Day 39
 

Almost drank this morning, just sick of facing up to the fact that I have a drinking problem, although intellectually I realize that my drinking was often to excess and put me in danger (especially due to drunk driving, which I was doing more and more of at the end of my drinking). I went to a networking event last night and felt so out of place without a beer in my hand, just so envious of all the other young people around me (I'm 24) relaxing with a drink, and me thinking what the hell is wrong with me, why can't I just be normal. This is not easy right now.

39 is awesome and hang in there. You have accomplished a lot already! I can't wait to say 39, proud of you and keep it up. You are normal in your own way. All of us are normal in our own way. Those people around you last night some may not have a problem like we do but may have some other problem. No one is perfect, know that when in a crowd and wondering why you can't be like them. I'm 9 days and had so many thoughts already of what ifs?, why nots?, how come? I just have to accept it, smile and know that I'm doing the right thing. Obviously harder said than done but wanted to comment. Blessings

24...pardon the frankness but gawddam...if you could only see the richness and promise of your sober future. You have an incredible life ahead of you, Kiddo. Please continue to value and protect your sobriety like the treasure it is.

whats your support network like Comanche?

D

Comanche, I applaude you for the choice you made to remain sober. And it really doesn't matter if you're 24 or 42 -it's still a struggle to be in a social setting and just wish to be normal. But we're not and the sooner I accept that I can't do what other people do the easier it is to have fun in my own way.
Congratulations on that choice!

Thanks to all for your support.

I am feeling much better right now, just cleaned up my house a bit. Sometimes the pure pleasure of being sober just hits me and it feels so good, and the thought of going back to pouring alcohol down my throat seems so ridiculous. But my mind can change real fast, and I know that tomorrow there will be more cravings and I'll just have to deal with that then. Tonight though, happy to be sober :)

Dee, I've been going to AA meetings since September, and I have a sponsor who is great and very supportive. I also have made a few other friends in the Fellowship who I trust and call. I definitely have issues trusting people though, so it is not very easy for me to open up to people, especially because I still feel a degree of shame at having a drinking problem, but I am starting to get over that, and just realize that I have a disease and I need to manage it.