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-   -   Day 4----my story (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/newcomers-recovery/224796-day-4-my-story.html)

chelle2u 04-15-2011 08:07 PM

Day 4----my story
 
Hello all
I have decided to give myself a birthday gift. I will be 40 yrs old on tuesday! I will try to wrap my story up without dragging on and on. In my 20s I married a man who was a full blown alcoholic (would've thought I learned) HA
He was inpatient 3 times and out once. He was highly functioning until he lost his wife, 2 kids, and job forced him into treatment. Fast forward to the end of my 20's and my divorce. I was 29, newly single, kind of lost, but had many single friends who were quick to show me what I had been missing, I had A LOT of fun. I was going out having fun, we were hot single 30 somethings acting like we were 20......anyway......after a couple of years having fun I met a man when I was 34 and he was 46. We fell in love. He is a professional, hard working man. We had a great courting. We would drink, but he wasn't a big party guy and I liked that. I truly always liked being a wife and mother.....anyway, we would have wine during the week (after all he is italian and that's what Italians do) which over time progressed to a couple if cocktails at home then a small bottle of wine with dinnner. Then we moved to a rural area......we dont go out. We stay in. We drink. Over the past couple of years it has gone from a couple to 3-4 for me and 6-10 for him , then wine with dinner....Yikes.
Two years ago I had my 1st panic attack. Went to Urgent Care and they said you are having a panic attack.....I thought they were crazy. I am a strong confident successful woman......I dont panic!!! Boy, was I wrong.......over the past year I have been caught in this crazy circle of self medicating.......I knew even back then it HAD to be related to the alcohol/hangover/withdrawals......Last week I had another one soooo bad I could not eat without feeling like I was choking.......long and short of it. My last drink was Monday at 9:30
The last few days sucked. I have no desire to drink. I DO NOT want to ever feel that anxiety again.
I was worried about tonight. Kids are gone. Fridays & Sat are my husband and my nights to "live" up out here in the country. He is on his 3rd or 4th and I am SOBER.......I think he is having a harder time with me not drinking than I am.......I think he likes me to drink as to deflect his own......Anyway....that's my story!

Dee74 04-15-2011 08:18 PM

Welcome to SR Chelle :)

I suffer from anxiety too but it's a whole lot better since I quit drinking.
I hope it will be that way for you too.

I know you'll find a lot of support here :)

D

Missy7 04-15-2011 08:19 PM

You and I are doing the same thing! My husband is my drinking buddy and we live way, way out in the country. We do drive into a local bar but he expects me to be his partner. I'm afraid if I don't he'll think about someone more fun.

Maybe you could go out somewhere. I know it sounds scary but then he can drink and have fun, you can not drink and pretend to have fun. And you can drive home.

We should talk.

I even used to do the choking panic thing. And I'm a strong gal. I did the "I can't breathe thing" until they took blood gasses. That's a cure for that.

LaFemme 04-15-2011 08:21 PM

Welcome to SR! Congrats on day 4:)

Auggie 04-16-2011 07:28 AM

Congratulations on 4 days!!!!! And welcome to SR.:welcome
You will find a lot of support here.

EmeraldRose 04-16-2011 07:50 AM

Congratulations on day 4 and welcome. :welcome

sezegg 04-16-2011 08:22 AM

Missy,Chelle, I totally relate to your stories, my last panic attack i couldn't eat either it was awful! the way i coped was to have another drink and guess where that took me!

Missy7 04-16-2011 08:27 AM

Yeah--it's my last panic attack that shook me into pursuing sobriety. One night two weeks ago I woke up with my heart racing. Again, I live way out in the country so I need to make good decisions. It just pounded and pounded and pounded. I called my cardiologist in the morning (I have a very minor pvc problem that is medicated into non-existence) and then I realized it was probably the alcohol. So it's gone.

chelle2u 04-16-2011 08:28 AM

It is not suprising that a huge percentage of people who self medicate with alcohol suffer from some sort of mental issue. I used to have a friend who couldn't walk into a grocery store without having a major panic attack, I thought she was crazy........Now I get it!!
It is funny to me as well, I am very ANTI DRUG, the Dr wanted to give me Xanex, I refused as I have heard how addicting it is......But I was OK with using a few cocktails to calm my nerves.......
Hang in there!

Missy7 04-16-2011 08:34 AM

Oh I love Xanax. No wonder, huh? But I've only ever had it to fly. Dr. gives me one per take off. That I will have to keep doing. But what it has done is turn flying into a positive experience. If not for that, I couldn't travel.

But I also can't ride elevators (I walk five floors and less, panic through more), could not cross bridges a few years ago, and I cannot feed my grandchildren solid food because of my tremendous fear of choking. I have them tonight. I will take them out for Vietnamese noodle soup. I happens to be my favorite and they can splash and suck down noodles like I wasn't a freak...then ice cream.

Hang in there. You are doing the right thing. You know you are. Do it for yourself, your grandchild, your daughter. I wish I was going to a volleyball tournament. My daughter played soccer all the way through college. She has two NCAA championship goals (I nearly peed my pants when she got the first one--was I hungover? Was I?) and now she coaches a high level club team and her old high school team.

Sports and girls. What a way to build strength.

sezegg 04-16-2011 08:45 AM

yeah its just nice not to feel alone with those awful symptoms. My doctor prescribed me citalopram, its probably something like xanax and it does help, but not as much as getting drunk does. Thing is I don't enjoy that any more because ill spend all evening worrying about the next day!

jessiecat777 04-16-2011 09:14 AM


Originally Posted by sezegg (Post 2936868)
yeah its just nice not to feel alone with those awful symptoms. My doctor prescribed me citalopram, its probably something like xanax and it does help, but not as much as getting drunk does. Thing is I don't enjoy that any more because ill spend all evening worrying about the next day!

hello...i take citalopram...it is generic for celexa and is an antidepressant...works well for me:)


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