PapaNico

Hey friends. I hate to disappoint everybody, but I have still another failure to report. I just felt so bad from Tuesday that I couldn't deal with myself again yesterday. Maybe today will be the day for me to get my stuff together. Promises, promises. I keep having the best of intentions but the worst of outcomes. I desperately need to make things happen today, that is the bottom line. I read another post from a fellow stating that the way I feel right now is the demon inside me dying. Well if that is the case, then I guess I should say that it feels good... All I want is to kill that SOB so I can get on with my life. I will be checking in throughout the day until I go to work this afternoon, and I will also check in after I get home. I seem to do best when I hold myself accountable to people. This is my last day one. Aaargh! For my friends and family, it is time to stop the lip service and get alcohol out of my life. I appreciate all the support that I've found on this site, SR is awesome. Please just stick with me and I will soon be able to return the favor.

PapaNico

But for now JFT.

Ranger

Papa - Consider yourself "stuck with", my man. Let's demon hunt!

RyanRed

I cant count how many times I said to myself (99% of the time drunk) tomorrows the day I quit drinking! Sad thing was that tomorrow never came. I was lieing to myself. Although, I never lied to myself about being an alcoholic. I would just wake up the next morning and not think twice about getting that next bottle.

Just until resently I stopped lieing to myself, and actually did it. I got sober. What was it for me that made me finally do it? I dont know really. I really got tried of feeling like crap all the time. I saw my life falling apart. And what keeps me going is thinking how great lifes going to be without alcohol. Because I know it will. I've never been more certain than anything in my life!

Yeah its hard, and its a daily battle fighting temptation. But I tell myself "Another drunkin night is not worth the rest of my life".

Hang in there bud!

-Ryan

gaz80

Papa , have you tried meds to help you ?

I was 2 years sober until last weekend when I had a four 4 day Vodka bender. Dr has put me on meds and Im feeling sorry formyself but not craving at all , i can feel when the meds are wearing off tho and do look forward to the next dose but its a darn sight better than doing it alone.

CarolD

When I was serious about learning to live sober...I joined AA....

Hope you will soon quit

PapaNico

Yeah, I've got some antabuse, I am planning on taking it today after I get that crap out of my system. I also let my tried and true drinking buddy know that we can't hang out with each other any more. She was pretty upset about it, but it is just too tempting to booze it up when we get together. I found an AA group in town and I think I will give that a go as well.

artsoul

Hi papanico - I can't tell you how many times I promised myself to stay sober and ended up drinking that day. I feel for you - it's not a fun place to be in.

I decided I had three options: keep drinking and die, drink until I ended up in the hospital (or any other big consequence) and then quit, or quit now and get it over with.

Remember, it takes time to heal and for the obsession to fade. But you can do this and you have the motivation. The demon won't go quietly - it will scream and beg, but don't give in. We're behind you all the way!

UrbanCowgirl1

We are here for you PapaNico!!! Hang in there! You can do it!

iliveforyou

Hi again Don't worry about disappointing us, my friend - you are only hurting yourself in the end, but we will be here for you every step of the way.

I've had many, many slips in the past 11 years as I am sure a lot of others here have struggled with the same thing. Don't beat yourself up, don't focus on the negative - try to focus on what you are going to do differently this time, figure out your triggers & pick yourself up. Learn from your mistake, make changes and keep going. Don't ever give up. You CAN do this and you are worth it


I'll be over here rooting for ya


-Jess

PapaNico

All of your posts have really helped me out, and thanks to you today will be a success. I feel empowered by everybody's words, and I am thankful that complete strangers not only root for me, but take the time to talk about their own struggles. Today, I step on this demon's throat.

Anna

Good for you for starting again.

And, remember that promising yourself is helpful, but taking action is necessary.