wants to change my anti-depressants (on 20mg Prozac). She doesn't really know what's going on either. If this is normal PAWS type of stuff I'm willing to tough it out.
I thought I was just a run of the mill drunk, but I'm starting to think otherwise.
Also - this nearly only happens while at work. I feel like people are ganging up on me and picking out and exaggerating the slightest flaws or occasional mistakes. Maybe they really are??? I can't tell what's real and what's not anymore. This is how I used to feel when I was in the deepest depths of alcoholic insanity.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
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I'm glad you're keeping in touch with your dr and considering changing your anti-depressant. What I wonder is, maybe these feelings existed before you began drinking and the drinking was self-medicating? So, now the drinking stopped and the feelings are all out there. It's just something to consider.
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 83
If I could recommend one book that helped me deal with my own anxiety, panic attacks and depression, it would be The Art of Happiness by the Dalai Lama. He explains how to deal with positive and negative emotions in a very comprehendible way and it is co-authored by a psychiatrist. This book seriously changed my outlook on life by the time I was done reading it.
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 694
SPG i could of written your post, im around the 80 day mark, a few beers and a swash of whiskey seem like the cure and getting hard to not think about, i made it to 86 days once when i relapsed in 06, i think these may be the toughest times for me.
I am having issues with feelings but whats worse is most people in my life home and work that were understanding about my quiting in the beginning think i should be over it by now which is really frusterating, there getting tired of hearing about my issues.
opps, just meant to say your not alone...
I am having issues with feelings but whats worse is most people in my life home and work that were understanding about my quiting in the beginning think i should be over it by now which is really frusterating, there getting tired of hearing about my issues.
opps, just meant to say your not alone...
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Join Date: Feb 2009
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It could be PAWS, stress can trigger episodes. But as we all know, stress in life is unavoidable, I found being able to 'vent' helped, I talked about stress management techniques with my CBT counselor.
Some people I think find a spiritual philosophy helps them adopt a calmer attitude. Anyhow, I drank to relieve my own symptoms of depression and anxiety, but in the end I found that drinking only exacerbated those things overall. I had very severe anxiety attacks in my final drinking days. Withdrawal and post withdrawal wasn't easy, but it gradually got easier. The first 90 days can be crucial, they are like laying the foundation, after that though I started to have periods of feeling more normal and comfortable in my own skin. The obsessive thoughts started to subside, but I don't think I would've made it without help and support.
I am amazed now at how much I can handle sober as once the slightest stress could send me for a drink. But I've learned it is possible to cope and be okay. Anxiety is these days less of a problem.
There were many issues I had to deal with when I got sober, things I'd bottled up for years with drink, though I think a factor in my drinking is that I am just an addiction prone person and always have to be careful in that regard.
Some people I think find a spiritual philosophy helps them adopt a calmer attitude. Anyhow, I drank to relieve my own symptoms of depression and anxiety, but in the end I found that drinking only exacerbated those things overall. I had very severe anxiety attacks in my final drinking days. Withdrawal and post withdrawal wasn't easy, but it gradually got easier. The first 90 days can be crucial, they are like laying the foundation, after that though I started to have periods of feeling more normal and comfortable in my own skin. The obsessive thoughts started to subside, but I don't think I would've made it without help and support.
I am amazed now at how much I can handle sober as once the slightest stress could send me for a drink. But I've learned it is possible to cope and be okay. Anxiety is these days less of a problem.
There were many issues I had to deal with when I got sober, things I'd bottled up for years with drink, though I think a factor in my drinking is that I am just an addiction prone person and always have to be careful in that regard.
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 218
I went through this too. My experience is that I had been using alcohol to deal with the fact that I am naturally irritable, restless, and discontent. When I stopped drinking, those emotions came on full force. I have had to start learning ways to live differently. The AA way of life has made all the difference for me.
It gets better!
It gets better!
Servant of God
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Parts Unknown
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I thought you wrote this post about me! I'm with Anna on this. Drinking numbs you to the stresses of life before it takes over and creates new ones.
