JediTrey

So here it is Easter......I'm sobered up for a while, was happily married to the perfect woman for me, but drinking led to my divorce a year and a half ago....I REALLY crawled into the bottle after that, went on many a drunken dates, but even then the booze prevented me from being in a real relationship. So I did it, I'm not drinking. I miss my ex, who's already re-married...and I'm DONE with being lonely and full of regret about how I screwed things up. I have a good job, plenty of money, I kept the house...but how do you all deal with regret/lonliness now that there's clarity?

artsoul

hi jedi -

I think you have to use all those regrets and event the loneliness to motivate you to start rebuilding your life. Use whatever tools you can get your hands on to help you..... meetings, counseling, rehab, SR....... and just start where you're at - with today.

I guess they call it "living in the solution" rather than "living in the problem." Imagine where you want to be a month or a year from now and go for it...... you're worth it!

suki44883

Congratulations on quitting drinking. That's great! However, just quitting drinking does not equal recovery. Are you using a program of support? AA uses the 12-step method of recovery, and in one of those steps, you will make amends to those you have wronged in the past, but you don't do that until you have done the previous steps. Perhaps that is something you can do to help you with your regret. Good luck to you!

Kadybug

Hey Jedi -
You've taken a big step in not drinking and in admitting you're lonely and have regrets. The most successful way I have dealt with those things is to write them down, look at them, quit thinking about all the "reasons" I had for doing and feeling and saying the things I did and just look at them as reality. IT IS WHAT IT IS. This is most of the 4th Step in AA. Admitting to myself (ouch), God (well, he/she/it already knew, but I had to admit that I knew that he/she/it knew), and another human being (are you kidding? I don't want anyone else to know all this **** I did?!?!) really helped, believe it or not. (5th Step) This will then free you up to accept yourself (not judge yourself, not beat yourself up, and not continue to think of what a screw-up you are, but actually accept yourself), which will then give you confidence and an outward peace that others will find attractive.
Naturally, all of this doesn't happen in just a couple of minutes, but once it starts, you'll be amazed at the difference. How you feel about yourself is reflected in how others react to you.

OklaBH

I haven't gotten to the amends step but the help,love, friendship and support I've gotten from AA has made me feel a lot better. Try a meeting

Dee74

I've done my best to do my best - in everything - since I got sober.

That to me is the best way to deal with regrets - However much I want, I can't change the past...but I can make sure that past is not my legacy

D

Anna

Yeah, I'm with Dee on this topic.

I had many regrets and much guilt, but I had to recognize that I could only do my best now. And, that's all any of us can do. Learn from your mistakes and let them go and move forward being the best person you can.

Lipitor

I have certianly been where you are and i know exactly how you must be feeling .
The things (for what it is worth) that helped me the most with loss, loneliness and regret were

1 No matter what , I tried not to live in , or dwell on the past. I mentioned this in a post some weeks ago . I allowed myself to "feel" and dwell, but gave myself 15 mins a day . So , I thought about the past ,etc while I was having a shower. After I turned the water off and got out, I put it away. For me it was good to admit it but not dwell on it.


2 I told myelf that the lonliness was "temporary", If I did not want to stay in that place , ultimately , if sober, it will change. That is a certianty.

3 This might seem a little funny but it worked.
Visit people in hospitals who get no visitors, go to a Sunday church service, go to the movies, call up old friends who live far away and , on the weekends, go and visit them .(you will be surprised how that one helps).
Offer to help a friend with his mowing , yard work , anything that keeps the body active.


4 Stay on the forum. There are people on this site who have a wealth of experience and empathy. Advice and suggestions that I have received have come from others "experience" as a result of pain and a willingness to get on with life.

Hang in ,

Good job

L

Reset

For me, regrets are like all of the other negative emotions/energy that try to release from my daily life.

Regret is a form of self-imposed suffering. Detach from that suffering (just like you detached from the bad habit of consuming too much alcohol) and move on with your life; focus on what you can control.

Lipitor

Very eloquently put .

L

JediTrey

I appreciate it all, this truly is a great " place"... God Bless..Happy Easter...Is it lucky that I spotted a rabbit ( easter bunny)feeding in my yard today?

ReadyAndAble

Wow, JT, we have a lot in common. Change a couple dates, add in joint custody of a young child, and you would pretty much sum up my little world. Your post is especially timely for me. Easter morning meant kissing my daughter goodbye as she headed off to church with her mom and stepdad. Woke up feeling great... but that sent me into a retrospective funk for the rest of the day, honestly.

But it will pass. Most of the time I'm at peace with it all. I had to let go of the idea that my life was supposed to be different, if that makes any sense. I know for sure things were much darker when I was drinking—I keep that memory front and center at all times. And that helps to me be grateful for my sobriety. No matter what else happens, I've got that to hold onto. I've found gratitude is a really powerful weapon against regret.

Here's to a better Monday for us both.