Oldie but Newbie "again"
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 281
Oldie but Newbie "again"
Hi all... I'm back and need you all more then ever!
Oct 20 2008 was the first day of my sobriety life... I had been abusing for years prior to this, making horrible decisions as many of us alcoholic / addicts do so I NEEDED to reclaim my life and find out what happiness really was. I was shocked at how strong I was in quiting... SR became my new addiction for months, you all saved me!
DH and I planned on adding onto our family and decided about 9 months into my sobriety we would start trying. To our surprise we go pregnant the first month trying. I was on top of the world... I was sober and now pregnant, I reached 1 year of sobriety and life didn't seem like it could get any better!
Oct 30 I went in for a 12 week Ultra sound and found out the baby had died a few days prior. As I was laying there waiting for the D&C to remove the baby I thought I wanted to drink sooooo bad. I had so much pain that I wanted to go away. Being that my hubby (or anyone else for that matter) never felt as though I had a problem with drinking, I got exactly what I wanted... "if you want to drink honey, you can". Within a week of losing the baby I started out one Friday with having a few classes of wine... next day I obsessively thought about drinking. An emotional relaspe that thankfully I was able to screw my head on right and quit again. November 16 was the first day of my sobriety... again.
A few months later I became pregnant again... and again had a miscarriage this time found out at 8 weeks along. I mourned the proper way and did not pick up a drink for that emotional comfort. Through loss made my marriage soo soo strong, that was the positive that came through that experience
Apparently I am a fertile mertile cause I became pregnant again very quickly and this one was a keeper.. YAY!!
Months into the pregnancy my alcoholic brain started thinking "I've changed so much and became so much stronger. I did what I had to at the time I quit, but I could handle it now!" My baby girl was born a few days after Christmas... what a blessing she was and is! The doctor suggested in the hospital to have beer to help my breast milk come in... I was intrigued. So you know where this is going now, right? Within weeks I was drinking... started off slow, I didn't have a problem, right? It gradually got worse and I began drinking more and more...
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?? Duh I don't trust myself when I drink... I don't know what I'm gonna do or say... I could easily embarrass myself or family!
The last time I had a drink was March 27. I tested out the emotional relaspe, I tested the "i'm stronger" relapse! No more "testing" is necessary... I AM AN ALCOHOLIC as much as I hate that i'm not 'normal' I have to accept it and move on.
I'm much happier sober... so why is it harder this time?? So here I am again... needing your support!!!!
Sorry for the novel!
Oct 20 2008 was the first day of my sobriety life... I had been abusing for years prior to this, making horrible decisions as many of us alcoholic / addicts do so I NEEDED to reclaim my life and find out what happiness really was. I was shocked at how strong I was in quiting... SR became my new addiction for months, you all saved me!
DH and I planned on adding onto our family and decided about 9 months into my sobriety we would start trying. To our surprise we go pregnant the first month trying. I was on top of the world... I was sober and now pregnant, I reached 1 year of sobriety and life didn't seem like it could get any better!
Oct 30 I went in for a 12 week Ultra sound and found out the baby had died a few days prior. As I was laying there waiting for the D&C to remove the baby I thought I wanted to drink sooooo bad. I had so much pain that I wanted to go away. Being that my hubby (or anyone else for that matter) never felt as though I had a problem with drinking, I got exactly what I wanted... "if you want to drink honey, you can". Within a week of losing the baby I started out one Friday with having a few classes of wine... next day I obsessively thought about drinking. An emotional relaspe that thankfully I was able to screw my head on right and quit again. November 16 was the first day of my sobriety... again.
A few months later I became pregnant again... and again had a miscarriage this time found out at 8 weeks along. I mourned the proper way and did not pick up a drink for that emotional comfort. Through loss made my marriage soo soo strong, that was the positive that came through that experience
Apparently I am a fertile mertile cause I became pregnant again very quickly and this one was a keeper.. YAY!!
Months into the pregnancy my alcoholic brain started thinking "I've changed so much and became so much stronger. I did what I had to at the time I quit, but I could handle it now!" My baby girl was born a few days after Christmas... what a blessing she was and is! The doctor suggested in the hospital to have beer to help my breast milk come in... I was intrigued. So you know where this is going now, right? Within weeks I was drinking... started off slow, I didn't have a problem, right? It gradually got worse and I began drinking more and more... WHAT ARE YOU DOING?? Duh I don't trust myself when I drink... I don't know what I'm gonna do or say... I could easily embarrass myself or family!
The last time I had a drink was March 27. I tested out the emotional relaspe, I tested the "i'm stronger" relapse! No more "testing" is necessary... I AM AN ALCOHOLIC as much as I hate that i'm not 'normal' I have to accept it and move on.
I'm much happier sober... so why is it harder this time?? So here I am again... needing your support!!!!
