Intro and thank you
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 12
Intro and thank you
I'm new to posting and recovery. I am appreciative of this site b/c it helped me to face reality. We all have a problem. Mine happens to be an evening problem after the kids go to bed. Unwinding with one drink every now and then turned into unwinding for several hours and recovering for every hour of the next day. Wash and repeat.
I struggled to acknowledge what a problem I had for a long time. I played the comparison game, convincing myself that an alcohol problem was one that started when you wake up and much more serious than anything I was doing. However, moderation never worked and the 'first day' never made it to double digits (4 different times) b/c it didn't seem like a big deal once I was outside looking back in.
I've finally reached a point where I don't know what I'm fighting to preserve. I don't like drinking all that much in the moment. I hate the way I feel the next day and I hate even more the constant self-loathing and regret. The only thing I miss is feeding the little excited rush of anticipation that always surfaced (and still tries to) at a certain point each evening. But even that is already going away and productivity and happiness is breaking through, albeit slowly.
I struggled to acknowledge what a problem I had for a long time. I played the comparison game, convincing myself that an alcohol problem was one that started when you wake up and much more serious than anything I was doing. However, moderation never worked and the 'first day' never made it to double digits (4 different times) b/c it didn't seem like a big deal once I was outside looking back in.
I've finally reached a point where I don't know what I'm fighting to preserve. I don't like drinking all that much in the moment. I hate the way I feel the next day and I hate even more the constant self-loathing and regret. The only thing I miss is feeding the little excited rush of anticipation that always surfaced (and still tries to) at a certain point each evening. But even that is already going away and productivity and happiness is breaking through, albeit slowly.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,505
Hi and Welcome,
Yeah, it doesn't take long for the enjoyment of a drink at the end of a day to turn into being controlled by the alcohol. It happened very fast for me and once you cross that invisible line, there is no going back.
Yeah, it doesn't take long for the enjoyment of a drink at the end of a day to turn into being controlled by the alcohol. It happened very fast for me and once you cross that invisible line, there is no going back.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 35,731
Welcome Mynxt! You'll find tons of support and information here. SR was a life saver for me when I stopped drinking. I stayed on this site the first week, 24/7. I took it hour by hour the first day. Made it through that one and continued on. Having support is so important!
Best Wishes To You!
Best Wishes To You!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: PA
Posts: 130
off topic but....
((anna))
are those your kitties in your avatar spot??? they are freakin sooo cute!!!! I had a blue point siamese years ago named sammy...she was really my daughters cat. I had to leave her with a really awesome person that i lost due to my drug and alcohol abuse(miss him greatly). I just moved so many times and i realized it wasn't fair to keep moving her with me. As a matter of fact i lost many animals(that i realize now i just obtained for something to love and would love me)over the years when i was in active adiction...sad....but now i live with my daughter and her dad again and they have a big dog named spike he is a german shepard....and a biiig baby
i love him...and even a dog...when i look at him...remind me to stay sober...because he wouldn't be aloud to run rampid during the day without me here he'd be lonely and really he makes me so happy and picks my spirits up when i am down in the dumps and that is a good thing.
thanks
are those your kitties in your avatar spot??? they are freakin sooo cute!!!! I had a blue point siamese years ago named sammy...she was really my daughters cat. I had to leave her with a really awesome person that i lost due to my drug and alcohol abuse(miss him greatly). I just moved so many times and i realized it wasn't fair to keep moving her with me. As a matter of fact i lost many animals(that i realize now i just obtained for something to love and would love me)over the years when i was in active adiction...sad....but now i live with my daughter and her dad again and they have a big dog named spike he is a german shepard....and a biiig baby
i love him...and even a dog...when i look at him...remind me to stay sober...because he wouldn't be aloud to run rampid during the day without me here he'd be lonely and really he makes me so happy and picks my spirits up when i am down in the dumps and that is a good thing.thanks
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
it didn't seem like a big deal once I was outside looking back in.
I always, always wanted just a little more......
Glad you found this forum. Keep hanging in there - it's worth it!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 811
Originally Posted by Mynxt30 
I don't like drinking all that much in the moment. I hate the way I feel the next day and I hate even more the constant self-loathing and regret. The only thing I miss is feeding the little excited rush of anticipation that always surfaced (and still tries to) at a certain point each evening. But even that is already going away and productivity and happiness is breaking through, albeit slowly.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Welcome mynxt30
I remember when my drinking went from enjoyment to chore...like Anna said I crossed a line and couldn't go back.
My life is immeasurably better now without alcohol in it
You'll find a lot of support here - welcome!
D
I remember when my drinking went from enjoyment to chore...like Anna said I crossed a line and couldn't go back.
My life is immeasurably better now without alcohol in it
You'll find a lot of support here - welcome!
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,581
Welcome mynxt...wow, you sound just like me. I was a 'drinks after the kids went to bed' drinker, too. The best part of the day started at 9:00. I've realized now that I almost didn't realize how physically lousy I felt every day, or 5 days a week, whichever. Just became the norm, and I started to get really down. Even drinking didn't make me happy. I'm only 44 days in, but man, I feel better...and all around happier. Glad you're here, SR is full of wonderful, supportive people. A real life saver when you need it.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
