Ranger

I've noticed when someone relapses on SR, our wise veterans are quick to ask "so what are you going to change (this time)". The question is as simple as it is brillliant, and speaks to the heart of recovery....change.

Question...in addition to the encouragement and celebration the newly sober absolutely need and deserve, is it also wise--in due time and with compassion--to gently ask our newly sober what they are going to change in order to stay happily sober?

Like many (most?), I was lucky enough to inherit a pink cloud when I stopped drinking. Though I got my cloud for "free", the nearly two year long ride I've had has definitely not come free-of-charge. Rather, my cloud's longevity is contingent upon changes I made and continue to make to who I am and how I live my life. How do I know? Because when I drift away from these changes my life starts to suck again. Would it ever drift so far as relapse? I can't say for sure, but that's certainly what the trend suggests.

Just honest questions that might not have a universal answer. This issue has simply been on my heart lately. Thanks, guys!

Squizz

True enough. This time around I changed my cell phone number. It's already helping a lot. Something else I'm not doing is going to bars. Just gotta' stay far away from the whole scene if I want to stay sober. It's just that way with me.

artsoul

Great post, Ranger!! I think we all resist change (alcoholic or not)..... but taking "baby steps" and tackling things one day at a time have made it less overwhelming for me. It's nice to know we're moving on and even growing again, isn't it?

MsCooterBrown

I had to change alot..I had surrounded myself with alkies because I was one..sober people are hard to come by where I live..BUT I am slowly meeting people.

Dee74

The fear of change keep me drinking for a long time - I hated my life but it was familiar - I feared I may become a different person sober....

and in a way I did - I cannot recognize the end stage drinker I was back then now...but in a what I didn't...I largely went back to an early version of me....and then I added to it.

so for me I found sobriety first, got my sea legs, and then I with a little work and maintenance I found lasting happy sobriety


I always ask what are you goinna to add - I know it's a painful question sometimes, but it's the key IMO.

I don't believe sobriety is beyond any one of us....we just have to find the x factor, the right amount of effort, the right kind of support, etc....

If at first you don't succeed, add something else to your recovery

D

stanleyhouse

Squizz,
You're hilarious! I changed my cell number too about a year sober. I didn't want to justify my program and hear you're never going to get sober without AA anymore. I also didn't want to hear the oh me poor me; i relapsed, lend me money, you never really liked me anymore. I never knew any drunks the last five years of my drinking. Hanging out with them in sobriety didn't work, hanging out with healthy sober people works great.
SH

Ranger

Thanks, Dee. From what I've seen and experienced, it appears that on a "macro" level your path to sobriety is very common...perhaps even the norm.

I guess I'm wondering whether the "right kind of support" means gently advising the elated, newly sober that the elation of early sobriety is a grace period and call to action. Put more bluntly, am I doing the newly sober a disservice to exclusively focus on sharing in his/her elation?

Man, I feel like a wet rag.

LaFemme

I agree with Dee's definitions of recovery.

As for putting a damper on the elation of the newly sober...it kind of pisses me off. I think of it as the honeymoon phase and that the memory of it will help you get through the problems You may later encounter.

I have been on a pink cloud for 10 months now and every day it grows bigger and fluffier in fact it stretches from horizon to horizon.

SweetThing

I'm on a 4th day of sobriety...this is not something new. What would be new is if I change my next 'chunk' of behavior (read: time from now till Monday) by embracing this cloud of feeling good and resist temptation to do what is comfortable.

I plan to pick up the guitar a lot rather than do what I generally do. I'll work on getting my sea legs this weekend.

Ranger

Yes, this fear of being Debbie Downer is what compelled me to include the qualifier "in due time and with compassion". On the latter, I'd like ot think there are many compassionate ways to intruduce and mention the importance of change. For example, "tell me about what else is changing in your life" is a helluva lot more palatable than "glad you're happy now but if you don't start doing XX you're gonna wake up hungover in a ditch". I mean goodness, on the whole I've found the SR gang to be a very compassionate and soft spoken lot.

And that's fantastic. Can we agree, though, that your continuing, expanding ride isn't the natural result of "simply" choosing to stop getting drunk? I don't know you, I only know your posts and they make abundantly clear the fundamental changes that have happened and continue to happen in your life. In other words, at the end of your first sentence above there is a big, huge "BECAUSE..."!