Reason I don't want to drink again...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 77
Reason I don't want to drink again...
This is sort of in relation to something I said in the other thread I just posted about how my therapist said that after a certain point in time, you would look back at your non sober days and think it wasn't that big of a deal.
Well, to remind myself why I don't want to go back to that...I decided to type it out and share with others....
The withdrawal
-Hypertension, ANXIETY!!!, numbness, tremors, throwing up, general feeling of death looming, etc
The cost
-Don't even want to think about the amount of money I spent, and how much I have cost my family. I bet I easily spent the same amount on booze as I did on tuition each semester
The embarrassment
-Doing stupid things while blacked out, like pissing people off, being annoying, trying to make out with girls
-Always being labeled the "drunk" and the butt end of all drinking jokes
-Having to apologize for the above
The feeling
-Feeling like absolute crap all the time is no way to live.
Anxiety
-To elaborate on above, I've had some of the worst moments of my life due to withdrawal anxiety. I've absolutely lost my mind in airports before, freaked out in church, been to the hospital TWICE for anxiety attacks, and I was always so anxious/hungover I could never get out of bed to go to class.
Physically
-Waking up with bumps and bruises, one time a huge knot on my eye where i hit the pavement. Had to lie to my parents who I saw that weekend that I was diving for a frisbee
-Another time I rolled backwards down some stairs. That hurt for a while.
-I'm lucky I never hit my head and died. One time some guy was found lying dead in the snow, and originally it was thought that he was jumped...but later they found out that he just fell and likely hit his head. This EASILY could have been me, and I almost cry every time I think about this.
-Throwing up all the time. At bars, outside bars, at home.
I don't want to feel that way ever again. DO NOT WANT TO!!!
Anyway, just needed to type that out as a reference for myself which I will be adding to as the time to go back to school gets nearer. Please feel free to share your thoughts!
Well, to remind myself why I don't want to go back to that...I decided to type it out and share with others....
The withdrawal
-Hypertension, ANXIETY!!!, numbness, tremors, throwing up, general feeling of death looming, etc
The cost
-Don't even want to think about the amount of money I spent, and how much I have cost my family. I bet I easily spent the same amount on booze as I did on tuition each semester
The embarrassment
-Doing stupid things while blacked out, like pissing people off, being annoying, trying to make out with girls
-Always being labeled the "drunk" and the butt end of all drinking jokes
-Having to apologize for the above
The feeling
-Feeling like absolute crap all the time is no way to live.
Anxiety
-To elaborate on above, I've had some of the worst moments of my life due to withdrawal anxiety. I've absolutely lost my mind in airports before, freaked out in church, been to the hospital TWICE for anxiety attacks, and I was always so anxious/hungover I could never get out of bed to go to class.
Physically
-Waking up with bumps and bruises, one time a huge knot on my eye where i hit the pavement. Had to lie to my parents who I saw that weekend that I was diving for a frisbee
-Another time I rolled backwards down some stairs. That hurt for a while.
-I'm lucky I never hit my head and died. One time some guy was found lying dead in the snow, and originally it was thought that he was jumped...but later they found out that he just fell and likely hit his head. This EASILY could have been me, and I almost cry every time I think about this.
-Throwing up all the time. At bars, outside bars, at home.
I don't want to feel that way ever again. DO NOT WANT TO!!!
Anyway, just needed to type that out as a reference for myself which I will be adding to as the time to go back to school gets nearer. Please feel free to share your thoughts!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 77
To add:
The meds I eventually was put on for the anxiety. I was taking 40 mg of celexa for general anxiety and 1 mg of ativan for acute panic attacks.
These meds only made things worse, and I took them as a direct result from my drinking. I hope I never take that celexa stuff again, it really, really makes you feel emotionless...
Edit: I finally weened off the meds and was finished just about a month ago. Combining that with not drinking or doing other drugs and I feel GREAT!
The meds I eventually was put on for the anxiety. I was taking 40 mg of celexa for general anxiety and 1 mg of ativan for acute panic attacks.
These meds only made things worse, and I took them as a direct result from my drinking. I hope I never take that celexa stuff again, it really, really makes you feel emotionless...
Edit: I finally weened off the meds and was finished just about a month ago. Combining that with not drinking or doing other drugs and I feel GREAT!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 873
Great idea for a thread.
- the stress in my house
- the stress at work
- having my evenings revolve around when and where I was going to get my booze
- the times I was short-tempered or inattentive with my kids
- the cost
- and overall I'm just a lot happier
- the stress in my house
- the stress at work
- having my evenings revolve around when and where I was going to get my booze
- the times I was short-tempered or inattentive with my kids
- the cost
- and overall I'm just a lot happier
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 77
Rambling on:
Anxiety was something I had to deal with on a daily basis. No exceptions.
