Class of May 2011
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: near London, UK
Posts: 582
Thanks for the link - will look right now.
I have looked at the urge surfing link quite a few times and am interested in learning more how to do it properly. However it has helped me with me having a go at it my own way a few times - esp Sat when I was struggling badly.
I hope I can turn things around for my daughters - I find it hard to imagine being able to consider myself a great role model but I can make the rest of our time together better.
I have looked at the urge surfing link quite a few times and am interested in learning more how to do it properly. However it has helped me with me having a go at it my own way a few times - esp Sat when I was struggling badly.
I hope I can turn things around for my daughters - I find it hard to imagine being able to consider myself a great role model but I can make the rest of our time together better.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 11
Hi, wondering if I can join the thread?
Today is my first day here on SR, and it's the first day I've ever truly contemplated quitting drinking for good. I've spent the better part of hte last 5 years trying to moderate/cut back my drinking. Unfortunately, I drink more and more as time passes.
I'm annoyed at myself b/c there is no reason for me to be doing this to myself. I'm a happily married 34 year old, an attorney, mother to twin one-year-old boys. I work part time, have a great house, good family. All is well except I drink like a frigging fish.
I'm that woman who loves her wine. A bottle a night, though it's been increasing lately (a beer before my wine, or a glass or 2 of white before the bottle of red). I gave it up completely while pregnant, so I told myself it's habit, not physical addiction. But when I had the boys I was right back at it.
When I go a day or two without drinking I reward myself with a binge. Makes sense.
Last night was a final straw - I had a vodka cocktail and 3 glasses of wine out at dinner, only to come home and drink a bottle of red. I cannot explain what the hell made me think that was ok.
I need help. I'm scared to ask for it and admit that so here I am, online...
I think that's all I've got at this moment. Thanks for letting me vent in your thread.
Today is my first day here on SR, and it's the first day I've ever truly contemplated quitting drinking for good. I've spent the better part of hte last 5 years trying to moderate/cut back my drinking. Unfortunately, I drink more and more as time passes.
I'm annoyed at myself b/c there is no reason for me to be doing this to myself. I'm a happily married 34 year old, an attorney, mother to twin one-year-old boys. I work part time, have a great house, good family. All is well except I drink like a frigging fish.
I'm that woman who loves her wine. A bottle a night, though it's been increasing lately (a beer before my wine, or a glass or 2 of white before the bottle of red). I gave it up completely while pregnant, so I told myself it's habit, not physical addiction. But when I had the boys I was right back at it.
When I go a day or two without drinking I reward myself with a binge. Makes sense.
Last night was a final straw - I had a vodka cocktail and 3 glasses of wine out at dinner, only to come home and drink a bottle of red. I cannot explain what the hell made me think that was ok.
I need help. I'm scared to ask for it and admit that so here I am, online...
I think that's all I've got at this moment. Thanks for letting me vent in your thread.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: near London, UK
Posts: 582
Welcome Jersey, great to have you here on SR and in with the May group.
Youve come to the right place for information, support and inspiration.
Any questions you have someone here will be able to help you for sure.
Well done on your decision to address your drinking issues. Do you have an inkling of a plan for how you are going to proceed from here? I know when I first wanted to stop I didnt know where to turn or what to do. I wish I had found this site back then.
Very best of luck to you and I look forward to hearing more from you.
PS x
Youve come to the right place for information, support and inspiration.
Any questions you have someone here will be able to help you for sure.
Well done on your decision to address your drinking issues. Do you have an inkling of a plan for how you are going to proceed from here? I know when I first wanted to stop I didnt know where to turn or what to do. I wish I had found this site back then.
Very best of luck to you and I look forward to hearing more from you.
PS x
Resting Easy
Join Date: May 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 99
Gosh, I just typed a whole post and it disappeared! So here goes again. I hope I don't hit that key again....
I'm at Week One!!!
