I drank again
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 232
I drank again
I hate admitting this but I am back on the merry-go-round of wondering: Do I really have a problem? Maybe I can drink in moderation?
I have given in to a few glasses of wine in the last few days. The sun was shining and friends called round with a bottle of wine. It was hard to say No. I suppose this all boils down to the fact that I really haven't accepted Step 1 completely.
So here I am, back to the beginning, feeling weak, and hoping I still can make it.
I have given in to a few glasses of wine in the last few days. The sun was shining and friends called round with a bottle of wine. It was hard to say No. I suppose this all boils down to the fact that I really haven't accepted Step 1 completely.
So here I am, back to the beginning, feeling weak, and hoping I still can make it.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: somewhere, tx
Posts: 128
Hi-
Hello there-
You said you drank again and PP asked if you overdid it or stuck to a few glasses, but I have a question: How long have you abstained before you decided that the sun, fun, friends were justification for wine as well?
I know that peer pressure is tough, afterall, how can you stick to cola when everyone around you is getting a buzz on? Trust me, when you hit the point where your drinking causes such remorse that you loathe for it, then the cola will taste great!
Through my abstinence, I was actually a bartender and I never drank. I think the thing that kept me sober was looking around at everyone knowing how they'd wake up the next morning, knowing that I wouldn't be in their shape.
Don't beat yourself up because of a slip --- everybody does it.
You said you drank again and PP asked if you overdid it or stuck to a few glasses, but I have a question: How long have you abstained before you decided that the sun, fun, friends were justification for wine as well?
I know that peer pressure is tough, afterall, how can you stick to cola when everyone around you is getting a buzz on? Trust me, when you hit the point where your drinking causes such remorse that you loathe for it, then the cola will taste great!
Through my abstinence, I was actually a bartender and I never drank. I think the thing that kept me sober was looking around at everyone knowing how they'd wake up the next morning, knowing that I wouldn't be in their shape.
Don't beat yourself up because of a slip --- everybody does it.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 232
I didn't overdo it but I do think alot about my drinking and struggle with wondereing whether or not I have a problem. Basically I believe that even asking that question implies that the answer has to be:'Yes I do!'
I'm slow to open up to others about my drinking so this keeps it all very secretive and adds to the hold which alcohol has over me.
I'm going to keep reading and posting here so that I can negotiate the many twists and turns in my road towards recovery. I think denial and wanting to fit in has taken over in the last few days....
I'm slow to open up to others about my drinking so this keeps it all very secretive and adds to the hold which alcohol has over me.
I'm going to keep reading and posting here so that I can negotiate the many twists and turns in my road towards recovery. I think denial and wanting to fit in has taken over in the last few days....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 232
Originally Posted by opmloser 
Hello there-
You said you drank again and PP asked if you overdid it or stuck to a few glasses, but I have a question: How long have you abstained before you decided that the sun, fun, friends were justification for wine as well?
Don't beat yourself up because of a slip --- everybody does it.
You said you drank again and PP asked if you overdid it or stuck to a few glasses, but I have a question: How long have you abstained before you decided that the sun, fun, friends were justification for wine as well?
Don't beat yourself up because of a slip --- everybody does it.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: somewhere, tx
Posts: 128
There You Go!
You just said it, Girl-if you have to ask yourself if you've got a problem, then you probably do! Okay, so big deal, you and millions of others including me, have a problem w/ demon rum (wine, sorry!).
You hit 12 days of sobriety which tells me that you don't want it in your life any longer - normal (non-alcoholic/non abusers) drinkers drink sociably without any guilt. So if you've got guilt, eh, then stick to that cola I mentioned (root beer, 7up). Before you know it, you'll hit 12 months and you'll never look back!
