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peek-a-boo..i'm bored:) hello family...just wondering if anyone else is bored on here and wants to chat. Pretty sad...but i only was able to hold on to a couple of friends since i quit drugs and alcohol....i either had to let them go because i partied with them...or lost them due directly to hurting them because i was in active addiction(and i really would lie steal and cheat to get what i wanted. I know i have been posting alot...but it seems to be all i have at this point is this computer and a couple of supporting friends...that have busy lives of their own to tend to. So I am sorry if i seem too pushy....or ramble on and on like i am right now lol....but keeping busy helps me get through urges and helps me forget drug dreams that have been really annoying me lately(they are literally driving me crazier than i already am!!!) I am not ready to go to any meetings yet and don't know if i ever will....so anyways i guess i should go and clean the house...that helps too in a weird way and wait till thurs. when i can talk my therapists ears off....and hopfully by then i will not feel so lonely or bored. thanks for reading have a great day everyone!!!!!:headbange |
Hi Jessie! I pretty much parked in SR the first few months due to loneliness and boredom. It gets better and in the meantime don't feel bad about being here all The time...I sure didn't:) |
Originally Posted by LaFemme
(Post 2938764)
Hi Jessie! I pretty much parked in SR the first few months due to loneliness and boredom. It gets better and in the meantime don't feel bad about being here all The time...I sure didn't:) thanks again!!! :tyou |
I know how you feel, going into my 30s I kicked the drugs (and druggies) out of my life, 5 years later I got sick of hearing the same old drunken rantings of my raging alcoholic friends and kicked them out of my life... I ended up with no friends, no 'steady' job, no self confidence and I just kept on drinking every night and dealing with the pains of withdrawal everyday. Only to find out now many of them have the things listed above, they moved on, but I did not. I often felt as powerless in social gatherings as I am against alcohol, I have always been the lone wolf who makes for easy pickings up against the rival pack mentality. I have generally screwed up friendships with people that I should have been hanging out with and those who could and would have helped me in many ways... aaaaargh! I guess I'm having a bad Monday and need to get some things done around here as well. :headbange |
Originally Posted by Scolova
(Post 2938806)
I know how you feel, going into my 30s I kicked the drugs (and druggies) out of my life, 5 years later I got sick of hearing the same old drunken rantings of my raging alcoholic friends and kicked them out of my life... I ended up with no friends, no 'steady' job, no self confidence and I just kept on drinking every night and dealing with the pains of withdrawal everyday. Only to find out now many of them have the things listed above, they moved on, but I did not. I often felt as powerless in social gatherings as I am against alcohol, I have always been the lone wolf who makes for easy pickings up against the rival pack mentality. I have generally screwed up friendships with people that I should have been hanging out with and those who could and would have helped me in many ways... aaaaargh! I guess I'm having a bad Monday and need to get some things done around here as well. :headbange well i got off the computer long enough to clean half the house....so i guess i am ok...right? hope your monday gets better...and mine as well for that matter. happy monday to all!!! |
I didn't have alot of drinking buddies anyway, since I didn't drink in the bars. So I don't have to worry about cutting the cord. I am used to being home alone. Separated and daughter is 18 slowly flying the nest, 3 boys in other states. I am taking this time alone (which I don't mind) to fully understand who I am as a person. I never lived my life sober long...a week or year here and there. Now I have to face myself and I like it. There is a difference between being alone and feeling lonely. Although I am alone, I am far from lonely. My new friends stem from AA and rehab. All of which are in the same mindset as me. You may want to consider diving into AA if not for recovery reasons just the reason of having a connection with others. People who truly know what its like. OH, I love this site and am here very very often, too -BUT you do need to get OUT of the house. I find that I am looking forward to sitting with my friends. If we aren't talking about past drinking experinces we are talking about doing hair, farmers talk about calving, jobs, kids, etc. It is just an hour out of my comfort zone at home but I find it very rewarding towards my recovery. |
Originally Posted by EmeraldRose
(Post 2938828)