I found myself dealing with all sorts of dry symptoms several years ago when I quit drinking. I was very emotionally immature because the minute I picked up a drink early in life I stopped growing.
I found out early in my sobriety back then that I was scared of people, I had no empathy, was narcissistic, was scared of women, hated my body, thought I wasn't intelligent enough, thought I didn't have enough money, was scared of sex, very low self esteem and basically had a very negative outlook in general. I had a lot of nervousness and anger and I looked at every situation I was ever in in the most negative way possible.
When I no longer had alcohol to numb me and make me feel human I found myself in real trouble.
About 90 days into sobriety I started investigating these things and going to work on them. I learned to ask myself "what have I done for my sobriety today?" and I forced myself into social situations that I wasn't comfortable in in order to start growing again. I forced myself through things and eventually figured out that many of the things that I felt bad about weren't abnormal at all but were just a matter of perspective. The things that I was justly insecure about I learned to either accept or improve. I was forced to look for the positive in everything.
A few years ago I stopped working hard on my sobriety every day and started to slip in the behaviors. A while after that I started using drugs and did so until 10 days ago.
Give yourself time clean and don't ever stop doing something for sobriety every day. I'm not a big believer in PAWS and I think ones defects and flaws are revealed only when clean. For me there if you are not building your sobriety and repairing your character a relapse is a foregone conclusion.
I found myself dealing with all sorts of dry symptoms several years ago when I quit drinking. I was very emotionally immature because the minute I picked up a drink early in life I stopped growing.
I found out early in my sobriety back then that I was scared of people, I had no empathy, was narcissistic, was scared of women, hated my body, thought I wasn't intelligent enough, thought I didn't have enough money, was scared of sex, very low self esteem and basically had a very negative outlook in general. I had a lot of nervousness and anger and I looked at every situation I was ever in in the most negative way possible.
When I no longer had alcohol to numb me and make me feel human I found myself in real trouble.
About 90 days into sobriety I started investigating these things and going to work on them. I learned to ask myself "what have I done for my sobriety today?" and I forced myself into social situations that I wasn't comfortable in in order to start growing again. I forced myself through things and eventually figured out that many of the things that I felt bad about weren't abnormal at all but were just a matter of perspective. The things that I was justly insecure about I learned to either accept or improve. I was forced to look for the positive in everything.
A few years ago I stopped working hard on my sobriety every day and started to slip in the behaviors. A while after that I started using drugs and did so until 10 days ago.
Give yourself time clean and don't ever stop doing something for sobriety every day. I'm not a big believer in PAWS and I think ones defects and flaws are revealed only when clean. For me there if you are not building your sobriety and repairing your character a relapse is a foregone conclusion.
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here Or There
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The first 30 to 45 days or so you will as you know feel the pink cloud effect. Everything is so good!
Than unusually things will settle down a little bit the high of being sober leaves or is not as intense. Reality comes in and than usually from the 3 month to the 6 month period or at least for myself you will have what I call the Roller Coaster Ride from H3LL. It is a vicious ride and you don't want to slack on anything. Matter of fact you might need to up meetings or reading or whatever it is you do for your particular recovery.
After that is the 6-9 month period where you will have some anxieties but your recovery will be more on solid ground and you now have a support system in place to help you through it. It isn't near as bad and you start to feel better about yourself and your progress.
Than 9 months on?
More Will Be Revealed
Than unusually things will settle down a little bit the high of being sober leaves or is not as intense. Reality comes in and than usually from the 3 month to the 6 month period or at least for myself you will have what I call the Roller Coaster Ride from H3LL. It is a vicious ride and you don't want to slack on anything. Matter of fact you might need to up meetings or reading or whatever it is you do for your particular recovery.
After that is the 6-9 month period where you will have some anxieties but your recovery will be more on solid ground and you now have a support system in place to help you through it. It isn't near as bad and you start to feel better about yourself and your progress.
Than 9 months on?
