Missy7

Day Nine and I've noticed something about my drinking problem.

I get to teach literature and in the middle of a heavy duty, very active lecture I will just have a flash: "You can go out and drink tonight."

It has happened each lecture since Day One, well Day Two, Day One was a Sunday. It's so incongruous. I'll bet it's typical but at that moment I'm really working hard, I'm at the edge of my intellect, and this just slams me. And I'm working so hard I think, yeah, that would be good.

Ideas on how to make that stop happening? I've already stopped assuming a hangover on waking up--a miracle.

Ranger

I can only offer the assurance that sobriety begets sobriety. As you replace drinking habits with non-drinking habits, your thoughts and impulses will come along. Not NEARLY as fast as you'd like, mind you. But, it takes a long time to mentally usurp decades-old habits!

SSIL75

When that would happen to me I'd say to myself "oh - that's an alcoholic thought. I guess that'll happen. Being an alcoholic and all " or something else kind of calming and soothing. Just to let it wash over me. In time, it stopped

eddie73

Yes we can go out and get a drink or we can live the rest of the day sober and let tomorrow take care of itself

Dee74

Thoughts are thoughts - it's not acting on them that counts Missy

D

Opivotal

I dismiss the thought Missy. It's just that alcoholic Monster trying to pull you back. Ignore it and keep up the good work!!

:ghug3

Best Wishes To You

MsCooterBrown

It really is stupid isn't it...it is like a constant argument in your brain in the early days..I still say if you think about your worst hangover..and having to have Phil carry you around because you are too drunk to walk ...whatever it takes. I say this because I have no benefit to go back to drinking. I was turning into a lush from hell..so I attach all my bad memories to drinking. It is the truth. It turned me into a babbling idiot.

StPeteGrad

Hi Missy,
As a fellow scholar of literature I can tell you this - alcoholism doesn't care!

What seems to work best for me is living in the moment - that is, not drinking in the moment and setting the next moment up to be a non-drinking moment.

I also read from this post on this forum - Under the Influence http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html and learned what a real poison it is to me.

I can assure you it will get easier over time. It will be tough at times too... people can and do quit. It takes many tools to build a house - and it takes many tools to gain sobriety.

I chose in-patient treatment followed up with AA but there are many others that have found it other ways too. It's day 63 for me. It's better than day 62 and today is a Monday!

My best to you.
SPG

Missy7

Thanksk guys--especially Cooter. I know it's up to me to get through each day. I know I can't give in. I'm just kind of analytical and I'm so surprised when it sneaks up like that bad shoulder devil in the old cartoons. I was enthralled--teaching women's lit--shifting from Chopin to Woolf--nowhere I would rather be in the world (even if it is tiring) and suddenly there's this voice.

Here's the question. Did this happen before I quit drinking? I have no idea...

Still I have quit drinking. I'm home tonight at 9:25. I've had dinner and a nap. Done some reading. Getting ready to take a book to bed where it's warm and trace the narrative of Mrs. Dalloway.

artsoul

I think we had so many thoughts about alcohol for so long, it's like there are a million little links to it, or maybe it just bubbles to the surface from time to time.

It definite improves though (thank goodness!). I had an urge yesterday and it reminded me of just how annoying they are and how they can throw us off balance. But at least now, when I think about drinking, I usually think "whew..... glad I don't have to do that anymore."

Keep up the good work!

Ranger

In my case, I think it happened. But, since the voice was in charge it created no internal conflict and was therefore quite unremarkable (i.e. forgettable, unnoticeable, etc.).

This speaks to the insanity of the disease. Who in his/her RIGHT mind stops at the grocery store on the way home from work, buys a six-pack, and kills it during the remaining half hour of the commute?? Yet, I did it day after day without the slightest bit of internal turmoil or dilemma. Insanity, I tell ya, insanity!!

frances2011

Good for you!

I heard an NPR show intro yesterday and realized that hearing that music is a trigger to drink. I listen to that show when my husband is out of town, when I'm up too late, and lonely.

Well, I didn't drink and I'm glad for the realization. Thanks for sharing yours!

theatredork

Ack, it's been happening to me at work. But over the past few weeks it has died down to a tiny little thing that flares up every now and then. My doctor encouraged me to "surf the cravings" - notice that they are there, try to objectively observe the way it makes me feel and what makes it come on... because you know that they are temporary and will go away by their very nature. Just keep not drinking and it'll get better.

newby1961

What a miracle 1st being sober 9, 10 11 days and so on.

My head didn't stop messing w/me for well I don't wanna scare anyone lol

What I started doing when I would get those thoughts instead of being in fear of them I would just say when they came up "thanks for sharing" and not give it to much power over me.

I suggest you get the Big Book its called Alcoholics Anonymous there are a few chapters really worth reading. More about Alcoholism and There is a solution. It talks about cravings and the disease concept. I know you can get the link through here somewhere?

I go to AA and have for well a long long time although I only have 7 years next month and even still I will get a thought or two its normal its only got power over you when you try and fight it.

Keep Coming back you'll be okay

crittery

Maybe go out to a nice cafe with some friends and order the most expensive delicious cappuccino? :p Some shortbread would go down nicely with it.

The main thing is, preoccupy yourself with other thoughts - easier said than done, I know. As long as you don't actually do it the desire to drink will dull over time.

Missy7

I do like the "thanks for sharing" concept. I mean, it might be an idea. There are other ideas. Last night I sat at the counter and read the first 25 pages of Mrs. Dalloway, keeping careful track of each change in point of view. For those of you that have read the book, you know I was sober .

When drinking I would get a good idea, sit down, start, drink, and watch the idea devolve.

I am so excited about being able to sustain a thought. About being able to chase down a plan. About accessing the part of my brain that goes to sleep when the easy part takes over.

So, I'm sure it will keep happening, but as promised, it's getting easier to avoid.

I erased all last weekend's drinking buddies' texts this morning. I'll take them out of contacts soon.