You hit 12 days of sobriety which tells me that you don't want it in your life any longer - normal (non-alcoholic/non abusers) drinkers drink sociably without any guilt. So if you've got guilt, eh, then stick to that cola I mentioned (root beer, 7up). Before you know it, you'll hit 12 months and you'll never look back!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Portland
Posts: 1,631
I had a relapse recently. But I did overdo it. Maybe that makes it easier for me than it is for you. I recently had only four beers--but that was amazing. My normal drinking night will include no fewer than eight drinks, four of them on the order of pure alcohol.
Was your wine tasting an anomaly? If it was count yourself lucky and don't get started. That's my sad, sad decision. Because I cannot stop, I cannot start.
Was your wine tasting an anomaly? If it was count yourself lucky and don't get started. That's my sad, sad decision. Because I cannot stop, I cannot start.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
Most of us wonder whether we 'overreacted'...perhaps if we do x or y we can drink again...
I think the fact we all have very good sensible reasons to quit - some of us with years of reasons....and we go so far as signing up to a website like this...
and then we drink again...that, to me, indicates a problem.
If we can't easily let go of something we've proven time and again is bad for us and cut it completely from our lives, what does that say?
I'm glad you're back with us Marria
D
I think the fact we all have very good sensible reasons to quit - some of us with years of reasons....and we go so far as signing up to a website like this...
and then we drink again...that, to me, indicates a problem.
If we can't easily let go of something we've proven time and again is bad for us and cut it completely from our lives, what does that say?
I'm glad you're back with us Marria
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: somewhere, tx
Posts: 128
My Drink of Choice
When I drank, if it had alcohol in it, I drank it. Wine/liquor/beer, made no difference to me.
In my last relapse, I stuck to wine though. And still ended up with losing a job, a DWI, and being in a hospital for 3 weeks. Alcohol is alcohol, no matter what kinda bottle you drink it from.
In my last relapse, I stuck to wine though. And still ended up with losing a job, a DWI, and being in a hospital for 3 weeks. Alcohol is alcohol, no matter what kinda bottle you drink it from.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,237
You certainly can do this if you have theWillingness, Open-mindedness and Honesty to
go to any lengths to sober or clean.
I have and still do 20 yrs. years later with my
recovery program.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
trying to moderate drinking is mentally exhausting....Like that old American commercial for Sunsweet Prunes....are 3 enough? are 6 too many?....I would become obsessive and not enjoy the drink because I was worrying about not being able to stop...and if i did stop at 3-4, i would think it was perfectly OK to drink again the following day....and if I was OK with 3-4, why not 5-6-7????
it's a crazy game and it's filled with weird justification, guilt, self-anger, stupidity and there is never enough wine in the world...
much less stressful to just NOT drink and be less stressed, more clear-minded and certainly happier with my decision.
I guess moderating just took all the *fun* out of it for me???
it's a crazy game and it's filled with weird justification, guilt, self-anger, stupidity and there is never enough wine in the world...
much less stressful to just NOT drink and be less stressed, more clear-minded and certainly happier with my decision.
I guess moderating just took all the *fun* out of it for me???
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 232
Originally Posted by Fandy
trying to moderate drinking is mentally exhausting..I would become obsessive and not enjoy the drink because I was worrying about not being able to stop...
it's a crazy game and it's filled with weird justification, guilt, self-anger, stupidity and there is never enough wine in the world...
much less stressful to just NOT drink and be less stressed, more clear-minded and certainly happier
it's a crazy game and it's filled with weird justification, guilt, self-anger, stupidity and there is never enough wine in the world...
much less stressful to just NOT drink and be less stressed, more clear-minded and certainly happier
I know that the energy I spend thinking about alcohol could be used so much more productively.
Ok so here I am, I don't want to drink anymore. And I want to believe that somehow I won't. Thanks to all on SR for your kind advice and support, despite my slip.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,492
Marria, it IS hard to say 'No', and we do understand how hard it is.
And, denial is a huge part of addiction. When I look back at my drinking days, I can't believe the way my mind worked.
I hope that you decide to live a sober life.
And, denial is a huge part of addiction. When I look back at my drinking days, I can't believe the way my mind worked.
