Sad
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: near Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 377
Sad
My family doesn't want me to come home next weekend, from Homewood rehab, even though I am allowed to leave Homewood for the weekend, very sad.
I shall just stay here at Homewood, and work on new assignments that come up.
:-(
...and it's Mother's Day on Sunday....I'll just call my wife from Homewood.
again, :-(
Kelly out
I shall just stay here at Homewood, and work on new assignments that come up.
:-(
...and it's Mother's Day on Sunday....I'll just call my wife from Homewood.
again, :-(
Kelly out
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Kelly)))) - I know it took a while for MY family to work through the anger, distrust, hurt feelings that I imposed on them with my addiction. It just took time, putting that one foot in front of the other, doing the right thing every day.
I was 45 when I got into recovery, living back home thanks to the financial ruin I had put myself in (with dad and stepmom). Felt like a kid again...call if you're gonna be late, let us know where you are, are you paying your bills, you'd BETTER answer your phone (my first sign of going out...not responding). It wasn't fun, but I did it and realized it was a consequence of my actions.
Can't promise you that everything will work out, but I CAN promise you that as long as you work your recovery, YOU will be way better off, and there's always hope that your family will come around. Most families who know anything about addiction are told to watch for actions, not words, and that "rehab isn't a cure"...no small wonder they aren't quite sure of anything right now.
I also have loved ones who are A's and I've been on the other side. All I can tell you is I prepared for the worst, hoped for the best, and worked my recovery as if my life depended on it...still do, 4 years later. It's worth it.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I was 45 when I got into recovery, living back home thanks to the financial ruin I had put myself in (with dad and stepmom). Felt like a kid again...call if you're gonna be late, let us know where you are, are you paying your bills, you'd BETTER answer your phone (my first sign of going out...not responding). It wasn't fun, but I did it and realized it was a consequence of my actions.
Can't promise you that everything will work out, but I CAN promise you that as long as you work your recovery, YOU will be way better off, and there's always hope that your family will come around. Most families who know anything about addiction are told to watch for actions, not words, and that "rehab isn't a cure"...no small wonder they aren't quite sure of anything right now.
I also have loved ones who are A's and I've been on the other side. All I can tell you is I prepared for the worst, hoped for the best, and worked my recovery as if my life depended on it...still do, 4 years later. It's worth it.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
MIND OF DESTRUCTIVE TASTE
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 744
I'm sorry Kelly ((())), that had to be hard news to digest 
I would be hurt as well. At least you are working on YOU and your recovery - keep working hard on it. It often does take some time to regain that trust back, hopefully they will come around.
-Jess
I would be hurt as well. At least you are working on YOU and your recovery - keep working hard on it. It often does take some time to regain that trust back, hopefully they will come around. -Jess
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,369
I know it must be painful to hear Kelly, I'm sorry.
If your family is anything like mine, they've been through all the ups and downs you have, and are trying to get used to all of this as much as you are...and they don't have rehab to help them.
My experience was pretty similar to Impurrfects - it took my loved ones a while to mentally and emotionally work through the many years of my bad selfish behaviour and learn to trust and respect me again...in my case they did - I hope the same will happen for you too
D
If your family is anything like mine, they've been through all the ups and downs you have, and are trying to get used to all of this as much as you are...and they don't have rehab to help them.
My experience was pretty similar to Impurrfects - it took my loved ones a while to mentally and emotionally work through the many years of my bad selfish behaviour and learn to trust and respect me again...in my case they did - I hope the same will happen for you too
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,234
We were 7 or 8 yrs into our marriage when my husband
and parents pulled the intervention on me and had the
authorities to pick me up and take me to the hospital that
Aug. 10, 1990. Because my husband and I had yet another
argument the wee hours before because I had come in late
from club I tried to check out of life cause I didnt want to
argue anymore. My husband tried to haul me to the hospital
first to get my stomach pumped but I fought him with every
ounce of energy I had to not go. He finally let me go and he
walked out of the house. I didnt know where he was for an
hour, so that gave me enough time to throw up all i had in
my system. When he returned with his dad, they had already
called emergency for help and they inturn called the authorities
to come pick me up and take me to the psychiatric hospital.
