Being "normal" is over-rated
Life is Grand
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Michigan
Posts: 2,039
Being "normal" is over-rated
Another re-post from years ago....
........I read and hear a lot of newcomers to recovery ask "Why can't I be normal?"
It is a very valid question, unfortunately, there is no real answer. However, I have found that for me, being in recovery has made my life......livable, for lack of a better word. (cliche' warning) In the very beginning of my sobriety, I was given a toolbox (not literally, but you know what I mean), while in treatment, at meetings, on the internet and sometimes even from a "normal" person, I have been given various "tools" on how to handle situations in life without picking up, each time I did, I added it to my toolbox. (I have had to get a bigger toolbox many times!!!) I can't imagine going through life now, without my toolbox.....something "normal" people don't even know about, much less have!!!! There have been situations in my sobriety, that I have had to sit down, and sort through my toolbox, looking for just the right tool to help me get over that hurdle......I am positive that my toolbox has kept me sober more than once.
I guess that what I am trying to say, is that we in recovery have been given a great gift....a second chance at life....only it is a better life, we are grateful for what most "normal" people take for granted. We see beauty in everyday things, and that makes everyday special. We know that we are not guaranteed tomorrow, so we are less likely to waste today. Being able to reach out a help someone reclaim their life is a feeling most "normal" people will never know. We are miracles, and every time we help another person into recovery, or stay in recovery, we are creating more miracles...how many people can say that? I could go on and on, but for me, being "normal" seems to be way overrated. Life in recovery isn't always easy, but it is ALWAYS worth it. I am so glad to be Cathy, recovering Alcoholic, grateful to be alive to see one more day, owner of the worlds best tool box...and be part of the best community around...and so NOT normal....it isn't even funny.
Next time you see a "normal" person with a scowl on their face...give them a break, they don't have the tools we have....and next time you wonder why you just can't be "normal"....be grateful, you are blessed.
Cathy
__________________
........I read and hear a lot of newcomers to recovery ask "Why can't I be normal?"
It is a very valid question, unfortunately, there is no real answer. However, I have found that for me, being in recovery has made my life......livable, for lack of a better word. (cliche' warning) In the very beginning of my sobriety, I was given a toolbox (not literally, but you know what I mean), while in treatment, at meetings, on the internet and sometimes even from a "normal" person, I have been given various "tools" on how to handle situations in life without picking up, each time I did, I added it to my toolbox. (I have had to get a bigger toolbox many times!!!) I can't imagine going through life now, without my toolbox.....something "normal" people don't even know about, much less have!!!! There have been situations in my sobriety, that I have had to sit down, and sort through my toolbox, looking for just the right tool to help me get over that hurdle......I am positive that my toolbox has kept me sober more than once.
I guess that what I am trying to say, is that we in recovery have been given a great gift....a second chance at life....only it is a better life, we are grateful for what most "normal" people take for granted. We see beauty in everyday things, and that makes everyday special. We know that we are not guaranteed tomorrow, so we are less likely to waste today. Being able to reach out a help someone reclaim their life is a feeling most "normal" people will never know. We are miracles, and every time we help another person into recovery, or stay in recovery, we are creating more miracles...how many people can say that? I could go on and on, but for me, being "normal" seems to be way overrated. Life in recovery isn't always easy, but it is ALWAYS worth it. I am so glad to be Cathy, recovering Alcoholic, grateful to be alive to see one more day, owner of the worlds best tool box...and be part of the best community around...and so NOT normal....it isn't even funny.
Next time you see a "normal" person with a scowl on their face...give them a break, they don't have the tools we have....and next time you wonder why you just can't be "normal"....be grateful, you are blessed.
Cathy
__________________
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Tahoe CA
Posts: 1,098
Thank you for the repost Surly. I enjoyed reading it and even better,
actually understanding the meaning behind it. I'm on my thousandth and ten go-round with recovery. 13 weeks today which is the longest, by a bunch, in years.
I don't know why it is different this time, and why I am understanding things that I thought I did before, but really didn't. It doesn't really matter why, I'm so very grateful that it just is.
