TheLadyb

Back to day one for me and really scared, disgusted and confused.
Almost made it the entire day but during dinner had some wine and then it was off to the races.
It is getting very scary for me now when I drink as I don't know when or where it will end.
I keep promising myself I won't drink and then I do anyway.
I sooooooooo want to stop. I would do or give anything right now,
Rehabis not possible for me.

I have so much in my life and if you look at me you would say I have it all

But I also have a horrible disease that is killing me

Well off to get ready for an afternoon aa meeting

I can't give up on myself

BurningChrome

Hello LadyB, Yes, it IS scary! And you are Not alone here, many/most of us here feel the Same feelings you feel. Like you, I have a great life, just this ONE little issue that keeps me from true life fullfillment. When people like us drink, once that first one is down the hatch, all bets are off :-( The first drink is all it takes to impair our judgement enough that we are almost gauranteed to take rash and foolish actions... Hang in there and try to recall all the _Bad_ times before taking that first drink and realizing that None of those bad times would have happened in the past if you just used your better judgement when sober and skipped that _first_ drink!!
Best of luck!
..Mike

theatredork

You can do it. Keep coming back (here and AA).

Zube

Lady B

Glad to hear you are getting to a meeting. Not sure how long you've been in recovery. Might be a good time for a 90/90?

Robert Downey Jr., alcoholic/addict of epic proportions, now in recovery once said..."I thought about having a glass of wine at Thanksgiving, but then I remembered that I had already made plans for Christmas." or something like that...

One day at a time, Lady B.
Zube

Anna

Know that you can do this!

My advice is to get rid of alcohol in your house, and stay away from places where alcohol is being served until you feel confident. Change your daily routines and patterns so that you shake things up. Never give up!

Missy7

Hang in there. Day two is coming!

artsoul

Welcome back, ladyb...... I always had hopes I would be stronger the next time and stop after 3 or 4 but it just never satisfied me, especially if there was any alcohol in the house at all.

I was terrified to even try to quit, but I'm glad to have my sanity back...... Remember: one day at a time.

michelle01

I have thought about you Ladyb. Do you currently have a sponsor, and have you tried the steps? How did it go for you? If there are issues that are still unresolved, maybe it is worth thinking about seeing an appropriate counselor. I have always put on a strong outer front, in the end however I had to accept that there were things I could not deal with on my own. Seeking some help outside of AA does not mean that you have to give up on AA or that it is not working for you.

When things in your life externally are good, it's all too easy to get complacent once we have been sober for a time. It seems like it doesn't matter if we 'have a few'. However, in the end I had to get sober for myself, not to please the people around me and keep them happy. When I went into recovery, I had little to no self value, but I knew I didn't want this to be the end for me - not in this manner.

Even though it may look like we have everything in life that we can ask for, plenty of people can be hiding or masking inner issues. Look at all the celebrities who have 'everything' who end up checking themselves into rehab.

I have help I can call 24/7 for when the going gets tough. That was crucial for me in the early days, still is sometimes.

All the best and please keep in touch as you get back on your feet - you're not alone in this struggle.