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Old 04-22-2011, 11:03 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Three nights ago I nearly died...


I have been a problem drinker for about three years. To cut a long story short, I've known I've had a problem for quite some time - and last November I quit drinking for several months. I felt fantastic, but to be honest, I wasn't mentally committed to it, and despite going to meetings, felt very much a 'guest' rather than fully involved in my sobriety.

Not surprisingly, I slipped back into it, and with 100% more commitment to my drinking than before. A good bottle of wine each night, with more on binges (which were picking up in frequency).

Three nights ago, I drank a bottle and a half of wine, which is maybe a little more than average but by no means over the top for me. Normally I can go to bed and sleep (badly) and wake up fuzzy headed and crack on with the day ahead. Not this time. I dreamed I was choking, actually had an out of body experience, where I saw myself in the bed dying. I was in fact, suffocating for real. I'd vomited in my sleep and since I was flat on my back, I'd inhaled it. After coughing, spluttering and finally getting my breath, coughing out lumps of puke from my lungs, I realized I had literally been seconds from dying in my sleep, leaving my two kids motherless and my husband a widower. Hubby was watching TV downstairs so I was alone in the bed. Sometimes he falls asleep on the couch until morning, so I know he wouldn't have found me until it was too late. Maybe one of my kids might have in the morning...

I thought I'd had a few 'final straw' moments, but this one was the wake up call I needed to take my drinking problem seriously and get the help I need. I now know that one glass will inevitably lead to my death, and am 100% committed to starting my new life as a non drinker.

I am so very grateful to be given a second chance in life. I have so much to be thankful for, and I couldn't see it until it was almost too late. So very, very lucky.

Any advice and support on here would be very much appreciated. I've been to this forum several times over the last few months, but this time I've registered, and will make sure I'm a frequent visitor. Thank goodness for places like this where you can speak freely and to people who get it. I haven't been able to tell anyone about what happened, even my husband, I'm too ashamed, but I know it was one of those life defining moments. I won't be ignoring it.
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Old 04-22-2011, 11:06 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR. Well, maybe God is trying to get your attention! Great to see you here, keep posting....

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Old 04-22-2011, 11:20 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Thanks Mark!

I'm not usually a very spiritual person, but I had an ominous feeling something like this was going to happen. I had a dream about a week ago when someone appeared to me and told me I was going to die unless I stopped doing what I was doing. He was very persistent in the dream and I tried to ignore him, but it was so vivid and frightening I was telling my husband and best friend about it for days after, and fretting about it. I felt so 'off' about it it really did consume a lot of my thinking (and drinking) time. I'd lie awake at night swearing that tomorrow was going to be my quit day. However, it didn't make me stop (of course).

I really feel like I have been given a second chance. Some people aren't as lucky, I don't want to waste it. I've been slowly killing myself with booze and cigarettes for a long time now. Once this happened, I realized I WANT to be here, I've still got so many things to do and so many people who need me and love me. High fives to the powers that be, someone or something gave me a reason to live.
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Old 04-22-2011, 11:22 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR! That was a scary wake-up call, for sure. The support I found here has made all the difference.
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Old 04-22-2011, 11:24 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Home newwings

Wow what a scary experience to go through. I am so glad that was a wake up call for you.

Try going back to some meetings and maybe anounce you are a newcomer so you can get a bunch of women phone numbers.

You have a lot to offer with a bottom like that so when you feel comfortable try sharing about it with people.

Hope to see you around I go to a lot of the gratitude posts and of course one of my favorites in the Whiners there are some awesome people and a whole lot of support.
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Old 04-22-2011, 11:29 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by newwings View Post
I have been a problem drinker for about three years. To cut a long story short, I've known I've had a problem for quite some time - and last November I quit drinking for several months. I felt fantastic, but to be honest, I wasn't mentally committed to it, and despite going to meetings, felt very much a 'guest' rather than fully involved in my sobriety.
Sorry that you had to go through that experience newwings -- it may be the wake up / rock bottom that you need to move forward with a recovery plan that will work this time.

You quit before for several months, but indicated you weren't mentally committed to it. What will you change this time... what will you do differently? For me, it was finding out why I drank...was there a void, were their underlying reasons, things that bothered me, things that made me unhappy, things that stressed me out. This time is my sobriety/recovery, I am working on all those things so I stay focused on my recovery so I can stay sober for the rest of my life.

You are lucky to be given a second chance, as you stated. So please use this chance to make this the beginning of the rest of your life. It is SO worth it.

I wish you the very best. Stick around SR, you will enjoy it here... and it does work if you keep coming back. Hugs and positive thoughts are being sent your way!
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Old 04-22-2011, 11:36 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Welcome newwings! For some of us there is no defining moment for when we stop drinking and for others there is something life changing like your experience. I'm sorry you had to go through that but so glad you joined us. There is so much understanding and support here!
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Old 04-22-2011, 11:42 AM   #8 (permalink)
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The reason I quit going to meetings was my general smug attitude, frankly. I sat there listening to horrific stories of GI bleeds, fatal car crashes, DUI's, Jail, failed marriages...and thought 'I've never got THAT low. That's not me. I'm not that bad'. How wrong I was...

