Class of May 2011
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: near London, UK
Posts: 582
Thank you both.
Very happy I didnt cave I would have felt so terrible tomorrow - even if I hadnt had loads.
Im looking forward to Sunday morning now
Shouldnt be so difficult as Sunday is a day I really dont want to drink cos of work Monday - my addiction voice was screaming its Saturday at me earlier when I was feeling low. Phew!
Had a nice dinner, with company (yes he turned up but has a hangover haha!!! - he isnt an alcie he doesnt drink much or often normally) watched Britains Got Talent and Casualty (love the hospital shows). Not tired anymore which is a shame now as itd be good to sleep well but im just thanking my blessings I didnt go back to insanity just cos I was feeling low for a couple of hours.
Its so scary though - I really really WANTED to at the time - how do I make that go away?
Day 7 tomorrow - yay!!!
Very happy I didnt cave I would have felt so terrible tomorrow - even if I hadnt had loads.
Im looking forward to Sunday morning now
Shouldnt be so difficult as Sunday is a day I really dont want to drink cos of work Monday - my addiction voice was screaming its Saturday at me earlier when I was feeling low. Phew!Had a nice dinner, with company (yes he turned up but has a hangover haha!!! - he isnt an alcie he doesnt drink much or often normally) watched Britains Got Talent and Casualty (love the hospital shows). Not tired anymore which is a shame now as itd be good to sleep well but im just thanking my blessings I didnt go back to insanity just cos I was feeling low for a couple of hours.
Its so scary though - I really really WANTED to at the time - how do I make that go away?
Day 7 tomorrow - yay!!!
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Idaho
Posts: 87
Glad you made it Pumpkin. Like CatFry said..you are an inspiration.
For me, I had to dump all my vodka. I cant have any alcohol near me for a while..until I learn to cope with my problem a bit more. I still feel weak and I hate to admit that. Ive been drinking a lot of tea (Im a coffee drinker, but I am having troubles sleeping lately. Wierd dreams, on the verge of nightmarish.), holding my mojo (to thine own self be true!), reading my reasons to not drink today, and spending time reading on this site.
Im trying to realize what my higher power means to me. I am not a religous man so I am struggleing with it. I spend a lot of time alone now and thats when its the worst for me. Despair. I fear the worst is yet to come. Ive tried to do it alone many times before and I couldnt. Im glad I found AA and this site. I need you folks more than you might imagine.
For me, I had to dump all my vodka. I cant have any alcohol near me for a while..until I learn to cope with my problem a bit more. I still feel weak and I hate to admit that. Ive been drinking a lot of tea (Im a coffee drinker, but I am having troubles sleeping lately. Wierd dreams, on the verge of nightmarish.), holding my mojo (to thine own self be true!), reading my reasons to not drink today, and spending time reading on this site.
Im trying to realize what my higher power means to me. I am not a religous man so I am struggleing with it. I spend a lot of time alone now and thats when its the worst for me. Despair. I fear the worst is yet to come. Ive tried to do it alone many times before and I couldnt. Im glad I found AA and this site. I need you folks more than you might imagine.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Idaho
Posts: 87
..I should add that Ive been drinking lots of water, eating fruits like apples and bananas (complex sugars) and taking vitamins. I dont think it will keep the monster away, but it may help to keep him at bay..I feel him lurking in the dark..Im going to order the book "under the influence" since I have seen it mentioned numerous times on SR.. Stay Strong my Friends!
Resting Easy
Join Date: May 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 99
Day 7 --- I don't have a chip because I haven't been to a meeting. I'm just here on SR and planning to go to a meeting soon. Hard to do with my schedule and being on call. I heard the speaker ones are good. Might try that. I give myself a thumbs up gif every day I can clock out with my calories under 1200 and my Alcohol column zero. I went to the beach today. It was in the 60's but sunny and warmed up by mid afternoon. I sorted through some negative stuff in my head and got back into a groovy place. The ocean helps me do that even in the worst of times. I keep it as my best resort. I was thinking how everyone walks along the edge, just dipping their feet in now and then, and how powerful it is. Many people were just sitting facing it as if in devotion. Dads carrying their daughters out into it and young lovers strolliing hand in hand along side it. Seems like a higher power to me. Then I thought about the sea gulls and how they were scattered on the winds like so many prayers going hither and yon. I went back to my towel and lay down to get some sun and a sea gull dropped a message on my foot. I laughed aloud and thought prayers answered I guess. I went to the snack bar where they have beer as well as sodas. I bought some french fries (chips - you'd call them in the UK) and a diet pepsi. I looked at the beers, so cool and refreshing looking on the advertisement... and thought of you all on SR...and resisted...my first craving. Stay strong! We can do it.