It's Mother's Day in the U.S. today and I'm thinking about how hard that will be for many people. My own mother passed away several years ago. She was an alcoholic, but wouldn't admit it. She definitely knew she was drinking herself to death though. She just didn't want to be told what to do. It transformed her whole personality so she was unrecognizable as the mother I knew as a child. When I was a child she was a social drinker...weekends only. Gradually that turned into all weekend only...then every evening. After my dad died, she claimed to be drowning her sorrow. It got so bad she was drinking all day every day. We tried to do an intervention but she managed to set herself up with an enabler and move way out to the middle of nowhere. She died of hepatitis as a result of drinking. I like to think of her in heaven, finally sober. Mom, I love you. I forgive you. I am taking the step you never took but I know you want me to take it. So Mom, this step is for you too. Happy Mother's Day, everyone. Stay strong! Its an emotional roller coaster this day, for many of us, but with the help of our higher power we can take this day too, as another day of sobriety.
I'm at Week One!!!
It's Mother's Day in the U.S. today and I'm thinking about how hard that will be for many people. My own mother passed away several years ago. She was an alcoholic, but wouldn't admit it. She definitely knew she was drinking herself to death though. She just didn't want to be told what to do. It transformed her whole personality so she was unrecognizable as the mother I knew as a child. When I was a child she was a social drinker...weekends only. Gradually that turned into all weekend only...then every evening. After my dad died, she claimed to be drowning her sorrow. It got so bad she was drinking all day every day. We tried to do an intervention but she managed to set herself up with an enabler and move way out to the middle of nowhere. She died of hepatitis as a result of drinking. I like to think of her in heaven, finally sober. Mom, I love you. I forgive you. I am taking the step you never took but I know you want me to take it. So Mom, this step is for you too. Happy Mother's Day, everyone. Stay strong! Its an emotional roller coaster this day, for many of us, but with the help of our higher power we can take this day too, as another day of sobriety.
Resting Easy
Join Date: May 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 99
I liked the Smart Tools, NoTears. Thanks for the link...especially for thoughts on
PUTTING THE PAST BEHIND YOU
• What is past is all said and done. What remains to be seen is what I can bring to my present and future.
• Better for me to concentrate on what I'm doing today rather than on what I did or didn't do yesteryear.
• Better to do in the present than to stew about the past.
• The past isn't going to get any better!
• Poor decisions made in the past do not have to be repeated in the present.
• Because something once happened doesn't mean that it has to continue to happen.
• No matter how bad any event was, I do not have to allow it to continue to have a negative influence on my life.
• I cannot rewrite history and change what has already happened.
• Whining and screaming about the injustices and unfairness of the past will only take a bad situation and make it worse.
• I don't have to be the one person in the universe to have been treated with total fairness and kindness — and I don't have to moan and groan about the fact that I wasn't.
• I'm going to put more money down on what can yet be made to happen than on what has already happened.
• Having been treated unfairly in the past is all the more reason to treat myself fairly in the present.
• Now that I have been shown how not to treat people, I can have a better start on how to treat them.
• I don't have to take the unkindnesses of the past and turn them into insults in the present.
• I can use what did not kill me in the past to make myself emotionally strong
in the present.
• I may have suffered deprivation in the past, but I have not been degraded or
demeaned by it.
• People's treating me like dirt in the past does not mean that I am dirt.
• Feeling sorry for myself, angry toward others, guilty, or ashamed for getting
the short end of the stick in the past will only continue to keep me from
achieving happiness in the present and future.
• I am an active stewing-in-my-own-juices participant in my present
victimization and can choose instead to make plans to move forward with my
life.
• What I tell myself today is much more important than what others have told
me in the past.
• Past experiences do not represent me. Rather, they represent things I have
experienced; they do not make me into a better or worse person.
• The enemy is not my past; the enemy is my way of thinking about my past.
• Going on an archeological dig of my past in an effort to explain my present
difficulties is like trying to find a needle in a haystack and will only divert me
from present problem-solving.
• Everything that has happened in my life happened. Therefore, I'd better get
off my high horse and stop pigheadedly demanding that it should not have
occurred, when in truth it did occur.
