HootyHoo

This exactly! It took me a long time to finally realize that I needed to change a lot of my surroundings. I had to drop all of my old drinking buddies and stop going to certain places that would trigger me drinking. It was so so hard to do but it was something, for me, that needed to be done in order for me to be and stay sober and honestly was the best decision I have ever made.

underoath

Hey, welcome, I just joined yesterday. It's nice to find another person close to my age here, because I'm 18, but my doc was cocaine. (not that it matters) alcohol was a problem for me too though when it was available. I'm just glad to know I'm not alone in trying to live a life of recovery at my age... it's hard to find people in college (or just around my age) who are serious about staying sober. I don't have much advice about what to do with your boyfriend, but I know that it bothers me when I have to be around my non addicted friends who are drunk or high... So I guess I can understand your frustration. For me I try to avoid them when they are like that, as it only brings on jealousy and disgust, resentments and other unhealthy negative feelings that a recovering addict doesn't need. Anyways, stay strong and good luck, I think you did a good thing by coming on this site, I know after I relapsed yesterday and joined up the people here were very helpful to me. Sometimes people won't understand your recovery, but that's ok don't worry about them, but if it's gonna cause you nothing but trouble then for your sake you need to get away from that. If they truly cared about your sobriety they would understand, but at the same time they might care they just don't understand our disease... oh and to answer your question about is there another way... well there's only one way to really test that and I did it the hard way... but if you want to save yourself more pain and suffering just take others advice... I ended up using again, just because I was feeling good about life and let the obsession rule my thinking as opposed to letting recovery come first. Let's put it this way, it sucked.... nothing changed, except the fact that recovery ruined my high. Also, the thought for me like "I can never have a beer again? not even on my 21st birthday?" was kind of overwhelming, but if you stick with recovery, keep reaching out, you start to understand how much it's worth it. Best of luck, glad to meet you.

flutter

I can't really add to all the wonderful support and guidance you've already received here, but I wanted to welcome you, and I hope you stick around and read, post, chat, whatever helps!

johnson6521

Wow I am so blessed to have found this site and to have got to talk to you all.
I do need to drop my old drinking buddies and I think that's a huge part of my problem. I'm not sure if I have any real friends to support me at this hard time. I feel like they are all my old high school buddies who are still partying. That's fine except that for me to be clean, I will be giving up my social life. That's scary for me. That alone would be a huge part of my life to change.
Last night my mind kept messing with me, telling me all these excuses of why I can handle just a drink or 2 and that I don't need to give it up completely. I realize today, after listening to you all that I am in denial somewhat. My boyfriend says I've done this every time I've tried to quit and it's only led me back to blacking out and being too wild for my own good.
I have my family and him and you people to support me, other than that I'm feeling extremely lonely.

Yes I agree with you who said "not even a drink on my 21st bday??" I feel like that every time I want to quit. I keep thinking "not even 1 beer at the right time and place?"
Have you ever felt like that?

I always go party with great intentions and say to myself that I'm not going to be belligerent this time, I'm going to drink socially and remember it all. Then the next morning I wake up ashamed and not know what happened. I do not want to live like this, it's horrible, so why do I keep thinking I can handle myself NEXT time?? Why do I keep doing the same thing over and over again...

I am still telling myself that quitting is the only way. It is a very hard thing to accept and I dont want to mess my life up over alcohol.

Supercrew

It's kind of funny because I couldn't imagine quitting drinking at 19, and I drank like I was 17 for 27 years, so I didn't think I really had anything to add, but I do.

My wife, who I have been with for over 21 years, basically quit drinking when she was about 18. She was my designated driver for over 20 years. I tried to get her to drink on occassion back in the day and she would say she didn't need it. I used to press her on why she didn't want to drink, and she told me, and has repeated it over and over for the last 20 years, she doesn't like to feel out of control. Now she has not missed a party, a concert, an event at a bar in 20 years, but she has never drank at these places either, and she always dances and enjoys herself....unless she was babysitting me and keeping me out of trouble, in fact she just got back from a Vegas trip with all of her friends yesterday, and didn't drink and had a great time at the bars and the pools.

Her mother was a meth addict, and her father was an alcoholic, and she has been on her own since she was 15, and had a son at 17, but she made the decision, even though all of her friends drink, and me and all my friends drink that she didn't want to feel out of control. One very positive aspect for her not drinking is she looks like she is 25 years old. Her skin stilll looks great and she stays in great shape. In fact she turns 40 next months and can still hold her own in a bikini at any pool in Vegas. So there are positives to not drinking, and the health benefits are amazing.

underoath

Well, for me I ended up "tasting" some moonshine which ended up leading me off to score some coke... (even though I technically relapsed in my mind wayyy before I ever got to the moonshine incident) So it sucks but I just try to focus on the positives of never drinking a beer... just like supercrew was saying about his wife.... for me I just try to ask myself what I'm accomplishing by using and how it will end up... Also if it's too hard for you to think about "for the rest of your life" just think about the next 24 hours, I'm sure someones told you that before, but yeah, don't worry about not having a drink at 21. Just worry about today. Before you know it those days will stack up... and you will have days where you want to drink... where you feel resentful that you can't... but that's when you need to talk about it and get support and advice before you go off and do it because most likely you will come back just frustrated as hell, cause you convince yourself "it will be different this time" but the truth is that doesn't happen with the addicted person. For me, when I relapsed, the only thing different was the fact that I was filled with regret and shame and all I could think about was recovery stuff. Hang in there. Word on the street is it's worth it.

johnson6521

Thank you for posting this. What a strong woman! I admire her and her will power. This was very eye opening to me. I hope I can gain the strength she has had all these years.

soberjohndoe

I was in the same position as you a few years back. I drank in high school, went to college and quit being a normal drinker. My freshman year I started dating a girl that had everything i was looking for in a girlfriend. She often told me that I had to cut down or she was gone. One morning I woke up and she wasn't there, only a letter on my desk telling me she was gone for good. I continued to drink excessively for years, and have never had a relationship last longer than 2 months. If your boyfriend is worth keeping, the choice is pretty clear. Caroline Knapp wrote in Drinking: A Love Story that, “If I am an alcoholic, I shouldn’t drink and if I’m not an alcoholic, I don’t need to. That’s a nice piece of logic. You say: people who aren’t alcoholics do not lie in bed at two-thirty in the morning wondering if they’re alcoholics.” Hope this helps.