Resting Easy
Join Date: May 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 99
I found an online meeting on one of the posts! They have a Sunday evening meeting for recovery that I'm going to try out tomorrow. Here it is if you're interested too: Online Intergroup : Alcoholics Anonymous
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: near London, UK
Posts: 582
Morning all.
Just in the groggy phase of waking up so unsure of my mood but there is definate relief that I got through yesterday without picking up.
3steeds - I had meant to ask the ex to take the cider with him midweek but forgot, he had one glass last night and I will get him to take the rest of it with him when he leaves. I dream alot too, drinking or not, I remember when I have previously gone over a week without drinkikng the dreams getting very intense. Ive had a few so far (including one drinking dream) but they dont disturb me too much as im so used to them. I feel very lucky I slept about 7 hours last night (woke twice but got back off again) if that continues i'll be a happy lady.
Todaytoo - the beach sounds wonderful, makes me crave getting to one. In good traffic I could its about an hour and a half drive. Maybe thats what I will do on my birthday. One thing that worries me is your calorie intake - 1200 is very very low. We all have our own journey and ways of doing things but I know if that was me I would probably have lost it by now. I can only concentrate on getting used to not drinking. Once that feels more natural I will address my diet more seriously. I put on A LOT of weight over the past 5 years due to the alcohol calories and I dont like the way I look at the moment. However if I go back to drinking then its not going to be sorted out anyway so for now I am trying to eat more healthilly in general but hunger is a big trigger for me. You sound like you are already very spiritual and if it works for you thats amazing and fantastic. Just please dont push yourself too hard. Sorry I feel very unqualified giving out suggestions like this but its what ive been told by many long term sober people.
Thanks for the link - ummmmm what time would that be in the uk haha?
Ive got a meeting at 12:30 today anyway. Gonna do us a nice english breakfast (that'll be over the 1200 calories already) tidy up around the house a bit then get off to the meeting.
8:15 on a Sunday morning and awake and ready to do stuff - another pleasant first in a very long time
:dance 1:
Just in the groggy phase of waking up so unsure of my mood but there is definate relief that I got through yesterday without picking up.
3steeds - I had meant to ask the ex to take the cider with him midweek but forgot, he had one glass last night and I will get him to take the rest of it with him when he leaves. I dream alot too, drinking or not, I remember when I have previously gone over a week without drinkikng the dreams getting very intense. Ive had a few so far (including one drinking dream) but they dont disturb me too much as im so used to them. I feel very lucky I slept about 7 hours last night (woke twice but got back off again) if that continues i'll be a happy lady.
Todaytoo - the beach sounds wonderful, makes me crave getting to one. In good traffic I could its about an hour and a half drive. Maybe thats what I will do on my birthday. One thing that worries me is your calorie intake - 1200 is very very low. We all have our own journey and ways of doing things but I know if that was me I would probably have lost it by now. I can only concentrate on getting used to not drinking. Once that feels more natural I will address my diet more seriously. I put on A LOT of weight over the past 5 years due to the alcohol calories and I dont like the way I look at the moment. However if I go back to drinking then its not going to be sorted out anyway so for now I am trying to eat more healthilly in general but hunger is a big trigger for me. You sound like you are already very spiritual and if it works for you thats amazing and fantastic. Just please dont push yourself too hard. Sorry I feel very unqualified giving out suggestions like this but its what ive been told by many long term sober people.
Thanks for the link - ummmmm what time would that be in the uk haha?
Ive got a meeting at 12:30 today anyway. Gonna do us a nice english breakfast (that'll be over the 1200 calories already) tidy up around the house a bit then get off to the meeting.
8:15 on a Sunday morning and awake and ready to do stuff - another pleasant first in a very long time
:dance 1:
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Idaho
Posts: 87
Originally Posted by almay777 
Hi Guys hope you dont mind if I join. My sobriety date is 4th May so this is day 4 for me now and struggling. Really gald to be here once again and hope this time I can make it stick.
Pumpkin Soup: Im from the UK too.
Pumpkin Soup: Im from the UK too.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 232
I went out last night with a friend and had a really nice time without alcohol! It helped that she wasn't drinking either because she was driving. In a way it was funny to be sitting there with coke while most people were on beer or wine.