If I'm being totally honest (and what's the point of being on here if I can't be), the meetings used to make me feel irritated by what I perceived as a bunch of whiners sitting in a room, really. Helpless, weak people who drank without thought or caution for others or themselves. I used to come out of the meetings and feel a huge sense of relief as I drove home. Not for me offloading (as I was always quite wooden and closed about talking), but just so I was out of that heavy intense situation and being stuck in a room full of people I really didn't want to be with. I hope no one on here is offended by my comments, as that's not what I intend.

You see...I now see I AM one of those people. Helpless, weak, drinking without thought or caution for others or myself. I just didn't see it until it was almost too late.

I'm letting in sink in, and then I'll think about going back to the meetings. Maybe try a different one and see how it goes. I think I might be more the Rational Recovery kind of thinker, I'm not sure. All I know is that my life changed completely three nights ago - I've no more excuses left as to why I can continue. Not one single one. For the first time in my life, I feel CERTAIN that I don't ever want to drink again. I want to continue to feel that way.
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Old 04-22-2011, 11:57 AM   #9 (permalink)
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You know..I use really bad experiences to keep me on track. Now yours..that is a REALLY GOOD one to use. You are really fortunate that you pulled out of passing out and woke up enough to save yourself. I have a dear friend ..he really struggled with drinking. Went to rehab twice. They found him dead last year. Alone..he didn't wake up like you did and choked to death. It just crushed me. Helluva way to die..I was back and forth between being sad..and really angry. He had been thru a divorce but left behind a son and a daughter. They were angry and frustrated that he drank all the time anyway..this is something they will live with forever. Glad you are here. His death is one of many reasons I quit drinking. It holds absolutely no appeal for me now. I wish you well..Welcome!
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Old 04-22-2011, 12:11 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Welcome newwings:ghug3 Your story sounds like mine in that you have a high tolerance for alcohol. I am soooo happy that you are ok. My decision to be sober was because I wanted my child have a mother and not do what I do(drinking). So glad that you value your kids and your life You can do it with ALL the support here !!!!!!!
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Old 04-22-2011, 12:11 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Glad your OK, welcome to SR.
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Old 04-22-2011, 12:18 PM   #12 (permalink)
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That is a heavy wake up call! OMG! Glad you're here and had the courage to share. You'll have a new appreciation for meetings now and life for that matter! Congrats and welcome
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Old 04-22-2011, 12:19 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Welcome, newwings! Thanks for sharing your story.
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Old 04-22-2011, 12:25 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR, newwings. I'm glad you are here and sharing. Jomey
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Old 04-22-2011, 05:30 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Thanks for sharing newwings. Welcome to SR.
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Old 04-22-2011, 05:52 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Thank you, everyone. Today's been a good day. I've been feeling alright physically, apart from some horrible night sweats last night and some fairly weird dreams. Headache today and, bizarrely, feeling a bit hungover..(?). But drinking lots of water, eating right, and am very surprised that my energy levels are significantly better.

I have an event tonight which I can't get out of, but I'll be doing what I have been doing for the last few months which is driving there and back. Thank goodness I've never crossed my promise to myself that I would NEVER drink and drive. In fact, my friends all don't know how bad my home drinking was because I'd always be the designated driver on nights out and be the only one sober. Talk about a double life, huh? So I know I'll be fine this evening, and any other night out at bars/dinner/social. In fact, I'd rather be out right now than home, as being at home is where the damage was done. My husband is still opening his bottle of red wine, but I've never felt more reluctant to even go near it. I guess nearly dying is the best aversion therapy there is.....
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Old 04-22-2011, 06:00 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Yes, I know that I came close to dying too. It's almost surreal to think about it, but like you, I used the experience and the fear I felt to propel myself into recovery. And, I lived the double life as well, at least as much as possible. Very few people knew I that I drank as I preferred to drink at home alone. Recovery was like lifting a veil off myself and breathing fresh air. I could be the person I wanted to be. Know that you can do this. I am not an AA person, but I do work actively on my recovery every day.
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Old 04-22-2011, 06:29 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Welcome newwings

I also came close to dying.

However melodramatic it may sound, I really believe I've been given a second chance with my life...and I've tried my best to make everything I can of it since the night of April 5 2007.

I really encourage you to do the same

D
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Old 04-22-2011, 08:40 PM   #19 (permalink)
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I prefer not to be in a room with a lot whiners either... Perhaps try again. Another meeting group? My home group meeting is full of gratitude and people who share their experience strength and hope in the solution.

Keep coming back... The memory of what almost happened with me is not enough enough to keep me sober, and more importantly, to keep me happy. I need something more.

Glad you are here.
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Old 04-22-2011, 09:32 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Glad you did not die from drinking...
That out of body experience was spiritual...IMO

All my best to you your husband and children
Welcome to SR....
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