Not sure if this post even makes sense, but somehow I believe you will understand exactly what I am trying to say here. Hope your Easter weekend is absolutely lovely.
actually understanding the meaning behind it. I'm on my thousandth and ten go-round with recovery. 13 weeks today which is the longest, by a bunch, in years.
I don't know why it is different this time, and why I am understanding things that I thought I did before, but really didn't. It doesn't really matter why, I'm so very grateful that it just is.
Not sure if this post even makes sense, but somehow I believe you will understand exactly what I am trying to say here. Hope your Easter weekend is absolutely lovely.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Part of why I drank was so I would fit in and be normal...at least in the beginning.
Today I embrace all aspects of not being normal...and I wouldn't want to be normal for all the gold in China....or whatever metaphor you want to use
Today I embrace all aspects of not being normal...and I wouldn't want to be normal for all the gold in China....or whatever metaphor you want to use
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
I think this thread is worth resurrecting. I notice at least one of the posters here hasn't been around for a long while.
Personally, I think the problem with "normal" is that is requires some sort of comparison to everyone, or at least someone, else.
The other trouble with "normal" is that it is too relative, even in oneself. I feel pretty "normal" right now, for first thing in the morning. I felt pretty "normal" yesterday, for somebody who needs to lose 40 pounds. My husband is pretty "normal" for a guy in his 60's.
Now, what does "wellness" mean? Ha! Now THAT topic is batted around in the healthcare profession as though anyone's opinion actually counts!
Maybe "centered", "balanced", "unadulterated" or whatever term works for the individual is a better way to put it. No matter what you put into it, the human body seeks a place of "equilibrium" -- another cool word. Put it alcohol, the body seeks to detox it OUT. Put in drugs, same thing, even ACTUAL MEDICATIONS are treated by the body this way. Hey, we are designed to wear out and then DIE. Why rush things?
Look, I'm taking a humorous approach to a serious topic. What I learned in healthcare a LONG time ago is that there is NO ONE who is really "normal". Medical studies strive to compare people who a "alike" in order to test the effect of something. Even the researchers have one HELL of a time trying to find enough commonality among us to set up a balanced study (yeah, that word again).
What helped me try to re-set my "normal" switch in recovery has been to put my views of what that means into perspective. I set the "normal" bar WAY too high when I recalibrated it with drugs and alcohol. Now I just have to recalibrate it every now and then to a realistic level that fits my age, my gender, and what I define as a "normal" lifestyle for me.
Just some thoughts.
FT
Personally, I think the problem with "normal" is that is requires some sort of comparison to everyone, or at least someone, else.
The other trouble with "normal" is that it is too relative, even in oneself. I feel pretty "normal" right now, for first thing in the morning. I felt pretty "normal" yesterday, for somebody who needs to lose 40 pounds. My husband is pretty "normal" for a guy in his 60's.
Now, what does "wellness" mean? Ha! Now THAT topic is batted around in the healthcare profession as though anyone's opinion actually counts!
Maybe "centered", "balanced", "unadulterated" or whatever term works for the individual is a better way to put it. No matter what you put into it, the human body seeks a place of "equilibrium" -- another cool word. Put it alcohol, the body seeks to detox it OUT. Put in drugs, same thing, even ACTUAL MEDICATIONS are treated by the body this way. Hey, we are designed to wear out and then DIE. Why rush things?
Look, I'm taking a humorous approach to a serious topic. What I learned in healthcare a LONG time ago is that there is NO ONE who is really "normal". Medical studies strive to compare people who a "alike" in order to test the effect of something. Even the researchers have one HELL of a time trying to find enough commonality among us to set up a balanced study (yeah, that word again).
What helped me try to re-set my "normal" switch in recovery has been to put my views of what that means into perspective. I set the "normal" bar WAY too high when I recalibrated it with drugs and alcohol. Now I just have to recalibrate it every now and then to a realistic level that fits my age, my gender, and what I define as a "normal" lifestyle for me.
Just some thoughts.
FT
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
I agree with that melon hat wearing cat, surlyred. By gaining sobriety, I have collected some powerful tools. They are not limited to aiding sobriety, but are really life tools, things I should have picked up a long time ago. I believe I am better now that I was when I started drinking way back when. I am better for this experience.
