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A trip Im nervous about.

Old 05-05-2011, 06:10 PM
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A trip Im nervous about.

About 2 months ago I booked a flight to Colorado to meet up with a friend I havent seen in over 5 years. The problem is Im getting sober now. At the time when I booked the trip, coming into recovery was far from reality.

My plan is to fly to Colorado, meet up with my friend and her and I were to take a road trip to East Nebraska for the weekend (stopping at all these county podunk bars on the way). Then back to her place for a few more days, and back to California for me.

See this week long event is supposed to be drunkfest 2011. Shes a drinker, and all the people were supposed to meet up on that weekend are drinkers - well most of them. Everyones expecting me to fly out and throw this huge party/reunion thing because I havent seen most of them for over 5 years. (I used to live in Nebraska 01-05). Most of them remember me as this huge party guy that has a blast, drinks a lot, and fun to drink with.

**Hell theres even a freaking facebook page setup about her and I coming out and were all supposed to meet at this bar!! (she made it after I booked my flight)**

I also havent told any of them I decided to quit drinking. To be honest Ive been trying to figure out how to approch it. I really havent told many people actually. Maybe two people. Anyways..

Im faced with 2 options. I don't go on this trip, and take a hit on the airfare. Or I go and put myself in a overwhelming amount of temptation that would test in astronomical amounts. But that horriable thing is, I really want to see all these people because we havent seen eachother in so long. Outside of drinking, a lot of these people shared in a big part of my life, and I do miss um.

So what to do what to do. Ever since I got sober, this trip has been running though my mind. I keep saying to myself. "Well I will be close to 2 1/2 months sober by then, but will I be ready for something like that by then?" I really doubt it.

Anyways thoughts?

-Ryan
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Old 05-05-2011, 06:16 PM
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This is a post from my early days in recovery, maybe it will help you. In the end I think I made the right decision.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...nd-bummer.html

(note I used to have a different screen name)
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Old 05-05-2011, 06:18 PM
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Originally Posted by Reset View Post
This is a post from my early days in recovery, maybe it will help you. In the end I think I made the right decision.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...nd-bummer.html

(note I used to have a different screen name)
Alright bud ill give it a look. Thank you!

-Ryan
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Old 05-05-2011, 06:32 PM
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Alright I read it. Good post there for sure. To be honest I was hoping for a "Hell yeah I went and I didnt drink it was awesome!" type thing but I did see that coming

I really am 80% leaning to not going. What kills me is upsetting people. Because this whole thing was based around me, unlike yours was based around others. And yes of course when I tell them why Im not going will be the truth. I wouldnt BS my way through it saying something like I missed my flight or some garbage. To be honest if I lied about why I cant make it I would be being dishonest with my own soberity. My thinking behind that is why wouldnt I let them know? Not telling the truth is basicly saying "I wont tell these people the truth because I might not stick this sober stuff out, and I want my drinking friends there when Im done being sober." And thats just setting myself up for overall failure.

Thanks again bud!

-Ryan
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Old 05-05-2011, 06:39 PM
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RR...I would not go. There is no need to attempt to put yourself in a situation that sound like you would have virtually no chance of staying clean in.

Say you go and are the only one not drinking and partying...are you really going to enjoy that?

If you are serious about getting and staying sober, you HAVE to accept the FACT that you are going to lose some of the things you used to enjoy, whether it's old friends, events, familiar places...whatever.

A good rule of thumb in getting sober is to avoid situations and behaviors that you find comfortable and familiar. You are going to lose some things for sobriety and some of it will hurt. Occasionally, an old friend will come back, down the road, when they choose to walk a similar path. Sobriety is like reprogramming your entire lifestyle and I don't think it can be achieved by trying to change yourself, then live in the same environment as before.

For all that you will lose, sobriety will pay you back 10-fold, just in a different way.
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Old 05-05-2011, 07:47 PM
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Ryan - I went back to your first posts just seven days ago. Like a lot of us, your sobriety emerged from a dark, dark place, my Brother. Having been where you are, I know that feeling of promise in new sobriety. Hell, seeing the elation on your mug and reading your posts make ME feel the promise all over again!

You're there, man. You have the desire and the attitude to make sobriety stick. But the **** ain't made of velcro, Friend. Alcohol's the clingy one...harder to shake than a psycho ex-girlfriend. Sobriety, on the other hand, bores quickly and requires work to maintain.

My guess is come July, happily sober Ryan will have made so many changes that he will be at peace with missing "Drunkfest 2011".
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Old 05-05-2011, 08:00 PM
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Hi Ryan!

I wish I could tell you otherwise but I feel like attending drunkfest 2011 is a good way to end up drunk

I think you know that though
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Old 05-05-2011, 08:13 PM
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Ranger - I hear ya clear as day. And I know it would be an extremely bad idea to go. And deep down I know whats important, and Ill make the right moves on that. What matters is taking care of myself right now. And its a bummer, but I know in reality I wouldn't jeopardize myself like that when it came down to it.

Damn this blasted addiction!

I need to find some sober friends. I really dont think I have a single one.In fact I know I dont. Ill find some somewhere! I hear they hang out at AA meetings Until then you all have to deal with me! muahahaha :P

-Ryan
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Old 05-05-2011, 08:15 PM
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If it were me, at that point in my recovery, if I went, I might have made it through but I would have been miserable... Self pity and all that BS... But that's me. I could do it now, but, really, why? If it's just about the drinkin'?
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Old 05-05-2011, 08:18 PM
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A lot of times I would not be overly against people going to social gatherings even in early sobriety IF they think they can handle it.

