Petiteprincess

You're 100% right, no doubt about it. I need to make the changes necessary for me to move forward. If nothing changes, then nothing changes. I can't handle not sleeping, night sweats all of it. I want to feel human again. Ive been thinking about this for long enough, it's time to DO something about it. I honestly think I need a treatment centre/rehab though. Not sure I can make it on my own or just through AA.

suki44883

If you think rehab will help, then do that. But don't think that rehab is a magic panacea and that it will solve your problem. Rehab will teach you coping skills and tools to use once you are back in the world, but it will be up to you to put what you learn into action. Also, upon release, most rehabs strongly suggest attending AA meetings.

Francismcan

This is from a book that describes the disease and gives the solution (the Big Book of AA):

"For most normal folks, drinking means conviviality, companionship and colorful imagination. It means release from care, boredom and worry. It is joyous intimacy with friends and a feeling that life is good. But not so with us in those last days of heavy drinking. The old pleasures were gone. They were but memories. Never could we recapture the great moments of the past. There was an insistent yearning to enjoy life as we once did and a heartbreaking obsession that some new miracle of control would enable us to do it. There was always one more attempt - and one more failure.

The less people tolerated us, the more we withdrew from society, from life itself. As we became subjects of King Alcohol, shivering denizens of his mad realm, the chilling vapor that is loneliness settled down. It thickened, ever becoming blacker. Some of us sought out sordid places, hoping to find understanding companionship and approval. Momentarily we did - then would come oblivion and the awful awakening to face the hideous Four Horsemen - Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration, Despair. Unhappy drinkers who read this page will understand!"

Petite Princess I do understand very well where you are at with this disease.
__________________
All quotes from Alcoholics Anonymous The Story of How Thousands of Men and Women Have Recovered From Alcoholism, First Edition, Copyright 1939.

Dee74

Hi Petiteprincess

Some great advice here already - but you're right:
It's a scary prospect I know...and it's not always easy going - but you're not alone
It really is possible to turn lives around and find happiness

Welcome to SR

D

Ranger

A drunk AND a liar!? My dear, you'll fit-in here splendidly.

Truly, welcome.

Petiteprincess

How embarrassing....

OklaBH

Welcome! We have a lot in common! Glad you're here! Please continue posting!

Ranger

Whoops...a thousand apologies, PP. An ill-timed attempt at levity.

Please know you're surrounded by friends here. Keep posting. I can promise you there's a better life w/out alcohol and there's a way beyond the shame.

BoozeFree

Welcome to SR. I'm around your age and can relate to turning into a mean drunk the last few years. My friends eventually wanted nothing to do with me and I continued to drink. Now on day 2 after a relapse and had a brief amount of sobriety in the past which was def better then any day of drinking. Hang in there.

topspin

Petite, Welcome to SR !

"Don't drink ,... if your ass falls off "

That's about the only thing I really remembered hearing the first time I walked into a "meeting".

I erroneously thought the guy who said it ( what he heard his first meeting ); was the local president of AA or something. Lo, each meeting, someone else was up there running (chairing) it .

Anyway, just wanted to tell you "welcome" .....

.... this place has been a real life saver for me since coming here just over a year ago. It can be for you too.

Those first few weeks were rough for me ( an understatement !? ) but, I just kept coming here to SR and read (.....and read and read ) to make it through those first crucial weeks.

.....just wanted to welcome you, !!!!

FrothyJay

If we could do this, why would we need recovery?

topspin

FJ,
I really think the message is intended as a pre-first step direction for folks coming to their first meeting,

.... it surely may not resonate with everyone, .. but, i found it pretty helpful my first 2 weeks in sobriety.

I tend to be naturally mule-headed though !?!

Dee74

Although we share a common problem, the way each of us deals with it is different.

'not drinking no matter what' was actually a revelation to me back in the day...

and not drinking no matter what, playing the tape through, urge surfing my cravings, reaching out for support etc - all of those things got to me to a place where I could begin to work on myself and make the change to a sober life a permanent one.

I don't hesitate to recommend things like this - sometimes they'll work for others too, sometimes maybe not...thats why, IMO, it's the culmination of voices and experiences that makes SR the great place it is

D

FrothyJay

I understand, and do not mean to pick on you or your comment.

But: the number of people who come to an AA meeting and never come back is staggering. Could it be because we shower them with phrases like "Don't drink and go to meetings?" and "don't pick up the first drink?" These people come to us desperate to find a solution to a problem they can't fix, and we say, "just do it?"

In early AA, people were taken through the steps before they came to a meeting. They were given the solution first, and then asked to share it with others. It's become backwards now-- come to the meeting, and maybe we'll get around to the solution after you've been abstinent enough. Huh? I can't stay abstinent without the solution.