LaFemme

Fear was one of my big excuses to drink. And if there wasn't anything to fear (I mean come on, it's not like I live in a war zone or anything) I found a way to be afraid of every day things.

Today I got a message to please call my bank. As I've posted before, I am in a bad situation financially and trying to repair things. So the first thing I think when I get a call from the bank is that I'm overextended again or something catastrophic.

I spent about an hour putting off the phone call doing other stuff and imaging the worst. Finally, reminding myself that the unknown is often far scarier than the truth I called.

Turns out I left my debit card there the other day. LOL.

10 months ago, this would have been the excuse to drink, today I can laugh about it.

I am learning that much of what I fear is in my head and that the best way to deal with it is to face it head on, miraculously it tends to diminish it.

I posted this because I see many people dealing with fear and hoped this would give others hope.

And as always, I believe the absolute best way to deal with fear is with gratitude.

Wishing everyone a happy and healthy Wednesday.

Tina

opmloser

You sound just like me; I have been very fearful of facing things for the past several months and it's killing me. The simple act of going to a store is like a project. I can't understand how I now have all this anxiety in me when I didn't before.
It is such a frustrating thing, this fear. It's like its own disease in itself to me.
My life is in ruins in every possible way and I can't fix it at the moment (I added the "at the moment" b/c I honestly don't know when I will be able to stand on my feet again).
Good to hear it was only having left your DB card and much better to have left it in the bank!!
Hope your Wednesday is terrific, and all the days to come.

kiki5711

Yea, I can send myself into a frantic "what if" momento till it hurts.

Thanks for posting this and reminding me that it CAN be managable.

24hrsAday

yeah, fear has always been a Big trigger for me too. it can literally paralyze you into doing nothing.. or even worse cause us to use drugs/alcohol! i would be lying if i said it's not still a problem from time to time. good post Tina thanks!

Ranger

I'm going through a recovery program through my church. At the end of the first session a few participants were eager to cut to the chase and began asking questions about the program's "bottom line". I'll never forget one of the teachers, a former crack addict, looking us all in the eyes and saying "the bottom line, guys, is this whole thing boils down to fear".

LaFemme

Its funny...the concept of "ODAAT" never clicked for me regarding alcohol but addressing "fear" one thing at a time works wonders. Break it down into it's smallest components and address the easiest first....I am finding it helps build up my confidence towards the big things.

jimmydean

I totally know the feeling! I am working through a tough financial situation right now and pretty much panic when ever the phone rings. I get nervous when the mail comes. The reality is that fear is a wasted emotion, most of the time the emotion is 10x worse. The expression "False Evidence Appearing Real" applies to me.

As a somewhat scattered person i have decided to deal with the heavy issues one day a week. This allows me to schedule my freak out time. When i get calls, i ask for them to call back at that time. This allows for the rest of my time to be focused and productive. I used to be running scared, this is my way of managing it. It has also kept me from running to the bar at noon so i could forget about the morning.

Reset

My boss once told me "Fear is the mind killer." It can paralyze you.

Since I quit drinking though I am a lot less fearful. Never expected that to happen.

Belier

I needed to read this - thank you!

LaFemme

Isn't that quote from "Dune"?

Jimmy Dean...I. started a thread in the alcoholism section asking for thoughts and prayers because I thought I was going to have to declare bankruptcy. I got some tremendous advice on financial stuff there.

I can't link from my phone but will try to link it tomorrow.

Kjell

Hi LaFemme-

...and most of the time it's self centered fear.

For me, fear ususally comes to me wearing a hat and a fake musache, disguised as anger, or jealousy, or resentfulness, but it always, almost every-single-time breaks down as self centered fear.

It's getting better though.

Kjell~

Reset

Yeah. He's a big science fiction nerd.

SwanSong

Fear was at the door knocking..

Faith answered the door

...and there was nobody there

Anna

I lived my whole life in fear. Fear helped me survive my childhood, sort of. I think that fear served a purpose, to some extent, though it turned into chronic anxiety. But, when I began recovery, I had to accept the fact that I had made every decision in my life, big and small, based on fear. That was really hard to deal with. So, at my bottom, I decided to step into the light, not knowing what I would find there. It's been an interesting journey.

Zube

LaFemme-

Great post. Fear fueled my alcoholism for years.

F.E.A.R. = F*ck Everything And Run!!!

Fear of creditors were the worst. I could sense a creditor call from the way the phone rang, and know a collection bill from the way it felt. Needless to say, in an effort to make amends to my past creditors it turns out that past bills don't just go away. HUH. They get bought and sold from one collection agency to another. I've got some bills that I would really like to pay off, unfortunately I don't know who owns them.

I'm sure I'll find them. Eventually. One Fear at a time.

Zube

Stride34

It's evolution gone awry, humans are hard-wired this way. Some worse than others, but we all are. Those that lived hundreds of thousands of years ago had some survival advantage if they were fearful or anxious. Those that didn't eventually died off. Naturally we inherited this trait, but unfortunately in today's society, 99.99% of these anxieties and fears are irrational thought patterns and serve no purpose, and only keep us from being our true, natural selves. They protect a false ego. The good news is this can absolutely be overcome simply by quieting the mind, and not identifying with your thoughts, but just allowing them to be.

SASA

yeap fear is a good trigger. If I get an email or somebody stops me and says I have to meet with you, we should talk, I alsways assume it is soemthing bad. If somebody evaluates myperformance I am scared it will be bad. If I come homw and see a letter I assume it is bad news. I just always assume the worst. Just latly I started to try to tackle these situations just by counting how many of these are positive events vs negative events and realized I do not be afraid of these situations...... It is funny since I am sober I actually started to believe a little bit in myself and that I can do things correct and right and I am no longer afraid that everything I do is wrong. Before when I was drinking I always assumed even I did my best it was never good enough and often wrong..... So long booze, I hope I will not have to see you ever again in my life

Kahlia

LaFemme-I used to project about everything....it does no good. I know what you mean about fear. I have always thought that fear was a direct result of another emotion......either depression or hurt. With me it was both. I am glad you are having a good Wednesday and glad you found your debit card! I've lost 3 of those....!!!!!!!

Blessings,
Kahlia

Dee74

The fear of 'what ifs' used to get me too.

Nowadays I invariably find (so far anyway) that nothing is ever quite as bad as I imagined it might be

D

Lipitor

I agree totally ,,,,

Winston Churchill said "It is not "things" that disturb men, it is their "idea" about things"

hence , fear.

You know , I had my whole life planned out in my head when I was drinking . A bit like Bridget Jones, dying alone being eaten my dogs.

It could not be further from the truth .

I used to fear that I would end up living in a bus shelter somewhere, be homeless, and destitute.

Those thoughts were so real that I drank to obliterate them .

Ironically , drinking eventually would have lead to something probably like the thing I was trying to run away from .


Great Thread La Femme.


Happy wednesday

L