View Poll Results: Have you ever lied about your sober/clean time?
YES - In Real Life or in AA/NA
16
16.84%
YES - On Sober Recovery
1
1.05%
YES - In Real Life / (AA/NA) AND on SR
4
4.21%
NO - I've never liead about my clean/sober time
74
77.89%
Voters: 95. You may not vote on this poll
Have you ever lied about your sober/clean time?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 581
I had more lies of ommission rather than commission-- I just wouldn't say.
But the larger point for me is why would I be surprised that I lied, or someone else lied? Alcoholics lie. We also cheat, steal, delude and malign. Dishonesty is as intergral a part of untreated alcoholism as drinking.
But I do think the reason many people lie is because we are told we must go to a meeting and "fess up." According to who? Who exactly decided that a tour of public confession was a good idea for a relapsing alcoholic?
But the larger point for me is why would I be surprised that I lied, or someone else lied? Alcoholics lie. We also cheat, steal, delude and malign. Dishonesty is as intergral a part of untreated alcoholism as drinking.
But I do think the reason many people lie is because we are told we must go to a meeting and "fess up." According to who? Who exactly decided that a tour of public confession was a good idea for a relapsing alcoholic?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 270
Originally Posted by FrothyJay 
But I do think the reason many people lie is because we are told we must go to a meeting and "fess up." According to who? Who exactly decided that a tour of public confession was a good idea for a relapsing alcoholic?
It doesn't usually work out that way, though. If anything, as DUNE pointed out, the fear of a "shaming ritual" might keep them from coming back at all.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 16
I haven't lied during the time I found SR but I didn't tell...
It wasn't until the morning of day 7 that I finally told my husband that I had found this site and that I wanted to be free from alcohol. I know the reason I didn't tell him was just encase I wanted a drink and he would have never known I'd quit. I took us getting into a fight the night before that in the morning I finally spoke up.
What step is it to let your family know I AM AN ALCOHOLIC???... YUK... i really don't like how that sounds.
One day at a time.... I know I have step 1 & 2 down.. Again one day at a time
It wasn't until the morning of day 7 that I finally told my husband that I had found this site and that I wanted to be free from alcohol. I know the reason I didn't tell him was just encase I wanted a drink and he would have never known I'd quit. I took us getting into a fight the night before that in the morning I finally spoke up.
What step is it to let your family know I AM AN ALCOHOLIC???... YUK... i really don't like how that sounds.
One day at a time.... I know I have step 1 & 2 down.. Again one day at a time
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
Originally Posted by Akua
One day at a time.... I know I have step 1 & 2 down.. Again one day at a time
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 2,126
"...My question is: AA tells us its "One day at a time" If that is the case then was is there so my emphasis on how many days/months/years sober we are?..."
Although 'the people' in AA may use the catch phrase 'one day at a time' it can be found nowhere in the AA program. In fact, it's not found anywhere in the first 164 pages of the BB either. The founders of AA got sober 'for good and all' (in other words, no matter what they wouldn't pick up a drink, they quit forever, to never drink again).
"...I've thought about this myself, having seen many "kings/queens of the 30 day chip". Endless relapse/retread cycles. Those chips can eventually become lead weights dragging you down..."
In a lot of our meetinga here we have a saying when offering chips, especially what we call our 'desire' chip (24-hr chip)....we ask if anyone would like one, or trade a wet one in for a dry one (at which time all other chips that the person may have accumulated may be turned in also).....therefore no lead weights........
(o:
NoelleR
Although 'the people' in AA may use the catch phrase 'one day at a time' it can be found nowhere in the AA program. In fact, it's not found anywhere in the first 164 pages of the BB either. The founders of AA got sober 'for good and all' (in other words, no matter what they wouldn't pick up a drink, they quit forever, to never drink again).
"...I've thought about this myself, having seen many "kings/queens of the 30 day chip". Endless relapse/retread cycles. Those chips can eventually become lead weights dragging you down..."
In a lot of our meetinga here we have a saying when offering chips, especially what we call our 'desire' chip (24-hr chip)....we ask if anyone would like one, or trade a wet one in for a dry one (at which time all other chips that the person may have accumulated may be turned in also).....therefore no lead weights........
(o:
NoelleR
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 15
Originally Posted by Akua
I know the reason I didn't tell him was just encase I wanted a drink and he would have never known I'd quit.
I frequently go 3-4 days w/o, generally though I drink on the weekends. What I am working on currently is whether or not I am able to 'not drink for awhile' - whatever that means.
Ethanol Intolerant
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Cascadia
Posts: 665
I don’t ever remember lying here on SR, however, I have relapsed twice since joining, and I certainly would not put it past me when I am in that mode. Early in my IOP treatment I definitely did lie about my drinking.
Where am I today? In the present I am pretty darned honest. If you ask me, “How are you?” I’ll likely tell you I am fine whether or not that is true, but as far as where I am, what I am doing, and how I am doing it, I am going to give you a straight answer. There may be many things that I am not being honest with myself about, however, these are the sort of things I will not know until I find them.
I am also pretty honest about the past, but a little wary of the inertia of personal history. I won’t lie about the past, but I may not be entirely ready to share either. It is completely contextual, depending on who you are and why you want to know.
And then there is the future. That is a sticky wicket if there ever was one. Can you lie about something you have not done? There are lots of philosophical cubby holes here that don’t really mean much in the end, other than to point out the limitations of language.