• What has happened to me is not nearly as important as what I decide to do
with it.
• I will try to be successful in putting my past behind me by changing my
thoughts and feelings about it, but I don't have to put myself down if I fall
short of the put-it-behind-me mark.
PUTTING THE PAST BEHIND YOU
• What is past is all said and done. What remains to be seen is what I can bring to my present and future.
• Better for me to concentrate on what I'm doing today rather than on what I did or didn't do yesteryear.
• Better to do in the present than to stew about the past.
• The past isn't going to get any better!
• Poor decisions made in the past do not have to be repeated in the present.
• Because something once happened doesn't mean that it has to continue to happen.
• No matter how bad any event was, I do not have to allow it to continue to have a negative influence on my life.
• I cannot rewrite history and change what has already happened.
• Whining and screaming about the injustices and unfairness of the past will only take a bad situation and make it worse.
• I don't have to be the one person in the universe to have been treated with total fairness and kindness — and I don't have to moan and groan about the fact that I wasn't.
• I'm going to put more money down on what can yet be made to happen than on what has already happened.
• Having been treated unfairly in the past is all the more reason to treat myself fairly in the present.
• Now that I have been shown how not to treat people, I can have a better start on how to treat them.
• I don't have to take the unkindnesses of the past and turn them into insults in the present.
• I can use what did not kill me in the past to make myself emotionally strong
in the present.
• I may have suffered deprivation in the past, but I have not been degraded or
demeaned by it.
• People's treating me like dirt in the past does not mean that I am dirt.
• Feeling sorry for myself, angry toward others, guilty, or ashamed for getting
the short end of the stick in the past will only continue to keep me from
achieving happiness in the present and future.
• I am an active stewing-in-my-own-juices participant in my present
victimization and can choose instead to make plans to move forward with my
life.
• What I tell myself today is much more important than what others have told
me in the past.
• Past experiences do not represent me. Rather, they represent things I have
experienced; they do not make me into a better or worse person.
• The enemy is not my past; the enemy is my way of thinking about my past.
• Going on an archeological dig of my past in an effort to explain my present
difficulties is like trying to find a needle in a haystack and will only divert me
from present problem-solving.
• Everything that has happened in my life happened. Therefore, I'd better get
off my high horse and stop pigheadedly demanding that it should not have
occurred, when in truth it did occur.
• What has happened to me is not nearly as important as what I decide to do
with it.
• I will try to be successful in putting my past behind me by changing my
thoughts and feelings about it, but I don't have to put myself down if I fall
short of the put-it-behind-me mark.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Northern Ireland
Posts: 450
1 Week today
I gave up drink "again!!" last week as I didn't feel that my behaviour was glorifying God - Since then I have found SR Yay!! and AA speaker tapes that can be downloaded onto my iphone and an hypnosis app call Quit Drinking - I believe God has brought these resources into my life.
So moved TodayToo with your post.. your Mother will be so proud of you x
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Idaho
Posts: 87
[QUOTE=Ranger;2961179]May I say You May guys are a pretty awesome bunch.
Generally speaking, it seems we alcoholics are an introverted and/or anxious lot. It makes me wonder of the chicken and egg.
__________________________________________________ ______________________________
Thinking back things Ive posted. I hope I didnt over step my boundries or offend anyone. Day 8. Ive had to work all weekend. I have two days off starting tomorrow. I know the urge to drink is going to hit me when Im alone tomorrow. I have plans to stay busy. I want to work on my garden but its going to rain the whole time. Im nervous. I dont want to slip. I feel the monster lurking...
Generally speaking, it seems we alcoholics are an introverted and/or anxious lot. It makes me wonder of the chicken and egg.
__________________________________________________ ______________________________
Thinking back things Ive posted. I hope I didnt over step my boundries or offend anyone. Day 8. Ive had to work all weekend. I have two days off starting tomorrow. I know the urge to drink is going to hit me when Im alone tomorrow. I have plans to stay busy. I want to work on my garden but its going to rain the whole time. Im nervous. I dont want to slip. I feel the monster lurking...
