Petiteprincess

A little nervous to write this even after a very large straight vodka.. I'm 23 and generally a good person when I'm not being selfish and getting drunk. People seem to have a stereotypical view of the average alcoholic but I don't fit that stereotype. Not that anyone should be stereotyped in any way mind you! I did very well at school, was very popular and had hardly any issues. I started working and it all seemed to go downhill - Money wasn't an issue then and I'd drink and do cocaine daily, spending £100 a day on my cocaine habit. I've now known I have an alcohol problem for nearly 5 years. I don't touch cocaine anymore, that was just for a year when i was 19 but alcohol is easily available and much cheaper. I don't drink everyday but when i'm on one, i'm really on it. I can binge on vodka, red wine etc for up to 5 days at a time. Only drinking to cure the shakes and make myself feel 'normal' again. Alcohol has ruined the majority of relationships i've had, from family to partners, jobs - everything. I've recently met someone perfect for me and i cannot afford to ruin it. It gets complicated but basically this is too good to mess up. I can't hide my drinking for much longer so i need to stop. Not just for him but for my sanity, my family's sanity. Not sure what to do as we go out for meals, lunches etc and it's normal for us to drink. I am such a mess at the moment.

CarolD

Welcome to SR....

Many of us are winning over alcohol
and so can you...

Petiteprincess

Thank you Carol I'm just not sure why i do drink. I have never even had sex sober, i know i have confidence issues though. I think this may be the reason that I drink, or at least one of them.

suki44883

Welcome to SR! You will find a lot of support here if you want to recover from the ravages of alcoholism. Please read the stickies at the top of the forum. They contain a lot of wisdom and will answer a lot of questions you may have.

It's good that you want to stop drinking, and it is true that you must want it for yourself, not for some guy or your family. It will have to be the most important thing in your world. You will need support, and SR is great in that area, but having face-to-face support is important, too. Have you considered attending AA meetings or finding an addictions counselor to help? There are many avenues of support available, and I hope you will find the one that is right for you.

artsoul

Welcome Petite - I remember my first post and how scared I was. I was drinking too when I did it. I knew I couldn't continue drinking but kept doing it anyway. It's a miserable way to live.

I'm so glad you're here! We know what you're going through, so keep reading and posting. I never thought I'd be able to live without alcohol, but here I am after almost a year sober and this forum has been a lifesaver for me.

Petiteprincess

Thanks suki - I have thought about it and I do think I need face to face more than anything but it's just the shame I can't handle. It's such a shameful secret and I'm embarrassed by it all. I'm a 23 year old girl and people just think I'm being selfish and don't understand, but how could they understand when even I don't. It's just a mess.

Petiteprincess

It's SO good to hear that it is possible. I will take your advice and keep reading and posting. Even after drinking today I know I won't be able to get drunk, it's just replacing last night's booze. Thanks for your support. It's time I really looked at what the drink has helped me do, which is nothing.

Francismcan

Glad you are here.
You did an excellent job of defining your problem to one specific thing: Alcohol.
Are you asking for what the solution is?
Willing and able to give that solution.

Francismcan

You did not concern yourself with shame as a means to prevent you from drinking and using cocaine, is that then a reasonable and rational concern (shame) to use to prevent you from taking the medicine to treat the disease?

Petiteprincess

If you have one? I just need to stop. I know I can never drink again after today, but saying it is different to doing it. I have no one i can talk to about this. My friends have all had enough and I become a compulsive liar when I'm drunk. I can't do this to myself or anyone else anymore.

Anna

Of course, you can stop drinking and live a sober life. There is lots of hope, and I know all of us here have been very afraid when we set out on our recovery journey.

I do caution you though, because you can't do this because you want to keep a boyfriend. Honestly, it won't work. You need to do it for yourself because you love and value yourself. Drinking is only the first step and it takes many life changes to recover.

Some members here use AA which works for them, but others use different methods that work well for them, so take a look around and read and learn.

Petiteprincess

That's a bit confusing to my vodka soaked brain.

Petiteprincess

I will be doing this for me, and secondly my family. It's important that he knows I can function properly when I'm not drinking though, so part of it is so that I can lead a normal healthy life. What I'm doing isn't normal. But until I fix me, I'll never have a happy life. The drink is the only thing that lets me down, everyone agrees.

Petiteprincess

I'm not even a nice drunk, haven't been nice when drunk since i was about 18. I'm vile and violent. I say hurtful things that can't be taken back. It's disgusting.

Trying2doBetter

I have to tell you that if that is an actual photo of you, you are BEAUTIFUL. Now, convince yourself of that and stop the cycle.

Petiteprincess

Thank you, that's cheered me up a bit

suki44883

^^^^THAT is where you should feel shame. Finding recovery for alcoholism is nothing to be ashamed of. It will be hard work and it is something you will have to work on for the rest of your life. If it is what you truly want, you will be willing to do whatever it takes. It can't be something you do because you met some guy who is perfect for you. There is no one perfect for an active alcoholic.

Petiteprincess

To deal with the shame I just drink again. I know I have to break this cycle, this can't go on. Sometimes I think I'm not going to wake up and at that point I don't care.

suki44883

Chances are better than good that you will wake up. Yes, you must break the cycle, but to get a different result, you must do something different. Nothing changes if nothing changes. Find some face-to-face support and do not drink, even if your ass falls off. Do.not.drink.

Opivotal

Welcome PetitePrincess! I'm happy your decided to join us. You have a wealth of support and information here. No judgement and people going through exactly what you are. You couldn't ask for a better place to start your recovery from alcohol. The first step is yours and I wish you the best!