I hope that you decide to live a sober life.
New to Real Life
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: I come in Peaces
Posts: 2,071
It's such an alcoholic thing to think the whole day (a sunny day! A winter storm! A Sunday! 
) revolves around alcohol 
In recovery I have found that other people drinking is their background music. It's only central to those of us with problems, IMO.
What I mean is... by not drinking you're really not that different. No more different than if you were wearing a skirt and the rest of them were in jeans. It's just not even remotely as important as you think it is. Again, IME.
) revolves around alcohol In recovery I have found that other people drinking is their background music. It's only central to those of us with problems, IMO.What I mean is... by not drinking you're really not that different. No more different than if you were wearing a skirt and the rest of them were in jeans. It's just not even remotely as important as you think it is. Again, IME.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,641
Everybody is out drinking in the sun!!!!
We just spoke about this in my meeting tonight.
One guy was saying he hated this time of year, as everyone is out enjoying themselves having a drink, and he can't.
We ended up laughing because we eliminated most of the year as times when "everyone" was out.....
We THINK "everyone" is, but of course they are not.
Lot's of people are out playing sports or working on their tans on the beach or reading a book with an ice tea.
Because we are obsessed about alcohol, we think it is everywhere.
It is like you hear a song/phrase/name and suddenly it seems to be everywhere.
My friends came over the other night and they had wine with them, but chose tea instead. We played scrabble until 3 in the morning, and made a ruckus!
My friends take no notice of me not drinking. Most people now are respectful of people's issues with smoking, drinking, diet etc and don't make a fuss.
The secret thing is the disease talking. Like any abuser, silence is it's ally.
Good luck, and you don't have to worry about us. We will be here and we understand.:ghug3
One guy was saying he hated this time of year, as everyone is out enjoying themselves having a drink, and he can't.
We ended up laughing because we eliminated most of the year as times when "everyone" was out.....
We THINK "everyone" is, but of course they are not.
Lot's of people are out playing sports or working on their tans on the beach or reading a book with an ice tea.
Because we are obsessed about alcohol, we think it is everywhere.
It is like you hear a song/phrase/name and suddenly it seems to be everywhere.
My friends came over the other night and they had wine with them, but chose tea instead. We played scrabble until 3 in the morning, and made a ruckus!
My friends take no notice of me not drinking. Most people now are respectful of people's issues with smoking, drinking, diet etc and don't make a fuss.
The secret thing is the disease talking. Like any abuser, silence is it's ally.
Good luck, and you don't have to worry about us. We will be here and we understand.:ghug3
Wombling Free
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Thailand
Posts: 60
You are not alone Marria,
I had a slip after only 3 days yesterday. Did not intend to, went to hospital coz I have a perforated ear drum and when I got there I became violently ill. They dosed me with pethadine for the pain, and when I got home and it wore off I still needed a buzz, so I drank 3 beers and two V&T's with no thought to my sobriety. I regret it so much , I am off to have an operation on my ear in 10 mins ...I don't know what the day will hold after that (sigh), will I drink today? I don't know, I hope not , but I don't know how painful or not this op is gonna be.
All I know is that if I want to really stop I cannot do it alone
I had a slip after only 3 days yesterday. Did not intend to, went to hospital coz I have a perforated ear drum and when I got there I became violently ill. They dosed me with pethadine for the pain, and when I got home and it wore off I still needed a buzz, so I drank 3 beers and two V&T's with no thought to my sobriety. I regret it so much , I am off to have an operation on my ear in 10 mins ...I don't know what the day will hold after that (sigh), will I drink today? I don't know, I hope not , but I don't know how painful or not this op is gonna be.
All I know is that if I want to really stop I cannot do it alone
Wombling Free
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Thailand
Posts: 60
Op went OK thanks, managed to see my shrink while I was there and told him about my relapse. he has put me on a bunch of drugs that should help me through the first few weeks, if not its back to the detox unit
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