Life is Grand
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Michigan
Posts: 2,039
Originally Posted by failedtaper 
Hey, we are designed to wear out and then DIE. Why rush things?
I LOVE that, it should be put on a shirt...I hope you don't mind, but I am going to use that as often as the opportunity arises to say it to someone!!!!
Cathy
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Hudson Valley, NY
Posts: 42
Want to say thank you so much for this post. I have had countless days during my 8 years dealing with this disease where I asked myself that very question. And feeling so guilty and ashamed because I couldn't be one of the "normal ones".
That post inspires me to challenge the negative way I view my alcoholism.
I'm glad you re posted that!
Something to meditate over before bed!
That post inspires me to challenge the negative way I view my alcoholism.
I'm glad you re posted that!
Something to meditate over before bed!
Life is Grand
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Michigan
Posts: 2,039
You are very welcome Jallen! I have found that there is a whole lot more room outside of the circle of noramlcy, than being confined within the lines. It gives us a little wiggle room...and the company is more interesting too!!! 
Cathy
Cathy
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Austin, Texas
Posts: 1,387
Thanks for posting this!!!!! This post will help me when that voice beckons me. Hmm, I think I will print it and keep it in my billfold (assuming it is not copyrighted!) It is that good! I bet you helped us all who read your post.
Thanks again!
Thanks again!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Thanks failed taper for resurrecting this thread and surlyredhead for starting it.
I have been pondering this lately, I think a lot of "normal"people would benefit from a recovery program. I am so grateful that I have a program that I can access to help me through the difficult times.
CaiHong
I have been pondering this lately, I think a lot of "normal"people would benefit from a recovery program. I am so grateful that I have a program that I can access to help me through the difficult times.
CaiHong
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: « USA » Recovered with AVRT (Rational Recovery) ___________
Posts: 3,680
For my part, I don't do recovery, I don't do sobriety, and although I've seen a world of hurt, I don't do walking wounded, either. I do life. I am what I am, and I don't need fixing, because I am not broken.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Hey, TU, I can't disagree with that.
For me, though, I've got to fight my natural tendencies to presume that I'm missing something. So I sorta go at life full tilt, just in case. And just to make really sure I'm not missing something important, I've removed drugs and alcohol from my handicap.
FT
For me, though, I've got to fight my natural tendencies to presume that I'm missing something. So I sorta go at life full tilt, just in case. And just to make really sure I'm not missing something important, I've removed drugs and alcohol from my handicap.
FT
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
I don't feel as if my life is better for having been, addicted, nor do I feel as if I am somehow more fortunate than "normal" (I find that term of reference offensive, I truly do) people.
I know plenty of people who live full lives, appreciate what they have, play well with others etc who have not slogged through the marsh of substance abuse.
I don't feel recovering addicts have a monopoly on spiritual principles or life skills. People are people, life is life, every one has areas they shine in and others that they are rather less shiny.
My boyfriend had a plan to drink himself to death because he was a failure at life and dying of alcoholism was somehow "romantic". I disagree that substance abuse or slavery to any substance or process is romantic, and I am not comfortable with romanticizing recovery either.
But that is just me. Recovery is another experience I choose to have in this life. Options.
I know plenty of people who live full lives, appreciate what they have, play well with others etc who have not slogged through the marsh of substance abuse.
I don't feel recovering addicts have a monopoly on spiritual principles or life skills. People are people, life is life, every one has areas they shine in and others that they are rather less shiny.
My boyfriend had a plan to drink himself to death because he was a failure at life and dying of alcoholism was somehow "romantic". I disagree that substance abuse or slavery to any substance or process is romantic, and I am not comfortable with romanticizing recovery either.
But that is just me. Recovery is another experience I choose to have in this life. Options.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Threshold:
Why not romanticize recovery?
While recovering addicts may not have a monopoly on spiritual principles or life skills, many of us have certainly explored those things more than some who have never faced such a challenge. That is not to minimize other sorts of challenges someone might go through. This is not a contest.
