Dealing With Overwhelming Loneliness.
 

How does one deal with so much loneliness?

This is a problem I had prior to my drinking and drug problems but I've moved a few times since then and am stuck here. I have no friends or anyone to talk to nearby. My best friend barely talks to me anymore after everything I've put her through. I go to AA meetings but there's still so much alone time. Not just merely alone, lonely. Isolated.

I'm tired of being stuck in my own thoughts. No matter whether they're good, bad, or completely random I have no one to share any of them with. Even something simple, like talking about a book I'm reading and really enjoy. Things I used to take for granted. I don't want to drink because that's how I got here in the first place, but at least I don't care if I'm lonely when I drink.

I hear you Howdy. The loneliness has been a major problem for me too.

How about hobbies? Sports, book clubs, courses (dancing, cooking, karate, whatever you like).

I applied for a university again and the prospect of meeting new people actually played a big part!

I'm actually going back to school in August, it's just a matter of figuring it out until then. I'm so excited to meet new people, finally. It's been just me for entirely too long.

When you go to AA meetings, do you get phone numbers. The beauty of the fellowship is that you can meet and talk to others... Not just in meetings, but other times as well. I have been hunting, fishing, cycling, skiing and attending music events with other recovered alkies... I just got to meetings a little early, stayed after a little while, got to talkin' with others, and when I discovered we had a mutual interest, I just said, almost in passing, gee, maybe we should go fishing/skiing/whatever... And they were like heck yes! When do you want to go??!!!

Yea, I had to put it out there... But you'd be surprised ...

What do you like to do? I bet there is someone else in the rooms that shares that same interest... But you won't know if you don't ask... Get to know them...

BTW... This is a "we" program ... We help each other by doing it together.

:)

Hi Howdy

I think doing things like Artoro is a great idea - especially things where you meet people.

Can you invite some AA folks out for coffee or something?
Volunteering helped me too in the early days - like Anna suggests below.

Things like that are the way social networks get started :)

I was always very lonely too, but recovery seems to have bought me the gift of being comfortable in my own company - I actually treasure my alone time now - I hope the same will be true for you too :)

D

In my very early recovery, we moved to a place where English was not spoken and I had no job. The universe prevailed and I found a volunteer job that changed my life and saved me. I met some amazing people, I was inspired, I was appreciated and I loved every minute of it. Get out in your community and look around and see what you can do.

Lots of good advice here. Stick out your hand and say howdy Howdy. It goes against the way I lived for a long long time, but I was amazed at the response I got. Most alcoholics are terrified of meeting people just like I am. AA is one of the few places I have been where admitting that is an OK thing.

It is hard to be alone -alone in your own head -all the time. I have been sitting here in the house all day (due to sinus infection) drinking tea and puttering around. I'm ok with that because I am not lonely -just alone. When I am lonely I go shopping! LOL
But seriously, when my youngest started pre-school (15 years now?) I volunteered tutor at the elementary school where my other two were. Nothing major. Just listening to kids read or helping with homework that wasn't finished. But I got to associate with adults -parents and teachers and volunteered at all the 'fun stuff'.
Do you have a community center in your town? How about volunteer for kids' sports. They are always looking for people to help coach, etc. What about a local animal shelter? They often need people to help at 'adoption days'.
Hospitals sometimes look for people to volunteer.
The 4H program also need adults to help with their kids. I volunteer in the summer to judge chickens/rabbits/cats in two counties. Its out there...

I like the idea of going to meetings early or volunteering there and sparking up conversations with people.

I usually do after meetings but I feel sort of awkward asking someone if they want to meet up some time, just because I always feel like I'm bothering people.

I can relate to "not bothering people" (like who would want to be with ME?).... and it's really not that way at all. Everyone needs friends and gets lonely. Everyone feels good when someone else takes the time to be with them or talk to them.

Just tell a bunch of people at meetings (or even bring it up in the meeting itself) that you'd like to do some things with other sober people and would be open to any suggestions or activities...... I'll bet you'll get some responses and then you can pick what you'd like to do the most.

Hang in there - it does take time to build a new life and make new friends, etc..... and it always helps to learn how to be happy with our own company, too.:c031:

I feel the same way sometimes... but i have met alot of people in aa so far. get numbers from people at meetings. and make yourself call them even when you dont want to. they will want to talk to you and help you get out of your own head.