LSNP

Okay, for many months now I've had a bright spot or two in my mid-afternoon thinking and that was... "Oh, yeah. I get to have an ice cold Vodka/Coke or a nice glass of wine when I get home." I had that feeling today and then remembered.... It was like a grey cloud of disappointment rolled through my head in the blink of an eye.

The addiction is saying, "Look. If you eat first, you only have one or two. So eat first, Idiot. It's when you start drinking on an empty stomach, all day long, that you become a "problem" drinker."

The sanity is saying, "My a$$. You'd survive on Vodka and Coke if you could."

So..... I'm ten lbs overweight and want to lose it badly. I can't/won't substitute sweets for that Vodka. Any suggestions on what I can do? I'm really craving it pretty bad right now.... thank goodness I have to go back to work.

I feel as if I'm in a sad state of Poor Me Deprivation. No friends, no Vodka, no social life... Poor, Poor Pitiful Me.....

Bikeguy

Go for a walk, go to a movie, grab something healthy to snack on like fruit. Stay strong you can do this!

SSIL75

Thinking there's nothing else to look forward to is just the alcohol talking. It's not true. I mean it can't be true, logically. So accept that as an alcoholic thought and know that you won't feel that way forever.

ACT10Npack

This would be a good time to a join. This will keep you active. Make you look forward to something productive after work and you will lose the 10 pounds you want. Why don't you also try to start some hobbies too. If you want to meet new people that have the same interest then go on meetup.com. Life is not over until your clock stops.

Good Luck

silly

Very well said, SSIL75.

Ranger

What to look forward to (without alcohol)?

For what it's worth, these thoughts have helped me...

To what purpose do I drink myself into oblivion time and time again?
What is the end game? Will I arrive at my death bed wishing I had drank more?
Will anyone ever truly know me so long as I am drinking?
Am I capable of unconditional, genuine love for others while I value the bottle over all?
Is it possible to be truly happy and an active alcoholic?

Of course, the disease would have me believe I CAN have it all by limiting myself to one or two drinks. But really, WHAT'S THE FREAKING POINT!? I'd sooner have Diet Coke and save the empty calories than drink a beer or two.

"A beer or two"...hahaha..

Dee74

Welcome LSNP

SSIL75 is right - thinking there's nothing to look forward to is just rationalising for the addiction. I used to do it too.

The plain fact is there's so many things to look forward to, sober

If you think you really need a treat for a while, put your thinking cap and think of something else you enjoy - if it's sugary sweet, try not and lean on that for too long

Welcome to SR - you'll find a lot of support here.

D

strawberryashes

I had that bright spot in my day today as well. Whew, only a few hours until I can open that bottle of wine. Then I remembered. I don't do that anymore.

Addiction is so scary. I'm having an bad day and it's almost like I can taste it. It's like a little flutter of anticipation in my chest. If I didn't have a problem it wouldn't be there.

This is silly but... Do you have Netflix? On instant view they have all of the Twilight Zone episodes. There are like hundreds.

LSNP

Sigh. Thanks, All. I've just been sort of gloomy all day. The thing is, I have no boyfriend, I have a volatile relationship with my exhusband who absolutely delights in doing whatever he can to upset me; I have no social life, no friends and no time (aka single mother of two). It's like drinking was all I HAD.... and I know that's insane and I'm just on Day Freaking Five and Hating Freaking Life.... but, Man. I just don't know how to cope without it, I guess. Before it was just a "quit for awhile" thing. This whole NEVER TAKE ANOTHER DRINK is sort of mind-bending. I HATE absolutes, always have.

I would have thought that by Day 5 I should be on the upswing... but I think I am probably misjudging my level of withdrawal. I don't have seriously horrible symptoms... foggy, etc.... but I sure am gloomy and depressed again today. If I'm having this much trouble with booze, I'll never be able to quit smoking. If I can't quit smoking I'm going to die in five years, anyway, so why not booze it up? <Addiction Talking, Folks...>

Dee74

Drinking was all I had too LSNP...I started again from scratch.
This place helped me a lot tho - you're never alone in this

D

Latte

I look forward to whatever the day may bring and I know good or bad, that if I'm sober at the end of the day, it's been a success.