In your situation I just don't think there would be a good outcome. A multi day trip, built around drinking? If you want your sobriety then SKIP this trip. It is too tempting. Plus, I get the feeling there wouldn't be tons of support if you went and told others you were not gounna drink.

Not to mention road trips + bar hopping = bad things even for people that don't have alcohol problems. I just don't get why people still think they can do this.

Good luck with whatever you decide.
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Old 05-05-2011, 08:27 PM
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Yeah when you describe it as a drunkfest and there are NO sober people going..not a good plan. I have done a Super Bowl party..a few dinner parties..but they didn't revolve around alchohol and there was even 1 or 2 other people not drinking besides me. I no longer go to bars. Gave up hopping..and the main thing is even if you went and didn't drink-you would be around a bunch of drunk people. A bunch of drunk people that would have a hard time not giving you a hard time! If you are taking votes..I am a no.
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Old 05-05-2011, 08:33 PM
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Originally Posted by RyanRed View Post
To be honest if I lied about why I cant make it I would be being dishonest with my own soberity.
Exactly!

I wouldn't worryabout finding sober friends...when you are in the right mindset the right time will put them in your path.
All my sober friends revolve around AA. Had a great meeting tonight and it feels like home.
I'm not commenting on the trip...you've made up your mind.
Tell the truth, man up and your real friends will understand. Ok, well, I commented anyway! LOL
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Old 05-05-2011, 08:53 PM
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Ryan
I think when you tell your friends why you aren't attending you will be surprised by the support you receive. It's been five years, i bet some of those friends have slowed down quite a bit and would love to see you in the future, without the booze.
SH
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Old 05-05-2011, 09:11 PM
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I hate letting people down, too..... but you post reminded me of a something I read somewhere that really struck a chord with me at the time:

Betrayal of oneself in order not to betray another is betrayal nonetheless.
If they care about you, they'd want you to do the best thing for yourself.
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Old 05-05-2011, 09:34 PM
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Dude!!! Don't do it!!

I threw away 30+ days sober on a wine tasting trip to Napa back in January. It was organized and paid for by my girlfriends for my birthday in the November, and I thought I could do it without caving in. I lasted 7 hours. And it was 7 hours of torture for me. I didn't get drunk that night..or the next...or the one after that, but it was enough to slip WAAAAY back into the clutches of my beast, nearly ending my life 3 months later.

I know if I hadn't gone - yes, I would have been worried about disappointing people, yes, I was worried about hurting their feelings, and yes, I would have been pretty ****** to miss it, especially if the pics were going to be all over facebook (which they were). I just know that if I hadn't gone, I wouldn't have slipped back into what was nearly the end of me. Your call, obviously, but I really think you are dreading it

P.S I know how you feel. I am a 38 year old Mom - and not one single one of my friends aged 35 - 55 don't drink. I am the ONLY one. I hear you!!!
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Old 05-05-2011, 09:46 PM
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I wont go. Ive pretty much come to conclusion if I did it wouldnt be healthy for my sobriety. I just got to tell everyone, and hope they understand. I mean these people are good friends, so Im sure they will understand. And I can name a few that will actually be like "Ryan on Ryan!"

But I want to talk all of you for the enlightning posts. I knew it was a bad idea, but I just wanted that kick in the butt saying "DUDE ARE YOU FREAKIN CRAZY!" lol and you all gave it to me

btw newwings, I love Napa I actually live close to it. Up here in Northern California myself. Over in the Sierras.

-Ryan
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Old 05-05-2011, 10:00 PM
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Im only new to being sober at social events, so my thoughts are coming from a place of alcoholic vulnerability .

Dinner for one night with some of my wine guzzling friends is quite difficult . Let alone a drunkfest weekend.

If you dont want to get bitten by a shark. Dont swim in the ocean with bits of raw meat attached to your body .

Bloody simple really

Me? I would NOT go at all. But that is me.

L
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Old 05-05-2011, 10:24 PM
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Awesome Ryan. Think you are making a great decision for your sobriety. A really mature one too for how far along in sobriety you are at. Nice job.
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Old 05-06-2011, 12:01 AM
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I kinda know how you feel, you booked a flight and told your friends you would be there. Now you are worried about not following through on that and disapointing them. If it were just a trip with your friends you used to drink with, I would still be apprehensive. The way you described it as a drinkfest though should leave no doubt. The very, very best you could hope for is to be one very miserable chaperone. Why set yourself up for failure? Do what has to be done...
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Old 05-06-2011, 02:53 AM
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Ryan, this must be very hard on you, but you'll come out stronger.

I'm in day 21 after drinking continuously my adult life, and one thing I am recognizing is that I need to get to know and learn my "sober self." When you are drunk your entire adult life, you forget who you really are or can be. Who is that new guy in the mirror and how do I get to know him? I think that it's not until you are familiar and comfortable in your new skin will you successfully venture out to old territories and friends. This revelation without the benefit of a support group (other than SR).

Baby steps. Yesterday I spent 4 hours in a local casino rolling dice with a non-alcoholic friend....the first time I did anything like that sober. Next week I'm stepping up and going to a poker night. In November, I have my 15th annual Vegas trip with old collge friends...my personal Superbowl of sobriety testing. But I will be 6+ months sober by then; if I don't feel up to the challenge as the date approaches, I'll cancel.

Good luck to you.....
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