I noticed the voice in my head which tells me: 'its boring not to drink.. have some fun.. chill out, relax.. just have one or two...'
The good thing is that though I did consider ordering a glass of wine I didn't. In fact at lunchtime my sister had offered me wine and then last night my friend offered to buy me a glass of wine too. Both times I said 'No thanks, really, I'm fine'
In the past I would have been thrilled with such offers! Now its great to realise I can enjoy myself without it. The more I believe this the stronger my resolve to stay sober becomes.. I can actually picture a life without it now and it feels like a real possibility!
Pumpkin soup its great you held on too and didn't pick up!
3steeds I find the same about times when I'm alone, it is harder and drink was often my steady companion at times like that. Hold on. I hope it gets easier for you.
Todaytoo your beach story was lovely! I could picture it all and laughed at the seagulls present to you! What struck me was a sense of diversity and belonging...different people doing different things and all part of that sunny day-out by the shore.
I hope I feel this sense of belonging more, being engaged with life and not cut off and detatched because I'm thinking of getting home so I can open the fridge and sneak a glass of wine without anyone noticing...
I've a busy day today and thankfully I have a clear head to help me get everything done. SR is a wonderful support as I find my feet again.
Have a lovely Sunday the class of May...
I noticed the voice in my head which tells me: 'its boring not to drink.. have some fun.. chill out, relax.. just have one or two...'
The good thing is that though I did consider ordering a glass of wine I didn't. In fact at lunchtime my sister had offered me wine and then last night my friend offered to buy me a glass of wine too. Both times I said 'No thanks, really, I'm fine'
In the past I would have been thrilled with such offers! Now its great to realise I can enjoy myself without it. The more I believe this the stronger my resolve to stay sober becomes.. I can actually picture a life without it now and it feels like a real possibility!
Pumpkin soup its great you held on too and didn't pick up!
3steeds I find the same about times when I'm alone, it is harder and drink was often my steady companion at times like that. Hold on. I hope it gets easier for you.
Todaytoo your beach story was lovely! I could picture it all and laughed at the seagulls present to you! What struck me was a sense of diversity and belonging...different people doing different things and all part of that sunny day-out by the shore.
I hope I feel this sense of belonging more, being engaged with life and not cut off and detatched because I'm thinking of getting home so I can open the fridge and sneak a glass of wine without anyone noticing...
I've a busy day today and thankfully I have a clear head to help me get everything done. SR is a wonderful support as I find my feet again.
Have a lovely Sunday the class of May...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: near London, UK
Posts: 582
Hi Lip, glad you joined us - from your previous experience I think you can teach us all alot.
Marria - glad you had a good night out and its great you didnt even want to drink. Im not confident enough in myself yet to risk situations like that - I can so easily cave in a split second without a moments thought, I have to get lots of sober days behind me and just get used to not drinking at pretty much every occasion.
Got my meeting soon which is great timing as on my own again now and if I do a bit of shopping on the way home it wont be too long until my daughters come back. How nice it will be for them to see me awake, alert, happy and not trying to hide the fact im nursing a hangover and having to have a lie down every hour.
I look forward to hearing how others are getting on when I return.
Marria - glad you had a good night out and its great you didnt even want to drink. Im not confident enough in myself yet to risk situations like that - I can so easily cave in a split second without a moments thought, I have to get lots of sober days behind me and just get used to not drinking at pretty much every occasion.
Got my meeting soon which is great timing as on my own again now and if I do a bit of shopping on the way home it wont be too long until my daughters come back. How nice it will be for them to see me awake, alert, happy and not trying to hide the fact im nursing a hangover and having to have a lie down every hour.
I look forward to hearing how others are getting on when I return.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: France
Posts: 783
When tempted and I've gone through the HALT thing and it seems nothing is going to work, I've found reading AA literature helps, or going through the SMART toolbox and others too. Call people on the phone to help you past the urge too.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: near London, UK
Posts: 582
Thanks Californiapoppy,
I know I should ring people it just seems one area i'm stuck. I dont feel comfortable ringing people out of the blue esp if I dont know them very well - I also dont enjoy talking on the telephone, its almost like a sort of phobia. Im ok with texting - and posting on here. I think that my post when I was struggling yesterday helped me a bit - just getting it out in some way eased it a little. Perhaps if I text someone (I have plenty of peoples numbers from AA meetings) when I am in trouble then if they ring me I might be ok to answer.