Me? I do romanticize recovery in some ways. Not so much to hoot and shout or proclaim I have re-invented the wheel, but my own quiet, internal strengths, many of which I had to discover in order to recover.
Life is not so bland that there is nothing to celebrate, nothing to romanticize. Choosing the right ones and living by those principles is a good thing, whatever way we arrived at that place.
FT
Why not romanticize recovery?
While recovering addicts may not have a monopoly on spiritual principles or life skills, many of us have certainly explored those things more than some who have never faced such a challenge. That is not to minimize other sorts of challenges someone might go through. This is not a contest.
Me? I do romanticize recovery in some ways. Not so much to hoot and shout or proclaim I have re-invented the wheel, but my own quiet, internal strengths, many of which I had to discover in order to recover.
Life is not so bland that there is nothing to celebrate, nothing to romanticize. Choosing the right ones and living by those principles is a good thing, whatever way we arrived at that place.
FT
Life is Grand
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Michigan
Posts: 2,039
Threshold,
One of my tools is being able to accept others at face value. If I want to be accepted, then I must accept.
I never intended to imply that my life is better than anyone elses because I am in recovery. I was trying to say that MY life is better in recovery than when I was using. I truly do appreciate most everything in a way I never did before, and by before, I mean before I began drinking or while I was drinking. I have been given a great gift in recovery, it is called gratitude...even for the smallest things. Would I recommend using to the point of addiction, only to get clean and sober just to be grateful....absolutely NOT, however, we are on this board because we were addicted.
This is, after all, the newcomers to recovery section. There is a lot of confusion when we first get sober (remember) I was simply trying to put the person who is new to recovery at ease, to let them know that life is good sober and clean, and we don't have to fit the textbook definition of "normal" to fit in. I was given encouragement and hope when I first got to recovery, and now that I have a few 24hrs, I want to give back. It really was that simple, I was not trying to romanticize, or place anyone above another...and if you have recovery tools, be grateful, you are blessed.
Peace...Cathy
One of my tools is being able to accept others at face value. If I want to be accepted, then I must accept.
I never intended to imply that my life is better than anyone elses because I am in recovery. I was trying to say that MY life is better in recovery than when I was using. I truly do appreciate most everything in a way I never did before, and by before, I mean before I began drinking or while I was drinking. I have been given a great gift in recovery, it is called gratitude...even for the smallest things. Would I recommend using to the point of addiction, only to get clean and sober just to be grateful....absolutely NOT, however, we are on this board because we were addicted.
This is, after all, the newcomers to recovery section. There is a lot of confusion when we first get sober (remember) I was simply trying to put the person who is new to recovery at ease, to let them know that life is good sober and clean, and we don't have to fit the textbook definition of "normal" to fit in. I was given encouragement and hope when I first got to recovery, and now that I have a few 24hrs, I want to give back. It really was that simple, I was not trying to romanticize, or place anyone above another...and if you have recovery tools, be grateful, you are blessed.
Peace...Cathy
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
Like Cathy I look back at the man I was and look at who I am now and - I'm glad.
I wouldn't recommend drinking and drugging for 20+ years and nearly dying several times as a life pattern for anyone else...
but I had to go through all that to get to where I am now, so I embrace it as a part of my life and my history
I don't go around looking checking if I'm better or wiser than anyone else lol....but I know I'm a lot better and wiser than I used to be...and a lot more use to others now too
thanks for the thread Cathy
D
I wouldn't recommend drinking and drugging for 20+ years and nearly dying several times as a life pattern for anyone else...
but I had to go through all that to get to where I am now, so I embrace it as a part of my life and my history
I don't go around looking checking if I'm better or wiser than anyone else lol....but I know I'm a lot better and wiser than I used to be...and a lot more use to others now too
thanks for the thread Cathy
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: « USA » Recovered with AVRT (Rational Recovery) ___________
Posts: 3,680
Not to throw a monkey's wrench in here, but I tend to think it is quite "normal" to become addicted. Just look at the variety of people that become addicted, seemingly of all ages and backgrounds. It is obviously part of the human condition.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