I didn't have alot of drinking buddies anyway, since I didn't drink in the bars. So I don't have to worry about cutting the cord. I am used to being home alone. Separated and daughter is 18 slowly flying the nest, 3 boys in other states. I am taking this time alone (which I don't mind) to fully understand who I am as a person. I never lived my life sober long...a week or year here and there. Now I have to face myself and I like it. There is a difference between being alone and feeling lonely. Although I am alone, I am far from lonely. My new friends stem from AA and rehab. All of which are in the same mindset as me. You may want to consider diving into AA if not for recovery reasons just the reason of having a connection with others. People who truly know what its like. OH, I love this site and am here very very often, too -BUT you do need to get OUT of the house. I find that I am looking forward to sitting with my friends. If we aren't talking about past drinking experinces we are talking about doing hair, farmers talk about calving, jobs, kids, etc. It is just an hour out of my comfort zone at home but I find it very rewarding towards my recovery. thanks for that!!!! I have tried ALL the a's in the past...but obviously i wasn't ready to surrender completely.....I know it was me and not the people at the meetings but i always found a way to screw up....i had the "i'll show them" attitude and didn't like taking direction...so really i have to get to the point that i feel i can even show my face in the rooms from acting like a total ass!!! I know that seems silly to some...but i also have mental disorders(that i self medicated for years) that prevent me from even leaving the house...esp. by myself. I am currently on non narcotic non benzo meds for my bipolar and severe depression but i still have some major issues to tackle sober...and being in crowds or closed door rooms are just a couple of my problems....i am honest today with all doctors and my weekly therapist and hopfully i will have the courage to face those demons...hey...i quit shooting drugs and drinking alcohol right? so i know i can tackle these other deterents as well.... thanks again!!!! i read everything all advice...esp. yours!!! |
I have a lot of trouble being alone and quiet. I have been surrounded by people all my life (family then children) and now that I really might spend some time alone, I tend to get in trouble. For instance, over Christmas break I simply drank a bottle of wine and watched movies on TV each day. I need to be very wary of that as summer is coming. I'm excited about working less for a while (I do teach one class and manage a department over the summer), but I have lots of free time to fill. I plan to quilt. I'm really happy when I'm making something. In fact, last night when it got tough I started ironing fabric! |
Hey! Don't feel bad for starting the thread :) I love reading your posts/replies. I'd love to chat but unfortunately I cannot get into the chat room for some reason. I have no friends IRL, even when I was using...I don't tend to get along with most people for one reason or another. I find it hard to make friends, to find another on the same wavelength as I am. I've always been a loner, but sometimes it does get to me. It's too bad that all my friends online never live close by. Anyways, I'm on here a lot and other social networks, like FB and such. So if you ever want to talk, you can feel free to message me! Keep yourself busy, get out of the house...go for a walk, clean...listen to music. Don't let that boredom lead to bad things. I keep myself real busy with my daughter and the non stop cleaning. Keeps my mind off of things for sure. Trying to clean with a hyperactive toddler is like trying to shovel the driveway when the snow is still coming down!! lol Anyways, enough rambling on my part. Take care and keep posting :D -Jess |
Originally Posted by iliveforyou
(Post 2938868)
Hey! Don't feel bad for starting the thread :) I love reading your posts/replies. I'd love to chat but unfortunately I cannot get into the chat room for some reason. I have no friends IRL, even when I was using...I don't tend to get along with most people for one reason or another. I find it hard to make friends, to find another on the same wavelength as I am. I've always been a loner, but sometimes it does get to me. It's too bad that all my friends online never live close by. Anyways, I'm on here a lot and other social networks, like FB and such. So if you ever want to talk, you can feel free to message me! Keep yourself busy, get out of the house...go for a walk, clean...listen to music. Don't let that boredom lead to bad things. I keep myself real busy with my daughter and the non stop cleaning. Keeps my mind off of things for sure. Trying to clean with a hyperactive toddler is like trying to shovel the driveway when the snow is still coming down!! lol Anyways, enough rambling on my part. Take care and keep posting :D -Jess thanks again i enjoy your insight!!! |
CLeaning is actually a great way to not only occupy yourself but make you feel good in general. When I drank I didn't clean and my house was awful. It was depressing just to look around...ugh! Now I sometimes just like looking around my home and smile because it is so nice now:) I've also done a few sewing projects, but as I get further and further into sobriety I have a fuller and fuller life, there are no longer enough hours in a day. |
Hang in there. I am on day 16? 15 or 16. I can't remember now. Just got off the Oxy ride. Now that the physical withdrawls are gone, I find myself going freaking nuts. Constant headache, can't sleep, mind constantly racing and never about anything good. Bored to death, yet no energy to do much. I have been forcing myself to get out and hike in the mountains everyday just to pass some time. Today I think I'm just going to sit on my tail and watch T.V. I'm going back home on Sat. and then the real test will begin. I'm not looking forward to having to deal with the usual day to day b.s. I want to go home and have somebody to take care of me, and concentrate on myself, howver I'm going back home to my disabled wife, dogs, house, etc. so that just isn't going to happen. Right now I want to just "Stop the world I want to get off" but unfortunately it just doesn't work like that. So, I guess I just have to keep my head up and plow through it. Yikes, now I am the one that's rambling. Oh well, just hang it there and hopefully we'll get through it all. Hope your day gets better. |
