LiveLikeGold6

Im not new to sobriety but im no stranger to going in circles. Some may be a bit familiar with my story. I made the move from CA to NYC and am so happyidid but now im just doing the same **** I used and I know if I dont make a change things will end up in the same rut as CA. Im a bartender now and I hung out drinking with my boss way too late but it was weird because I did end up revealing I have a drinking problem and his response was grow the **** up...if you care about her (pointed to me) **** everyone put yourself first and grow the **** up. Kinda hit me like a ton of bricks also when he said your not stupid..that cute smile aint foolin anyone..grow the **** up. I dont have good role models in my family to lookto for guidancr on growing the **** up as it pertains to me. But all I know is I want yo stop being sick and tired of being sick and tired. Someone wrote some stuff earlier about not having extra curricular activites as a kid and drinking, like her, was mine. Im going back to college after not finishing yet and im sure I cant have two careers. My drinking career is flourishing and im dying and im not happy about it. Somebody talk to me.

Dee74

Welcome back LLG

Take some action - I'd get plugged back into AA and I'd find another job - the one you have is dangerous for you.

You know what you need to do - what do you think is holding you back?

D

CarolD

Have you enrolled in summer school?
Have you started with a new AA group and Steps?

Going in circles means you are not moving forward

Welcome back

LiveLikeGold6

Was actually hoping to hear from u dee. Well now that my boss knows my issue he wont offer me a drink and technically I can only drink when he offers. Also its a fun well paying job that works around my school schedule so I hesitate to let that go.

Things that hold me back are undoughtedly my sister and my own embarrassment. She too made the move to ny and has an unadmitted drinking problem. I always have a guilt thing when saying no hang out with her...its not her its just 9 times out of 10 when we hang we drink. I also dont want to redo all of my amends. If im going to be sober I think to myself I want to spend my time doing things other than aa..but on the other note it worked for me for 9 months not too long ago. I dont know why its so hard to stop making excuses.

LiveLikeGold6

Hi carol. I am enrolled in summer school which is even more the reason im back. School starts june 6 and my brain is cloudy now I just know I cant do both. I havent given nyc aa a chance yet..but im betting I will very soon.

littlegirllost7

Well, about the extra curricular activities....I was a cheerleader all through middle and high school and I still found a way to become a full blown alcoholic. I am finding that for me, it is better not to dwell on why I am one, just to accept that I am. I agree that your job may be a bit dangerous for you right now. I know you may not be able to change jobs, but maybe change shifts. See if you could work during days and college in the evenings if that is an option. Maybe there wouldn't be the opportunity as much to sit around and drink when you know you have to go to class later. If not, maybe try another place that doesn't serve alcohol. Keep coming back here, it helps.

Dee74

I'm always around LLG lol.

It's good your problem is out at work now, but don't rely on yr boss to keep you sober - he also thinks all you have to do is grow the **** up.

I know the economy is tanked, I know you're going back to summer school, but I'd keep looking for jobs - I wouldn't recommend working in a bar to anyone with our problem, especially not if you're struggling.

And yeah - don't be like me - I had 20 years worth of excuses.

It's a lot of years to be doing the same things over and over with ever more disastrous consequences, ya know?

D

LiveLikeGold6

So far ive got 15 almost 16 years of excuses. I guess the way my boss said it just made it sound easy. Ill keep my eyes open with jobs though. Man im gonna cry all through meetings again ugh...lol

Critter

I can totally relate. If you see that you cant make it , then seriously change your job.
I tried telling my friends and co workers that i have a prooblem and noone believed me. I think that the acts of the other day finally made them believe. It really helps for your friends to know.

I told my boss-friend that im an alcoholic and he said no no, alcoholics are not like that etc etc. I have tried many times to convience him that alcoholism has stages, i may not crave for a morning drink, but i would get there if i dont do something about it. He to has an unadmitted drinking problem like your sister. We always drink when we hang out. Except when i quit.

So when they thought i disnt have a problem, they were always like "oh come on, one drink!" They even hoorayed one time that i "finally drank.."

After the other night i believe that he will finally see my problem...

So yes i beleive your boss knowing, will make it easier. But note, noone is responsible if you slip. Friends knowing only helps for them not to trigger yo, if you do eventually drink you cant blame them, unless they forced it down your throat while you were tied up.
Ive tried telling my coworkers to not let me drink, but i always did finding some lame excuse that i can handle it etc etc..

LiveLikeGold6

Yea...as much as it may guilt me ive got to avoid my sis for a lil bit. I went on an online shopping spree and bought three sober living books last night. Im not gonna lie may 1st sounds like a good sobriety date to me.

LiveLikeGold6

I'm back. Wow I sounded so sad lol. I needed to come back here because I'm goin back home to visit to for a month and my resolve got a little shaky. I do not want to come back all sulking like in my first post! uh uh! I'm going to hang out with all of my friends and keep them all safe by being the designated driver. No one can say ish about that!