slowstar

Hello everyone I just wanted to introduce myself I'm Rob and I'm an alcoholic/drug addict. I've been reading these forums for awhile usually while drunk and committed to quitting... only tomorrow. I did quit drinking for 6 months but started using pills/heroin. I knew from the first pill things would end badly. I'm going to give this another shot. I know this is a disease of relapse but I'm tired of it. I can't seem to ever get started on my sobriety my body screams for something its a never ending voice in the back of my head. It stops when I go running but literally the second I sit down again there it is like a devil on my shoulder. I guess I really need to toughen up and stop feeding it with my thoughts and by drinking. At times I just feel so hopeless like this disease has hijacked my mind it convinces me things will not get better that being numb is better than feeling. I guess I'm wondering when the urge goes away and maybe some advice on getting through the first few weeks. Thanks.

Bikeguy

Welcome slowstar,

I don't have any experience with pills/heroin but have some with alcohol. I think everyone is different when it comes to getting over the "urge". I'm at 12 weeks without drinking and still have the "urge" every now and then, but I have learned how to combat them. I would suggest a trip to your doctor, they can help with a plan to quit and help you get through detox safely. Good luck, you can do this!

Pumpkin Soup

Welcome.

Im only into my 5th day of trying not to drink - its not my first attempt but I hope very much it will be my last. I went to AA yesterday and that has inspired me and I am going again tonight despite the fact I am dog tired from only sleeping four hours last night.

The only advice I would give being so new myself but which seems to be helping me is to change things which is what I am doing this time around for the first time. Get as much support as you can and do things differently - it neednt be drastic - mine so far have been to start exercising a little, going for a walk as soon as I get home from work - forcing myself to eat or drink something sweet when im craving badly. Having a go at a bit of meditation too.

Why not join the Class of May - there are loads of us with only a few days sobriety in there supporting each other.

I wish you the very best of luck.

PS x

Hevyn

Welcome Slowstar! (I love New York) It's great to have you here. SR saved my life over 3 yrs. ago. Until I came here, I felt totally alone with my problem. No one understood what I was going through except the friends I made here. I felt a huge burden lifted from me when I finally started to post.

The never ending voice in the back of your head - we all have it. I promise it does fade away after awhile - once you prove to yourself there is life after alcohol. I never dreamed I could get through a day without it, let alone holidays, vacations, stressful times - but I'm over 3 yrs. sober now, after a lifetime of using it to get numb. I knew I couldn't go back to it, or I'd die - so I was very motivated. It's so great to be free of the chains - you'll see. You can do this - keep talking to us.

Humbled77

Welcome Slowstar. This a great place to browse and share when that little devil pops on to your shoulder. There are so many great success stories here that can help you to formulate a plan for your recovery. Good luck and keep us posted.

Anna

Welcome and I'm glad you posted.

I can so relate to the mind-hijacking! My every thought revolved around alcohol, one way or another, during the last months of my drinking. I was blessed, in that when I decided to stop drinking, the obsessive thoughts stopped within a couple of weeks. It was such a gift to have a clear head.

It's great that running brings you peace. I wonder if you've tried meditation? It can be hard to achieve and I'm kind of spotty about practicing it, but it can help you to find that peaceful place within.

slowstar

Thanks for the replies everyone. I know I need a little bit of help from everyone on here and hopefully in time Ill be able to give some back. I know my disease wants me isolated, it ruins my self esteem and breeds so much fear. I mean Ive put off posting on here for years because I didnt want to get involved I didnt want people to care about me because I wanted to be alone to be free to drink and to use. Its such a dark place and after a while its like all my hope is lost. I have to feel there is some reason im not dead. The amounts of heroin I put in my arm should have killed me the decisions I made while impaired should have put me in jail. But Im here untouched and I guess in some way thats a miracle. Ive heard in meetings that were all miracles at first I thought this was ridiculous I mean all we have to do is stop drinking/using right? and then I relapsed and then I relapsed again, why is this so damn hard? The thing is I romanced these ideas in my mind for a long time. I should have said something to my sponsor, to the group, but I liked having that place in my mind where I could hide out in my old world and the thought that I'd drink again made me happy in some sick way even though the happiness I was experiencing in recovery made me happier than I'd been in a long time. As my life got better quickly I lowered my guards, skipped meetings and I drank and then I started using and I thought I was so clever. I know I will die from this disease I know this disease has led me to live a life I never imagined I would. I need to know that I can change and that my life will change. I'll read your inspiring stories and try to find some strength in your journeys. I will not drink today.

Anna

That's how I felt when I was at my bottom. The disease of alcoholism is very isolating. I cut myself off as much as possible from friends and family. I protected my addiction at all cost.

There is always hope and sometimes hope is all we have. I realized as soon as my mind began to clear that there was a reason that I was still alive. It was no accident. I knew that I had to find my soul's purpose and began to live a new life.

You CAN do this!

CatFry

Hello,

I just joined as well . . . as in I just joined today. Where is the Class of May?

Good Luck Slowstar! You can do it!

BobGT

Here you go.....

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ay-2011-a.html

KellyToronto

means Welcome in German.

Welcome! You will love the support in SR.

Kelly

SgtFCAmerica

I can only advise that what you put into your body during your detox period is HUGE!!! Lot's of water, vegies, vitamins, juice! You're body has been blasted with poison, time to put some good stuff in there!! I try to trick my mind, I tell myself that the clean food and healthy choices are the NEW opiate! Everyone I'm sure will agree, but try to get as much exercise as you can handle, bump it up each day. Download some happy, energy songs on the Ipod, and get moving. I wish you the best, I KNOW YOU CAN BEAT THIS! Hope none of that is considered "medical" advice

Hevyn

Slowstar - very well said. I understand exactly what you mean. I didn't want to speak up on here because I didn't want to be accountable to anyone. Didn't want anyone to care about me or wonder how I was doing. Yet I needed desperately to expose my sick lifestyle to someone and have them understand. Well - we're doing it now, and that's all that matters.

Zencat

Welcome to SR Slowstar

I noticed my urges went away in proportion to how much I increased my desire to be sober.

A quick way to start your recovery is to have some recovery tools to help you along the way. SMART Recovery Tools has just that. Also putting together an addiction treatment plan that includes recovery tools, regular participation here at SR, diet and exercise among other healthy endeavors, will vastly increase your odds of living sober.

SgtFCAmerica

As Sam L Jackson would say "Correctamundo!"

EmeraldRose

Welcome slowstar!

coffeenut

Welcome!

newwings

Welcome, you've come to the right place.

CarolD

I'm glad you finally joined us in the posting side of SR
Welcome...

artsoul

Welcome slowstar - you described addiction perfectly - I could relate to every sentence, down to reading posts here while drinking......

We know how scary it is. It's scary to think about quitting and scary to think about continuing. It wasn't until I got the alcohol out of my system that my sane mind started to outweigh the alcoholic one. The obsession fades - it just takes time.

If we can do this, so can you. We'll be here supporting you all the way!