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Idaho
Posts: 87
I would also like to say Happy Mothers Day.
And to say thanks TodayToo for your post. I was also moved. And "putting the past behind you". A good read.
I was wondering what SMART was. Thanks for the link NoTears. I can use all the armor I can get my hands on to fight this monster.
And to say thanks TodayToo for your post. I was also moved. And "putting the past behind you". A good read.
I was wondering what SMART was. Thanks for the link NoTears. I can use all the armor I can get my hands on to fight this monster.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 11
Pumpkin Soup, I'm not sure if I have a plan, tbh. Just to check in here and post a lot...
Tonight was a small success. Went to mom and dad's with my dh and the babies. Mom had wine, dh, BIL and dad had beer, sis had a gin and tonic. I had lemonade.
Tonight was a small success. Went to mom and dad's with my dh and the babies. Mom had wine, dh, BIL and dad had beer, sis had a gin and tonic. I had lemonade.
Encourager In Training
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: KS
Posts: 717
Originally Posted by 3steeds 
I know the urge to drink is going to hit me when Im alone tomorrow. I have plans to stay busy. I want to work on my garden but its going to rain the whole time. Im nervous. I dont want to slip. I feel the monster lurking...
Sounds like you know yourself well! If you're already worried about urges, then the waves are pretty likely.
So how about I pray while you sandbag AND pray.
Resting Easy
Join Date: May 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 99
Sure am glad to see others jumping on board the sober train. 
Hang on folks, it could be a bumpy ride!!
We can make it if we ust keep remembering its not all up to us. We can help each other and God will do the rest if we get our egos out of the way and don't try to override what is real. I have to accept I need help to make it through every day and then take it one day at a time. I believe this is not a temporary solution but a lifetime solution. There will never come a time when I can safely say, "Alright, see I made it x number of days, so I don't really have a problem..." I will never be able to say that without knowing I'm deluding myself and setting myself up for more pain and agony. Do we all get that?
Even if we do, its going to be a bumpy ride....:
but we can share it and make a little more bearable and even kind of fun.
Hang on folks, it could be a bumpy ride!!
We can make it if we ust keep remembering its not all up to us. We can help each other and God will do the rest if we get our egos out of the way and don't try to override what is real. I have to accept I need help to make it through every day and then take it one day at a time. I believe this is not a temporary solution but a lifetime solution. There will never come a time when I can safely say, "Alright, see I made it x number of days, so I don't really have a problem..." I will never be able to say that without knowing I'm deluding myself and setting myself up for more pain and agony. Do we all get that?
Even if we do, its going to be a bumpy ride....
:but we can share it and make a little more bearable and even kind of fun.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 18
7 days sober / how to join the May 2011 group? 
Hello,
I am 7 days sober today! Last week was anxiety driven, culminating in Friday and Saturday night. I made it though! I am quite proud with my first week's accomplishment. Seeing the positives is encouraging. I can see things more clearly now and in fact found myself tearing up at a sad video, which is something I had not been able to do before. It's as if a wellspring of emotions are beginning to seep out, includling some mild anger. But, that's okay. I have gone through several tea bags of Sweet Dreams and Sleepytime tea, and that seems calming to a degree.
I'm looking forward to joining in here, and elsewhere on the forum to share and learn. The biggest plus was not having that nagging irritibilty to hurry and imbibe. Deep breathing helped too.
I would like to join the May 2011 "class." What does that involve?
Best,
ZG
:wiggle
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: near London, UK
Posts: 582
Zgardenbug - welcome! Youve done all you need to do to join this "class".
Well done on your 7 days and it sounds like youve done this on your own so far - that is an achievement! Good news is now you are here you now have lots of company - you can share your ups and downs and cheer on or help others who need it.
We are at the same stage, Im on my 8th day starting just now. It feels great to be able to say ive been sober for a week.