Today I mowed the single Father across the streets lawn. He works with my husband and I know he's busy and struggling with his own alcoholism. I left him a cute little note too. The day is still early too. I feel all warm and fuzzy inside knowing he's going to come home to a mowed lawn, a cute note and be able to smile.

Mark75

Yep, been there. For me it was untreated alcoholism.... Getting recovered is so much more than not drinking.

Do you have any recovery related reading material you can read, and reread? I don't know where you are at in terms of AA, but you can find the textbook at Barnes and Noble, Borders, Online.... and the best place.... at an AA meeting... I found that until I took action, I was gloomy and depressed. Action brings hope, and change...

And isn't that something you can look forward to?

LSNP

Again, thanks for all the feedback.

I'm no stranger to AA, though I was always the support person and not the person needing it. I've got the BB here, actually, from eons ago. It was maybe my sister's or boyfriend's or something. I should pick it up.

I would like to hang around with sober people. Just not ready to actually go to a meeting yet. Lots of shame and embarrassment in that for me. I would DIE if I saw somebody I knew.

Love the mowed yard post. :-) Wish you were MY neighbor!!!!!!!!!!

By the way.... last night sucked a big weiner. Rough in all respects. But I ate a filling meal, loaded up on vitamins and went to bed sober. Woke up at 5:30 a.m. feeling better than I have in what seems like decades. Went back to bed out of sheer habit (I'm ALWAYS tired, I thought to myself... Why would I WASTE the ability to sleep in???) and got back up at 7:30.

Sun is shining today for the first time in a week. Even starting off the morning with nasty texts from the ex hasn't really dampened that fact.

I don't feel like killing myself today. That's ALWAYS a good thing, No? :-)

Ranger

<chuckling> Yeah, LSNP, that's always a damn good thing. I am happy and hopeful for you.

GettingStronger2

Welcome to SR! The early days are hard. I grieved the loss of alcohol on my third day sober, so I do understand your feelings.

But what do you have to look forward to? A wonderful life, free from the prison of alcohol. My life today is better than it has ever been. I am happier and more serene than I have been in my life. Life still happens, but without the problem of alcohol, I can handle problems in ways I never thought possible.

It takes work, but you can have a joyful life. Find activities to fill you time. Learn about yourself and grow.

And keep coming back here. You will get to know many people who are Living life, not just surviving day by day and without alcohol.

artsoul

I had the same feelings early on. I couldn't think about not drinking forever - just getting through the day was enough of a challenge. Over time I started seeing the obsession fade and I slowly got interested in doing things again, but for a couple months I felt really low on energy and had lots of emotions. It really does get better even though you can't see it right now.

Alcohol releases dopamine in the brain which gives us that euphoric feeling. Normally the brain does it on its own, but with chronic drinking it stops producing it. So it takes time for the brain to get the message and start doing its job again.

It really does get better........ In addition to recovery, I find that having some motivational reading/quotes help, and when all else fails, I stop and think about what I have to feel grateful for. We're all behind you - keep going!!!

SSIL75

More alcoholic thoughts!

It's not "my life sucks and drinking is all I have".. .it's "My life sucks AND I'm an alcoholic on top of it". Suckiness on top of suckiness!

The fact that you never have to drink again is the only plus here. Without alcohol around you're neck you'll have the head to get the rest of your life together. You'll make friends, you'll get a social life (think of the extra money you'll have!). You'll be in a position to enter into a healthy relationship!

Un-learning all the lies my alcoholic brain had me believe has really been the crux of my recovery. I hope you have some luck with it, too.

LaFemme

As for what to do/look forward to. I had to relearn this as well, I think we all do. I made a list of things I used to love to do before the alcohol consumed me. Even going back to things I liked to do as a kid. Then I would try to do them at night when I used to drink or on the weekends when I drank all day. Some things didn't. Do it for me any more...others I rediscovered.

Good luck and be gentle with yourself.