well i am here if you ever want to talk....i can "mommy" ya over the computer? lol...at the very least...i can be your friend and support you...and you me i hope:) |
Harley, glad to hear you are doing well and heading home soon. Awesome. :c011: Luckily, I am at the point where when I clean it stays clean. I've been waiting 29 years for this. LOL Now I have to learn how to 'clean deeper'. Not only in the house but with my sould. But also trying to learn a new appreciation for relaxing...for not feeling like I have to be doing something all the time to prove anything to anyone that I can be functional. I am learning it is ok to sit and watch a movie or two on a Sunday afternoon without thinking I have to be doing something productive. Its hard sometimes. I'm sorry you have to deal with mental illness' that keep you hindered in recovery. That too shall pass and hopefully soon it will ALL come together as it should. I find that even on a day to day basis life seals itself. I learn, I grow and seams are growing permanently as so I don't have to unravel it again. If you want to regain the strength to resume AA all you have to do is go (not necessarily alone) and swallow your pride. Not easy, I know, but I notice the more I swallow my pride the more of my idiosyncrasies are more commonplace than expected. They are all feelings that need to be addressed. |
Uhg, I want my mom. Feed me some chicken soup, please mommy. Ha,ha. I am going stir crazy out here. On one hand I want to go home to my bikes, Jeep, dogs, stuff to do and tinker with to occupy my mind. On the other hand, I go home to a pharmacy courtesy of my wife. Will I be able to resist the temptation to pop a couple oxys to get a little reprieve from feeling empty inside? Only time will tell. I'd like to think I'm bullheaded enough to leave them alone, but then again, I am in a fragile state of mind. So, it continues. Yikes I'm all over the place today. One minute I'm up and moving around, the next I'm winded and on the couch. WHen will it all end and I can go back to feeling "Normal"? I don't know, but I wish it would happen soon. As for now, it's just head down and plow through the day. I'm 42 and too old for this nonesense. |
HAHAHA you so funny...feels good to smile a cheeky smile again for sure....and i was just at that moment thinking to myself.....i have annoyed my new online"family" with all my posts.....just my paranoia getting the best of me i am sure....for the most part that is...and for the other part that isn't oh well!!! you can't please em all so.....i will continue posting the truth whether it hurts or not...because I am TAKING charge of my recovery this time.....because it is my life and family's life at stake...and if i can help another addict that needs support great!!! But rember that i am just a person with a problem looking for the solution to that problem...which explains all the posts where i feel now that i have divuldged too much of the truth....if so sorry to readers...it is just that i haven't been able to express the truth before this and my brain is still in termoil and sometimes i feel i just want this so badly that i am over honest about some stuff and make people uncomfortable. sorry but i am still so mixed up and confused and in need of serious help myself but...i am still here to listen...just maybe not so much typing:gaah |
Originally Posted by jessiecat777
(Post 2939049)
but i am still so mixed up and confused and in need of serious help myself but...i am still here to listen...just maybe not so much typing:gaah |
well i have decided this is my last post for awhile....i will still be here to read all the posts(as i have since i started this new obsession) but i am taking advice and starting to blog...never blogged before but obviously i am too mixed up right now to help anyone even myself....something that started as just looking for support and friends...turned out to be a whole new obsession...so worried what everyone is thinking about me instead of dealing with what causes my problems...i thank you all for bareing with me on here and i am sorry if i was an idiot at times...just battling hard with MY OWN demons and i am hoping that the blog thing with help...plus calling the docs. because i feel like crap good luck to you all...and may God be with us all in our own recovery :thanks |
Blogging is a terrific idea!! I am going to be getting back into mine soon :) I also write poetry and intially I was gonna put all of it out there on a blog but decided against it and now am compiling all of it to create an ebook I can publish thru Amazon :) A big dream of mine to get my writing published. Anyways, good luck with the blog! |
Jessie? You are worried about being an idiot at times and being judged by . . . a bunch of alcoholics?:herewego Oh sorry, want some popcorn? In my first few weeks of sobriety I was a wreck and couldn't keep two thoughts in my head. Let alone express them clearly without being over the top. I am grateful for you! If you are reading this you are part of the reason I am sober and getting my life back. Newcomer trying, or ten years sober, the power of worldwide support saying that they "got my back," well just contemplate that for a moments meditation. |
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