-I couldn't drive home to see my family. I'd have to "take a day off" by not drinking as much and then try and drive home the next day hoping the withdrawal wasn't as bad.
-Could hardly ever make it to class because I was too anxious and hungover to get out of bed. When I did I was usually solely focused on my anxiety and counting down the minutes until class was over so I could either go back home and drink or go take a nap. (all before noon)
-Couldn't even sit in a room with friends with out freaking out.
-Panic attacks every time I went to work. Sometimes calling in because i was too anxious to leave my apartment....that wasn't going to get me far in life...
Anxiety was something I had to deal with on a daily basis. No exceptions.
-I couldn't drive home to see my family. I'd have to "take a day off" by not drinking as much and then try and drive home the next day hoping the withdrawal wasn't as bad.
-Could hardly ever make it to class because I was too anxious and hungover to get out of bed. When I did I was usually solely focused on my anxiety and counting down the minutes until class was over so I could either go back home and drink or go take a nap. (all before noon)
-Couldn't even sit in a room with friends with out freaking out.
-Panic attacks every time I went to work. Sometimes calling in because i was too anxious to leave my apartment....that wasn't going to get me far in life...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 62
I feel like I can take a little bit of each list and make my own. Definitely of the embarrassment, having to apologise the next day... The streak of meanness I have. Treating people the way I do when I've been drinking.
Guest
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 245
Great post, I am going to borrow your headers.
The withdrawal
- I'm almost 90 days sober and now dealing with PAWS. From what I have read it typically takes around a year to recover from it. The fact that it takes THAT long to recover is enough motivation for me to stay off of EVERYTHING.
The cost
- Ditto on the tuition/booze fund ratio. I remember I used to get pissed off because I thought the "rich" kids could afford more things than me. Of course I didn't even think about the fact that I was spending literally all of my paychecks on alcohol and cigarettes, while stealing food from my roommates and avoiding paying rent. Now I am amazed at how much money I have saved in my short amount of sobriety and am excited about being able to actually save money.
The embarrassment
- This one is huge for me. I love talking with alcoholics about my embarrassments and hearing theirs, it just makes me feel so much better. I'm with you on the girls one. It's funny how one of the main reasons I drank so much was to feel more comfortable around girls, but in the end I pretty much always wound up embarrassing myself.
Anxiety
- Yes. The paranoia still lingers with me but it is getting better. Not knowing how to be around people without having alcohol/drugs, etc.
Physically
- Fell down LOTS of staircases, sometimes waking up the next day wondering, "Why does my ass hurt so bad?" Not to mention the dozens if not hundreds of times I drove around drunk risking my life and countless others on the road. Hands down, that is what scares me the most looking back on my drinking life. I should be dead or in prison many times over.
The withdrawal
- I'm almost 90 days sober and now dealing with PAWS. From what I have read it typically takes around a year to recover from it. The fact that it takes THAT long to recover is enough motivation for me to stay off of EVERYTHING.
The cost
- Ditto on the tuition/booze fund ratio. I remember I used to get pissed off because I thought the "rich" kids could afford more things than me. Of course I didn't even think about the fact that I was spending literally all of my paychecks on alcohol and cigarettes, while stealing food from my roommates and avoiding paying rent. Now I am amazed at how much money I have saved in my short amount of sobriety and am excited about being able to actually save money.
The embarrassment
- This one is huge for me. I love talking with alcoholics about my embarrassments and hearing theirs, it just makes me feel so much better. I'm with you on the girls one. It's funny how one of the main reasons I drank so much was to feel more comfortable around girls, but in the end I pretty much always wound up embarrassing myself.
Anxiety
- Yes. The paranoia still lingers with me but it is getting better. Not knowing how to be around people without having alcohol/drugs, etc.
Physically
- Fell down LOTS of staircases, sometimes waking up the next day wondering, "Why does my ass hurt so bad?" Not to mention the dozens if not hundreds of times I drove around drunk risking my life and countless others on the road. Hands down, that is what scares me the most looking back on my drinking life. I should be dead or in prison many times over.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,949
I know some alcoholics that despite all the reasons in the world to not drink, they still drink anyhow. I know I was one of them. But, whatever motivates a person to change their behavior is good with me. After all there many good reasons to not drink and any one of those can get a person started on the road to recovery...as long as one is willing that is.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