So that first night i spent in the crazy ward before my next full
day sober I was instructed to head upstair to the unit called
Silkworth. I had no idea at that time what silkworth meant but
knew it was a place i needed to be for my drinking problem.
When I left my home that very day in Aug. my 2 kids were only
4 and 6 but were protected in not seeing the authorities take me
away. Which was a blessing.
While i was in treatment I missed seeing my son go to Kindergarten
on the bus for the first time. That was to be a mothers joy to see
her child go off for their first day of school and I would miss it.
Anyway....i was still so full of anger and resentment for what my
husband and his family did to me that I wasnt looking forward to
seeing him or his parents anytime soon.
When my 2 weeks came to an end they were suppose to release me
to go home but told me if i left I surely wouldnt stay sober so they
were making plans for me to go to an out of state halfway house for
6 weeks or so. I was already plucked away from my babies that I
pleaded that i would do anything even stay there in that rehab if I
could so i wouldnt be sent away. They agreed, thank God, and i
remained there till my 28 days was up along with them tacking on
a 6 week after care program which I also completed.
My husband and my siblings and parents came to family day where
we had to sit thru some theraphy. All i remember about that was the
councilor kept asking me how did i feel about this and that. "well how
did that make you feel?" It got to be aggrivating cause i didnt know
any other feelings at that time but sad, angry, pissed off, mad....
My husband did pick me up upon release and I thought id be glad to
see him but i wasnt. When i stepped outside all sorts of negative
feelings came rushing in.
From that day on I went to many many meetings and absorbed
all i could till feelings inside me began to soften some. However,
when raising 2 little ones thru teenagers till they went off to college
is trying. So meetings and recovery work and lots and lots of
praying, crying and holding on tight till our 25 yr. marriage ended.
I didnt just go to rehab and assume I would automatically be cured
because i didnt. It's an ongoing life of changes and learning to be
a better person than i use to be. I had to work on childhood issues that held me back from growing and maturing into a stronger more confident person.
Im very much freer today than I ever could possibly imagine, but
only because I did and still work and live my recovery program
everyday.
I dont know what will happen in ur situation. However this is your
time to help urself. If my family had work some sort of program
who knows if we may have stayed closer together. It didnt happen
so we are on of those familys that split due to lack of understanding
due to addiction. Sad to say.
and parents pulled the intervention on me and had the
authorities to pick me up and take me to the hospital that
Aug. 10, 1990. Because my husband and I had yet another
argument the wee hours before because I had come in late
from club I tried to check out of life cause I didnt want to
argue anymore. My husband tried to haul me to the hospital
first to get my stomach pumped but I fought him with every
ounce of energy I had to not go. He finally let me go and he
walked out of the house. I didnt know where he was for an
hour, so that gave me enough time to throw up all i had in
my system. When he returned with his dad, they had already
called emergency for help and they inturn called the authorities
to come pick me up and take me to the psychiatric hospital.
So that first night i spent in the crazy ward before my next full
day sober I was instructed to head upstair to the unit called
Silkworth. I had no idea at that time what silkworth meant but
knew it was a place i needed to be for my drinking problem.
When I left my home that very day in Aug. my 2 kids were only
4 and 6 but were protected in not seeing the authorities take me
away. Which was a blessing.
While i was in treatment I missed seeing my son go to Kindergarten
on the bus for the first time. That was to be a mothers joy to see
her child go off for their first day of school and I would miss it.
Anyway....i was still so full of anger and resentment for what my
husband and his family did to me that I wasnt looking forward to
seeing him or his parents anytime soon.
When my 2 weeks came to an end they were suppose to release me
to go home but told me if i left I surely wouldnt stay sober so they
were making plans for me to go to an out of state halfway house for
6 weeks or so. I was already plucked away from my babies that I
pleaded that i would do anything even stay there in that rehab if I
could so i wouldnt be sent away. They agreed, thank God, and i
remained there till my 28 days was up along with them tacking on
a 6 week after care program which I also completed.
