refrigerator

Well, over 3 months sober and I really don't hear from any of my friends anymore. I'm assuming this is somewhat normal, since everyone in college drinks (and drinks a lot) and I'm the one changing my life.

Just feel really lonely and like my friends don't even care about me anymore...

least

If they only cared about you as someone to drink with, I'd say they aren't true friends. Keep on changing your life. You're doing well for yourself by living sober even if it doesn't feel that way right now.

Lipitor

Yes to that one.....If they are not there , and things are not the same because you are not drinking, then they are not true friends .

L

Anna

Yes, I agree with Least! I'm sorry that your friends have let you down, and I know it hurts.

Hopefully you can find some new activities and gradually make new friends.

Supercrew

When I first had to get sober for the courts about 10 years ago I felt that my friends weren't calling anymore. Then I realized that I never used to wait for them to contact me when I was drinking, I would ccall them or just stop by. Then I realized that they knew that I wasn't drinking and many of them told me that they weren't contacting me because they didn't want me to feel uncomfortable around them drinking.

I hung out with them a couple of times, and I felt that they started to black ball me after that. I thought it was because I wasn't drinking, I later found out it was because I was bitter because I couldn't drink, and I got preachy and judgemental about their drinking. I remember going home one night after hanging out with them and telling my wife, "those guys don't want to be around a nondrinker", when in reality those guys didn't want to be around a guy who was bitter and telling them they were a bunch of alcoholics.

I have matured since then, and even though I still hang out with drinkers on occassion, no one cares whether I drink or not as long as I am not judging their drinking while Im with them which I don't..at least outloud anymore.

The thought that you are not accepted because you don't drink is all in your head. My wife has never been a drinker, not a drop in 21 years, and she goes everywhere with her friends who are all drinkers, (just got back from Vegas), and no one cares and she has never noticed anyone uncomfortable about her not drinking,(she quit drinking when she was 19 even though she didn't have a problem, she just didn't like it, and normally had to babysit me. It's all in your head.

stanleyhouse

One of the best things about recovery is choosing to have only the "healthy for you individuals" in your life. If they aren't calling you don't have to have an uncomfortable conversation. You will find that sober people are the most fun, interesting individuals to be around. Just get out and find them in real life.
SH

reggiewayne

I think when we get sober we realize what "going out" really means. When I was younger and made plans with my buddies it was always "Do you want to go out on Saturday"? What that really meant was "Do you want to get drunk with me". I now see what the real purpose of "going out" really was. Sure, we'd be out watching a game but the truth is, the event always was centered around alcohol.

In recovery I feel we must find people like us to hang out with. I've found a great group of guys in AA. Not sure if you've tried it yet, but there are "young people's meetings" My guess is you can find a ton of people your age that want to enjoy life but also don't drink.

My social calendar is pretty full now. Between playing poker, playing golf, going out to dinner, or just simply going to meetings with other people - I feel like I have waaaaaaay more friends today than I ever did while drinking.

If it can happen to me at 35 with a wife and two kids, it surely can happen for you!

Best of luck to you!!!

Mark75

Thanx for sharing that... it was an important part of my journey... thankfully a relatively short part, for a lot of reasons... no one wants to be around people who are angry and bitter all the time.

To the OP...

When I was in college I was in shock that there were a lot of other students who didn't even drink, much less as much as I did... like WTF... You are in transition.. it's hard but when the skies clear, you will see that you really don't need alcohol and other things to have a good time... Hang in there!

rizlaman

totally right they were only hangers on,not true friends if they were you would still hear from them,you will meet new friends that like you for who you are not because you get a round in.your health and wellbeing is more important than them.stay strong mate it will get better.i had a long lonely point but things are on the up now and i dont feel i have to get of my head to be one of the boys

ACT10Npack

refrigerator it seem like most of your friends were drinking buddies. It's a normal thing to happen when you lose a lot of friends of because of it. Does not mean they are bad friends or anything. It comes down to why you hang out with them in the first place. If most or all the time you hang with them avoid alcohol then that should tell you something. Why don't you try meetup.com and find a group of people you like to hang out. There are a lot of activities that people group up with that does not happen around alcohol.