I kind of feel safe now ive got through the weekend - Im trying not to think ahead but next Saturday will be my day 13 - thats the day I have caved on twice when I have been doing my best. It niggles the back of my mind. Must make some plans to keep busy!!
Its turned out a beautiful day
I know I should ring people it just seems one area i'm stuck. I dont feel comfortable ringing people out of the blue esp if I dont know them very well - I also dont enjoy talking on the telephone, its almost like a sort of phobia. Im ok with texting - and posting on here. I think that my post when I was struggling yesterday helped me a bit - just getting it out in some way eased it a little. Perhaps if I text someone (I have plenty of peoples numbers from AA meetings) when I am in trouble then if they ring me I might be ok to answer.
I kind of feel safe now ive got through the weekend - Im trying not to think ahead but next Saturday will be my day 13 - thats the day I have caved on twice when I have been doing my best. It niggles the back of my mind. Must make some plans to keep busy!!
Its turned out a beautiful day
Encourager In Training
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: KS
Posts: 717
May I say You May guys are a pretty awesome bunch.
Generally speaking, it seems we alcoholics are an introverted and/or anxious lot. It makes me wonder of the chicken and egg.
For most of us, business (busy-ness) is vital during the early days of recovery. From what I've experience/observed, the importance of the activities' specific natures grow with time. During the first several days most anything will do...cleaning house, taking walks, you name it. Over time, however, the importance shifts towards activities that constitute fundamental changes in the alcoholic's mental and physical lives.
Happy Mothers' Day to the mothers resident here on the May board!
Generally speaking, it seems we alcoholics are an introverted and/or anxious lot. It makes me wonder of the chicken and egg.
For most of us, business (busy-ness) is vital during the early days of recovery. From what I've experience/observed, the importance of the activities' specific natures grow with time. During the first several days most anything will do...cleaning house, taking walks, you name it. Over time, however, the importance shifts towards activities that constitute fundamental changes in the alcoholic's mental and physical lives.
Happy Mothers' Day to the mothers resident here on the May board!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: directly above the center of the earth
Posts: 71
Day 3 again...
Thanks for starting Pumpkin -
I've bounced on and off for about 6 months but am sticking my nose back up posting again (too embarrassed, most of the time).
What may be different this time?
1.Using SMART tools,
2.Posting on SR,
3.reading addiction books from the library,
4.Trying to balance feeling overwhelmed with guilt for unaccomplished tasks with self-care.
Good luck to all!
NT
I've bounced on and off for about 6 months but am sticking my nose back up posting again (too embarrassed, most of the time).
What may be different this time?
1.Using SMART tools,
2.Posting on SR,
3.reading addiction books from the library,
4.Trying to balance feeling overwhelmed with guilt for unaccomplished tasks with self-care.
Good luck to all!
NT
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: near London, UK
Posts: 582
Welcome NoTears,
No need to feel embarassed I think most people on here have been in the same boat! I have felt that way too though so understand it.
What are SMART tools - I think ive looked into it before but can't remember (does memory come back after a length of sobriety?).
I get waves of guilt - I try to tell myself I cant change the past but when im sober im human and guilt is natural esp when you are a mother and realise how much neglect your children have suffered from over the years
Do you go to AA or have any face to face support?
I wish you all the best and am glad you have joined our "class" - I thought I was a loner but I am definately enjoying and benefitting from the company in here.
PS xx
No need to feel embarassed I think most people on here have been in the same boat! I have felt that way too though so understand it.
What are SMART tools - I think ive looked into it before but can't remember (does memory come back after a length of sobriety?).
I get waves of guilt - I try to tell myself I cant change the past but when im sober im human and guilt is natural esp when you are a mother and realise how much neglect your children have suffered from over the years
Do you go to AA or have any face to face support?
I wish you all the best and am glad you have joined our "class" - I thought I was a loner but I am definately enjoying and benefitting from the company in here.
PS xx
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: directly above the center of the earth
Posts: 71
Smart
SMART RecoveryŽ - Tool Chest and Homework
I think D suggested urge-surfing earlier, which I have found in SMART as well.
urgh - thanks for the reality check re: guilt. I have no kiddos (still trying though), but from the standpoint of an aca (adult child of an alcoholic), wow, what a great role model for overcoming adversity you can be now!
I think D suggested urge-surfing earlier, which I have found in SMART as well.
urgh - thanks for the reality check re: guilt. I have no kiddos (still trying though), but from the standpoint of an aca (adult child of an alcoholic), wow, what a great role model for overcoming adversity you can be now!
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