Sorry for the novel!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
My baby girl was born a few days after Christmas...
Congratulations on the birth of your baby girl.
I, too, was born a few days after Christmas...the 28th! Bad birthday -smack dab in the middle of Christmas and New Years. LOL
Sounds like you've been through a lot and I hope this time around finds you constistantly sober -all the time. Glad you could come back here.
Congratulations on the birth of your baby girl.
I, too, was born a few days after Christmas...the 28th! Bad birthday -smack dab in the middle of Christmas and New Years. LOL
Sounds like you've been through a lot and I hope this time around finds you constistantly sober -all the time. Glad you could come back here.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 281
That's my Daughters birthday too!! We were thinking of possibly doing a half birthday party for her in the summer... since she is SO close to Christmas, we didn't want her to get gyped.. haha
We were thinking of possibly doing a half birthday party for her in the summer... since she is SO close to Christmas, we didn't want her to get gyped.. haha Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
Yay! Another capricorn...independant stubborn creative people we are! LOL
There are so many more options for birthdays now a days. Some can be rather expensive. I saw a show on that. Yikes -what some parents will do and spend!
I only had dinosuar rides and I was happy with that! *wink*
There are so many more options for birthdays now a days. Some can be rather expensive. I saw a show on that. Yikes -what some parents will do and spend!
I only had dinosuar rides and I was happy with that! *wink*
Snarf Snarf
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: ATL
Posts: 835
I'm sorry for all the pain you had to go through. I certainly don't know how I would handle that. But I'm very happy for the birth of your baby girl, and happy that you're back here.
I decided a while ago that I don't need to test my alcoholism; I just need to accept it. I figure if I can have a great life, and I can do everything that I want to do except drink alcohol, that's a pretty fair trade-off. No alcohol = happy life, Alcohol = struggle and destruction. When I think about things in those terms, it's not so difficult to say "NO!" to it.
Welcome back! I'm very glad you're here.
I decided a while ago that I don't need to test my alcoholism; I just need to accept it. I figure if I can have a great life, and I can do everything that I want to do except drink alcohol, that's a pretty fair trade-off. No alcohol = happy life, Alcohol = struggle and destruction. When I think about things in those terms, it's not so difficult to say "NO!" to it.
Welcome back! I'm very glad you're here.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Congrats for getting sober again - I did the same thing you did (twice!). I had a few years of sobriety each time and figured I was stronger, understood myself better, had gone through the tough times, and now I could just enjoy it socially or occasionally.
It progressed slowly and once the obsession set in, so did the misery and the hangovers. Then it started taking my sanity and joy.
I'm so glad you're doing this for yourself and your family. Those little ones take a lot of energy and you're giving your daughter the best present in the world by being sober.
See you around the forum!
It progressed slowly and once the obsession set in, so did the misery and the hangovers. Then it started taking my sanity and joy.
I'm so glad you're doing this for yourself and your family. Those little ones take a lot of energy and you're giving your daughter the best present in the world by being sober.
See you around the forum!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 3,413
Glad you made it back here Shan and congratulations on your daughter. So happy you decided to get your life back on track.
I, too, had two losses... and one like yourself, baby had died and they didn't detect it right away and a D & C was need. Just a real tough time... sending so many hugs and thoughts. I still think about it today -- it does hurt.
I look forward to getting to know you.
I, too, had two losses... and one like yourself, baby had died and they didn't detect it right away and a D & C was need. Just a real tough time... sending so many hugs and thoughts. I still think about it today -- it does hurt.
I look forward to getting to know you.
Sunny Side Up
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Sth Australia
Posts: 3,802
shan I too lost my first baby at 3 months and the second a twin at birth. Its a dark, painful place to be.
I wish you well sweetie, hugs to you and your new baby. Keep cuddling your babe and be strong.
JJ
I wish you well sweetie, hugs to you and your new baby. Keep cuddling your babe and be strong.
JJ
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 331
Thank you Shanman for sharing, I love novels!
Sorry for your losses, I have also miscarried, it is hard but hopefully someone is taking care of them.
I'm an oldie too, and I've been a newbie about 55 times and they still accept me here, you are always welcome. Good luck to you and your sobriety.
Sorry for your losses, I have also miscarried, it is hard but hopefully someone is taking care of them.
I'm an oldie too, and I've been a newbie about 55 times and they still accept me here, you are always welcome. Good luck to you and your sobriety.
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Congratulations!
On your new daughter.
And your new start on sobriety with more learned from your dabbling in the I can control it fallacy. I hope I never do that. I am glad you made it back, both here and to sobriety.
And your new start on sobriety with more learned from your dabbling in the I can control it fallacy. I hope I never do that. I am glad you made it back, both here and to sobriety.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