My husband and my siblings and parents came to family day where
we had to sit thru some theraphy. All i remember about that was the
councilor kept asking me how did i feel about this and that. "well how
did that make you feel?" It got to be aggrivating cause i didnt know
any other feelings at that time but sad, angry, pissed off, mad....
My husband did pick me up upon release and I thought id be glad to
see him but i wasnt. When i stepped outside all sorts of negative
feelings came rushing in.
From that day on I went to many many meetings and absorbed
all i could till feelings inside me began to soften some. However,
when raising 2 little ones thru teenagers till they went off to college
is trying. So meetings and recovery work and lots and lots of
praying, crying and holding on tight till our 25 yr. marriage ended.
I didnt just go to rehab and assume I would automatically be cured
because i didnt. It's an ongoing life of changes and learning to be
a better person than i use to be. I had to work on childhood issues that held me back from growing and maturing into a stronger more confident person.
Im very much freer today than I ever could possibly imagine, but
only because I did and still work and live my recovery program
everyday.
I dont know what will happen in ur situation. However this is your
time to help urself. If my family had work some sort of program
who knows if we may have stayed closer together. It didnt happen
so we are on of those familys that split due to lack of understanding
due to addiction. Sad to say.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Sydney NSW
Posts: 343
Hi " Kelly" It will take time and yes it is hard, it took me 5 months to get my family back together (my partner, then my partner trusting me to look after the kids and not get drunk, then my partner's parents etc etc) Unfortunately it is a thing of time.. time and working on your recovery daily plus being grateful for all you do have today will make each day pass .......
Resting Easy
Join Date: May 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 99
Kelly, thank you for sharing this sad feeling. I hope the posts are helping. I am just facing again that I need help and can't manage on my own. We need each other to stay sober. So, even if your family isn't there for you. We are here for you and we do understand.
rode hard and put away wet
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 999
It's part of the deal for some of us, unfortunately. When I got out of rehab, I had to find a place to stay that was not my home. My husband didn't feel safe with me around him and the kids.
I hope you can feel sad without letting that feeling drive the bus for you.
Sounds like you are doing great in recovery! Keep it up! You are an inspiration for us all!
I hope you can feel sad without letting that feeling drive the bus for you.
Sounds like you are doing great in recovery! Keep it up! You are an inspiration for us all!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
I know it must be hard for you but having patience and giving them some room may help. I know its easy for me to say.
When I struggled through outpatient rehab I had no one to share any of my experiences with (except my parents who are 1300 miles away) I have no one here but my dogs. LOL Sometimes I'd like to have some support, a shoulder to cry on, someone to say it's going to be ok, your going to be ok. But I don't. I do have my daughter but I'm giving her space. She is learning through my actions that I'm serious and an 18 year old isn't very wise in the life experience department. So I'm not expecting much from her right now -except to finish senior year.
I know your wife must be alittle unnerved but at least you have her. Wishing you peace and strength in your reamining rehab.
When I struggled through outpatient rehab I had no one to share any of my experiences with (except my parents who are 1300 miles away) I have no one here but my dogs. LOL Sometimes I'd like to have some support, a shoulder to cry on, someone to say it's going to be ok, your going to be ok. But I don't. I do have my daughter but I'm giving her space. She is learning through my actions that I'm serious and an 18 year old isn't very wise in the life experience department. So I'm not expecting much from her right now -except to finish senior year.
I know your wife must be alittle unnerved but at least you have her. Wishing you peace and strength in your reamining rehab.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: The Sunny South
Posts: 1,666
I am sorry..but, everyone needs time..This I Must Earn.
In the scheme of things, it is just one day, one holiday that you are missing.
You have the opportunity to recovery, which, may just be saving your live.
Some people never get that opportunity, their disease takes their life instead.
Stay in today., and where you are, keep taking it one day at a time.
In the scheme of things, it is just one day, one holiday that you are missing.
You have the opportunity to recovery, which, may just be saving your live.
Some people never get that opportunity, their disease takes their life instead.
Stay in today., and where you are, keep taking it one day at a time.
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