my list
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 65
my list
I saw Newwings make a list like this, so I'm going to give it a shot, get my thoughts out on paper:
WHY I THINK I'M NOT AN ALCOHOLIC:
- Not a daily drinker
- Was able to limit myself to a few drinks on occasion
- Am only 24, too young to be an alcoholic
- Never got a DUI
- Never arrested due to drugs or alcohol
- It's normal for people my age to binge drink
WHY I KNOW I'M AN ALCOHOLIC:
- Could never quit for more than a few days
- Drove drunk frequently, and one time got pulled over but blew under the legal limit
- Binge drank almost every weekend, and if I didn't felt like I was missing out on something
- Was starting to drink alone at night, telling myself that this is what adults do
- Became mean and ugly towards girlfriends when drunk
- Cheated on two girlfriends while drunk (really ashamed of this one, and don't blame it all on alcohol, but just my inability to express myself healthily in the relationship)
- Drank to fit in with others
- Felt like I needed alcohol as a crutch in social situations, that I was not funny or interesting enough without it
- Lost a great job due to alcohol/drugs
- Still want to drink despite all of the above...
WHY I THINK I'M NOT AN ALCOHOLIC:
- Not a daily drinker
- Was able to limit myself to a few drinks on occasion
- Am only 24, too young to be an alcoholic
- Never got a DUI
- Never arrested due to drugs or alcohol
- It's normal for people my age to binge drink
WHY I KNOW I'M AN ALCOHOLIC:
- Could never quit for more than a few days
- Drove drunk frequently, and one time got pulled over but blew under the legal limit
- Binge drank almost every weekend, and if I didn't felt like I was missing out on something
- Was starting to drink alone at night, telling myself that this is what adults do
- Became mean and ugly towards girlfriends when drunk
- Cheated on two girlfriends while drunk (really ashamed of this one, and don't blame it all on alcohol, but just my inability to express myself healthily in the relationship)
- Drank to fit in with others
- Felt like I needed alcohol as a crutch in social situations, that I was not funny or interesting enough without it
- Lost a great job due to alcohol/drugs
- Still want to drink despite all of the above...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: California
Posts: 624
Wow..thanks for doing this, Comanche. It's pretty scary seeing it in words, isn't it?! How do you feel now you've done it?
I felt SOOOO relieved to have finally written it out. It was like all the wrestling that's been going on in my mind for the last few years all came out. Clear and concise. We can all write long paragraphs about what's happened to us, but I feel that can kind of dilute it - and stick in a few 'buts'. Man, that word SUCKS! I've been telling myself "BUT" for so long. It was literally like that word negated everything I wanted to achieve. Writing plain lists lays it all right out there. Thanks for doing yours.
I felt SOOOO relieved to have finally written it out. It was like all the wrestling that's been going on in my mind for the last few years all came out. Clear and concise. We can all write long paragraphs about what's happened to us, but I feel that can kind of dilute it - and stick in a few 'buts'. Man, that word SUCKS! I've been telling myself "BUT" for so long. It was literally like that word negated everything I wanted to achieve. Writing plain lists lays it all right out there. Thanks for doing yours.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 53
Very good idea guys. I wrote mine down, felt good. Personally though i never had trouble admitting i was an alcoholic, i always had trouble conviencing my friends. Now i dont mind if they believe me or not. Reading my list just confirms it to me!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Indiana
Posts: 706
Great list Comanche.
I use the short form whenever I get to thinking why I'm not an alcoholic:
Alcohol is...
-cunning
-baffling
-powerful
Then I'll remind myself that I'll never "undo" my alcoholism, and usually go to an AA meeting.
The BAD news is, I'm an alcoholic,
But the GOOD news is, I'm an alcoholic.
Zube
I use the short form whenever I get to thinking why I'm not an alcoholic:
Alcohol is...
-cunning
-baffling
-powerful
Then I'll remind myself that I'll never "undo" my alcoholism, and usually go to an AA meeting.
The BAD news is, I'm an alcoholic,
But the GOOD news is, I'm an alcoholic.
Zube
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 65
thanks guys... i guess right now I just feel a lot of shame for what I've done to my family and girls who cared about me. I always told myself in my mind that I was somehow right and could blame all of my actions on others, but right now I just feel like a real piece of ****. Part of me definitely wants to just try and fix all of the mistakes I've made in the past and somehow go back to drinking so that I can just lead a "normal life", but I can't change the past. I guess I should be thankful that I'm still relatively young and can hopefully learn from all of these mistakes and change my future behaviors.
I am in AA right now, so hopefully I can make amends in the future that will relieve some of this shame I feel
I am in AA right now, so hopefully I can make amends in the future that will relieve some of this shame I feel
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 53
you said"go back to drinking so that I can just lead a "normal life""
Why is that? I too think of a normal life involves drinking. Is that true? I mean does every normal life involve smoking? Is it healthy to have a drink or two every weekend?
Seriously im confused. I cant see what good drinking can do, although i too believe that a "normal life" invovles drinking..weird
Why is that? I too think of a normal life involves drinking. Is that true? I mean does every normal life involve smoking? Is it healthy to have a drink or two every weekend?
Seriously im confused. I cant see what good drinking can do, although i too believe that a "normal life" invovles drinking..weird
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 438
Originally Posted by comanche 
- Still want to drink despite all of the above...
it looks like you are here searching as so many of us are...best of luck to you, you have a lot of reasons on your list to go for it, to get to sober. your post has really helped me in my state of mind right now, thank you!!
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