Very best of luck to you.
PS xx
Well done on your 7 days and it sounds like youve done this on your own so far - that is an achievement! Good news is now you are here you now have lots of company - you can share your ups and downs and cheer on or help others who need it.
We are at the same stage, Im on my 8th day starting just now. It feels great to be able to say ive been sober for a week.
Very best of luck to you.
PS xx
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: near London, UK
Posts: 582
Todaytoo - yay, we did a week.
Ive lost quite a few messages that ive spent a long time typing. I think its something to do with where I rest my fingers on my laptop after ive finished. Its infuriating isnt it! Breathe deep....... Im posting in batches now in case it happens again!
Your post about your Mum really moved me and gave me some food for thought.
Your points regarding the past are a good reminder for us all to keep moving forward - as someone said to me at the AA meeting yesterday - "you can look back but don't stare".
Im sort of enjoying this, my last, ride on the rollercoaster. Some of the bumps are unpleasant but in the main its carrying me to a fantastic wonderland and we should most definately make sure we have fun on the way!
Ive lost quite a few messages that ive spent a long time typing. I think its something to do with where I rest my fingers on my laptop after ive finished. Its infuriating isnt it! Breathe deep....... Im posting in batches now in case it happens again!
Your post about your Mum really moved me and gave me some food for thought.
Your points regarding the past are a good reminder for us all to keep moving forward - as someone said to me at the AA meeting yesterday - "you can look back but don't stare".
Im sort of enjoying this, my last, ride on the rollercoaster. Some of the bumps are unpleasant but in the main its carrying me to a fantastic wonderland and we should most definately make sure we have fun on the way!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: near London, UK
Posts: 582
3steeds - You can get through those two days - I had the same situation on Saturday, I was alone and it was raining - I dont know how I got through it but somehow I did and I can remember waking on Sunday being happy but also thinking alot about how I would of felt if I had given in.
Yesterday I did not crave a drink at all, not once! Drink popped into my mind several times but I didnt want to. I dont know how that happened its a first for me. I am putting it down to the strength I got from beating the cravings on Saturday but also, and maybe more importantly, the fact that I had a meeting to go to, went to and enjoyed. Met some lovely people, got another phone number - made new friends - was given lots of snippets of great advice and suggestions.
Are you able to get to a meeting??? You dont have to speak to anyone but I bet you do
(Sorry if youve covered this before - my memory is so bad still).
Anyway, good luck, stay stong and we are here for you!
xx
PS x
Yesterday I did not crave a drink at all, not once! Drink popped into my mind several times but I didnt want to. I dont know how that happened its a first for me. I am putting it down to the strength I got from beating the cravings on Saturday but also, and maybe more importantly, the fact that I had a meeting to go to, went to and enjoyed. Met some lovely people, got another phone number - made new friends - was given lots of snippets of great advice and suggestions.
Are you able to get to a meeting??? You dont have to speak to anyone but I bet you do
(Sorry if youve covered this before - my memory is so bad still).
Anyway, good luck, stay stong and we are here for you!
xx
PS x
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: near London, UK
Posts: 582
Ranger - thanks for words of wisdom and for popping in here to guide us.
Can you translate what you mean by "sandbag"? Not sure if its a language barrier thing or me just being dumb and its a reference to the rain....
Can you translate what you mean by "sandbag"? Not sure if its a language barrier thing or me just being dumb and its a reference to the rain....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: near London, UK
Posts: 582
Jersey - well done on sticking to lemonade - how did you find it - was it no bother, uncomfortable, (add any other sensation/emotion here) or simply refreshing?
Reading and posting on here is a great start. You may want to invest in some literature. I have plenty of AA books and would recommend their "living sober" as a great starting point.
Keep us informed of how you are getting on - as its your first attempt to deal with the problem you will probably experience alot of stuff, physically and emotionally, possibly good and bad, going on. Face to face support is usually vital but I can understand you wanting to keep this to yourself at the moment - see how you get on then keep getting advice from the wonderful people on here as to what you could do next if you run into any difficulties.