More Will Be Revealed
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Washington
Posts: 456
Wow...thanks everyone. As crappy as I feel - and not craving wise - it's all the more reason not to take another drink. My wife concurs that it is "dealing with feelings" for the first time.
That being said, I think this would be a really good time to start step 4 in my program. I haven't really grown much emotionally in the past 15 years and many of your posts mirror my experience. I went to a meeting after work tonight - wasn't a very good one, but it got me out of my head. I really do feel like I'm back in Jr. High getting picked on again with no viable recourse. When I was drinking I could draw on my narcissism and throw the first bunch. Now I'm just finding interpreting my feelings with the situation and coming up with the correct reaction completely baffling- just like in Jr. High, I could throw a punch or cry.
I think what has become very clear is that I need to get a new permanent sponsor and get into step 4. This mothers day weekend made it clear to me that I've got a lot of resentments and bitterness I need to let go of. I need to let AA be the miracle it can be to me.
That being said, I think this would be a really good time to start step 4 in my program. I haven't really grown much emotionally in the past 15 years and many of your posts mirror my experience. I went to a meeting after work tonight - wasn't a very good one, but it got me out of my head. I really do feel like I'm back in Jr. High getting picked on again with no viable recourse. When I was drinking I could draw on my narcissism and throw the first bunch. Now I'm just finding interpreting my feelings with the situation and coming up with the correct reaction completely baffling- just like in Jr. High, I could throw a punch or cry.
I think what has become very clear is that I need to get a new permanent sponsor and get into step 4. This mothers day weekend made it clear to me that I've got a lot of resentments and bitterness I need to let go of. I need to let AA be the miracle it can be to me.
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
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That's great you made it to a meeting. But I don't believe that any meeting is a 'bad' meeting. Often times I find that even though I don't walk out the door feeling all that much 'better' I do find that in a day or three something someone said will resonate in my head and hits me for another reason somewhere down the road. Seeds are always being planted.
As far as feelings and dealing with life's boomerangs...I stuffed my thoughts and feelings for most of my adult life. Just now am I finding the true meaning of my own happiness, accomplishments, serenity -as well as, frustration, unsettlement and other negative situations.
But I have learned in the past couple months that it's ok to think about situations but I let them go. By letting them fester in your head you are creating a tornado or uncontrollability (is that a word?). Worrying and being frustrated over something is not helping your feelings of managability. I find that by releasing my 'fears' and negative feelings/thoughts they do not harbor in my head creating cobwebs for other thoughts to get caught up in.
I had some negative feelings about my separation...but now I've released alot of them because my life is on the right track I don't need to look back on those thoughts to hold me down or keep me from moving ahead. It really is an overwhelming openess of the heart to be able to start fresh and take the extra baggage to the curb.
Wishing you peace and strength.
As far as feelings and dealing with life's boomerangs...I stuffed my thoughts and feelings for most of my adult life. Just now am I finding the true meaning of my own happiness, accomplishments, serenity -as well as, frustration, unsettlement and other negative situations.
But I have learned in the past couple months that it's ok to think about situations but I let them go. By letting them fester in your head you are creating a tornado or uncontrollability (is that a word?). Worrying and being frustrated over something is not helping your feelings of managability. I find that by releasing my 'fears' and negative feelings/thoughts they do not harbor in my head creating cobwebs for other thoughts to get caught up in.
I had some negative feelings about my separation...but now I've released alot of them because my life is on the right track I don't need to look back on those thoughts to hold me down or keep me from moving ahead. It really is an overwhelming openess of the heart to be able to start fresh and take the extra baggage to the curb.
Wishing you peace and strength.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Washington
Posts: 456
Update: They recently upped my Prozac from 20mg to 40mg and that seems to be the main source of these crazy feelings. I felt fine this morning until I took my Prozac and instantly went into that "going to work still drunk from the night before" feeling. It was just awful. My doctor is going to taper me off that and try something else.
Isn't new sobriety fun!
Isn't new sobriety fun!
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