I think that honesty is a by-product of recovery and not a primary method for recovery. It is after all entirely possible, though unusual, to be an honest drunk.
Where am I today? In the present I am pretty darned honest. If you ask me, “How are you?” I’ll likely tell you I am fine whether or not that is true, but as far as where I am, what I am doing, and how I am doing it, I am going to give you a straight answer. There may be many things that I am not being honest with myself about, however, these are the sort of things I will not know until I find them.
I am also pretty honest about the past, but a little wary of the inertia of personal history. I won’t lie about the past, but I may not be entirely ready to share either. It is completely contextual, depending on who you are and why you want to know.
And then there is the future. That is a sticky wicket if there ever was one. Can you lie about something you have not done? There are lots of philosophical cubby holes here that don’t really mean much in the end, other than to point out the limitations of language.
I think that honesty is a by-product of recovery and not a primary method for recovery. It is after all entirely possible, though unusual, to be an honest drunk.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Portland
Posts: 1,631
I've never lied in AA--only been to one meeting. I've definitely lied (or ommitted) in person, but on here I don't lie. I just become silent. Like now.
I totally get that lieing about it is really lieing to myself. But I'm okay with that. I am lieing to myself. That's how I can avoid doing something about this. Once I stop kidding myself, or deluding myself, or whatever, I will have to buck up.
Wouldn't want that, now would we?
Isn't lieing part of the syndrome?
I totally get that lieing about it is really lieing to myself. But I'm okay with that. I am lieing to myself. That's how I can avoid doing something about this. Once I stop kidding myself, or deluding myself, or whatever, I will have to buck up.
Wouldn't want that, now would we?
Isn't lieing part of the syndrome?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 270
Originally Posted by NoelleR
"...My question is: AA tells us its "One day at a time" If that is the case then was is there so my emphasis on how many days/months/years sober we are?..."
Although 'the people' in AA may use the catch phrase 'one day at a time' it can be found nowhere in the AA program. In fact, it's not found anywhere in the first 164 pages of the BB either. The founders of AA got sober 'for good and all' (in other words, no matter what they wouldn't pick up a drink, they quit forever, to never drink again).
Although 'the people' in AA may use the catch phrase 'one day at a time' it can be found nowhere in the AA program. In fact, it's not found anywhere in the first 164 pages of the BB either. The founders of AA got sober 'for good and all' (in other words, no matter what they wouldn't pick up a drink, they quit forever, to never drink again).
Relapse was not considered an option. I posted about this in the 12-Step Alcoholism forum:
Relapse and AA Group No. 1, Akron, Ohio, 1940
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 581
Originally Posted by keithj
That's an interesting take. Step 1 (in AA's program of recovery) is all about my internal realization that I do not have the power to stay sober a day at a time.
AA is not about winning the battle day in and day out. It's about the end of the fight.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 484
I think a big part of the reason I'd lie about it, is because sometimes old geezers at meetings I would go to would say stuff like, "Are you going to stick around this time?" All sarcastically. I'd bite my tongue, but I'll be honest, a lot of times I'd feel like saying, "Are you going to be alive tomorrow?" 
I know they mean well, but their execution is nothing short of terrible. Nobody who's coming back wants to be told what a f****up they are. You already know.
I know they mean well, but their execution is nothing short of terrible. Nobody who's coming back wants to be told what a f****up they are. You already know.
Last edited by Dee74; 05-04-2011 at 02:20 PM.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 581
Originally Posted by Squizz
I think a big part of the reason I'd lie about it, is because sometimes old geezers at meetings I would go to would say stuff like, "Are you going to stick around this time?" All sarcastically. I'd bite my tongue, but I'll be honest, a lot of times I'd feel like saying, "Are you going to be alive tomorrow?"
I know they mean well, but their execution is nothing short of terrible. Nobody who's coming back wants to be told what a fukkup they are. You already know.
I know they mean well, but their execution is nothing short of terrible. Nobody who's coming back wants to be told what a fukkup they are. You already know.
They don't mean well. They are using suffering alcoholics for leverage.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 484
Originally Posted by FrothyJay
You give them more credit than I would.
They don't mean well. They are using suffering alcoholics for leverage.
They don't mean well. They are using suffering alcoholics for leverage.
Thankfully though, it's usually only the one miserable geezer. He even has the audacity to say this sorta' stuff when I'm helping setup meetings he's going to, and even when I've been sober for MONTHS.
He's one of those people who isn't comfortable in his sobriety. You can tell. Everybody has bad days, but to be that miserable all the time...........would suck.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
I have no reason to lie to anyone. I can't see any reason in lying. I'd ultimately only be hurting myself. Lying was part of fascade as an alcoholic. Unlying is part of my recovery.
97 days and no lie.
97 days and no lie.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Arizona
Posts: 76
No I don't lie about my 67 days, for me they are quite the accomplishment. But you bring up an interesting point John...am I counting my days so closely in preparation for the "inevidable" relapse? I' ve seen it often on SR and then I too can say I made it XX days only to start over again..........I hope not but will certainly give it some thought.
Interesting post and point.
Interesting post and point.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
You know I answered "no" because for me this is really my first time ever sober...but when I was drinking I sometimes told people I hadn't been drinking when they asked...this only happened once or twice.
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