Good luck.
PS xx
Reading and posting on here is a great start. You may want to invest in some literature. I have plenty of AA books and would recommend their "living sober" as a great starting point.
Keep us informed of how you are getting on - as its your first attempt to deal with the problem you will probably experience alot of stuff, physically and emotionally, possibly good and bad, going on. Face to face support is usually vital but I can understand you wanting to keep this to yourself at the moment - see how you get on then keep getting advice from the wonderful people on here as to what you could do next if you run into any difficulties.
Good luck.
PS xx
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: near London, UK
Posts: 582
General update on me
Knackered after all those posts haha.
Im good, sleeping tons now and really well. Mental dreams going on. This morning I was woken at 8:50 by my phone ringing but I was dreaming that my ex husband was driving a bus at high speed with me, my daughters and some other kids I seem to have had in dreamworld inside. He was driving it down pavements just missing innocent people and children and prams and the like.
I have alot of dreams about buses but this was the most "exciting" one. Glad the call woke me though.
So, im sleeping lots but despite having an inner high about my sober week, I am still quite tired. I could easily go back to bed an sleep more. I guess this is my bodies way of healing. Its preferable to not being able to sleep and being tired by a long run so I will settle for this.
All in all I would sum last week up as fairly easy apart from a few incidents of craving and the major close call on Saturday. Yesterday I did not want a drink once and I find that truly amazing. It shows me that in future I may go 2, 3, 4 etc days without wanting to drink and in time to come maybe I will not want to drink more often than I do. This is a big step forward for me and a huge encouragement. Im just going to say it again so I remember it and people notice it (for their benefit) I DID NOT WANT TO DRINK NOR DID HAVE I HAVE URGES TO FOR A WHOLE DAY.
Id mess around with the font and make it huge but I dont want to lose the message again.
Right i've hogged this place for far too long now I look forward to hearing back from you all (everyone in the class I mean not just the ones I have replied to today) and any newcomers.
May 2011 is a wonderful month
Im good, sleeping tons now and really well. Mental dreams going on. This morning I was woken at 8:50 by my phone ringing but I was dreaming that my ex husband was driving a bus at high speed with me, my daughters and some other kids I seem to have had in dreamworld inside. He was driving it down pavements just missing innocent people and children and prams and the like.
I have alot of dreams about buses but this was the most "exciting" one. Glad the call woke me though.
So, im sleeping lots but despite having an inner high about my sober week, I am still quite tired. I could easily go back to bed an sleep more. I guess this is my bodies way of healing. Its preferable to not being able to sleep and being tired by a long run so I will settle for this.
All in all I would sum last week up as fairly easy apart from a few incidents of craving and the major close call on Saturday. Yesterday I did not want a drink once and I find that truly amazing. It shows me that in future I may go 2, 3, 4 etc days without wanting to drink and in time to come maybe I will not want to drink more often than I do. This is a big step forward for me and a huge encouragement. Im just going to say it again so I remember it and people notice it (for their benefit) I DID NOT WANT TO DRINK NOR DID HAVE I HAVE URGES TO FOR A WHOLE DAY.
Id mess around with the font and make it huge but I dont want to lose the message again.
Right i've hogged this place for far too long now I look forward to hearing back from you all (everyone in the class I mean not just the ones I have replied to today) and any newcomers.
May 2011 is a wonderful month
Encourager In Training
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: KS
Posts: 717
Originally Posted by Pumpkin Soup
Not sure if its a language barrier thing or me just being dumb and its a reference to the rain....
Yeah, "sandbag" is a reference to buiding a dam against flood and is local (to me) jargon for "preparing for the worst".
What is great about this thread you guys have going is 1) You're HERE, and 2) The repeated references to SMART, AA, and other programs that recognize for most of us alkies achieving lasting, happy sobriety requires action and change.
Those action words can be intimidating, offputting, and the like. But, the payoffs for one's dedication to the task of building a sober life are quite heavenly.
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