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Old 04-15-2011, 04:38 AM   #1 (permalink)

Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: New York
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1st day Sober.

This is my first post and I don't know if anyone is going to read this but today I am going to try to not use coke for the first time in months. I started AA 2 weeks ago and haven't had a drink since but I cannot over come the overwhelming urge to sniff coke. I've done a pretty good job of hiding my coke addiction but I can no longer look in the mirror and continue to lie to myself and my loved ones. The long journey to recovery starts today.
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Old 04-15-2011, 05:00 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Hi Piper

Welcome to SR

I know nothing about coke, but I know you'll find support here.
You might also find our substance abuse forum of some use too:

Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

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Old 04-15-2011, 05:51 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Hi Piper,
Don't know anything about coke either, but I lived in New York for 10yrs!
There might be a bit of coke around there alright.
I do know about drink though and I know that if you are doing one thing, your defenses are down and you will do the other if it is around.
People, places and things. That is it for the moment. Stay away from the temptation, otherwise you don't have a hope.
Your friends will either understand or they won't, doesn't matter. Look after you. Welcome here to SR. It is a great spot. Read, read, read.
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Old 04-15-2011, 06:00 AM   #4 (permalink)
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My hat off to you! Alcohol was hard enough for me. I couldnt imagine the other too. You'll be happier sober. Just work at it my friend! Look for a face to face support group and come on here as much as you can! good luck!
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Old 04-15-2011, 06:49 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Welcome Piper - glad you're here and glad that you've decided to get your life back. Keep hanging in there, one day at a time.... and come here often for support - it's been a life saver for me.....
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Old 04-15-2011, 09:46 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Hi Piper, congrats on your resolution to get sober from drugs and alcohol.

I used coke throughout my drinking career but it was a drug of choice for me, whereas alcohol was my drug of no choice (I had no control over alcohol).

One thing that was taught to me was the importance of knowing whether I was an alcoholic and a hard drug user (as it turned out to be since I left the drugs behind some years ago), a drug addict and hard drinker (whereas I could leave alcohol alone if I wanted to) or a drug addict and an alcoholic.

If you find yourself in either of the last two categories you may want to consider checking out NA as well since there is a vital part connection that may be missing while working with another (typically called a sponsor) and discussing how this addiction affects you. For me, given that I'm not powerless over drugs I would not sponsor somebody who was an addict on more than a temporary basis since he would never be able to understand how at some point I just simply 'walked away' from the drugs. Same as me, if my sponsor was a drug addict but a hard drinker there would have been no way for me to relate to him about my alcoholism since he would have been able to just simply 'walk away' from alcohol given a sufficient reason. That common bond, so I think, is critically essential to the programs. I know many people that are in both programs!

Just some thoughts about things that were taught to me when I came to AA, consider them if you like!

And welcome to SR!!!

Ps. Just because coke etc. are not my drug of no choice does not mean I can use them since once I do they will inevitably lead me back to my drug of no choice.
"Doubt is not the opposite of faith; it is one element of faith."
Paul Tillich
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Old 04-15-2011, 09:52 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR. What you are doing is very difficult. I was originally more of a white powder user and I found that quitting was about having a very good reason. What's your good reason? I also spend my entire life dealing with writing and I believe deeply that we believe what we write. So write down your reasons. When you want to do a line, write down why. But before you decide--answer that with why you shouldn't. For me it's day six quitting alcohol. My friends will go out tonight. I will not. It will be sad. Here is my practice:

I would like to go to the bar and have a drink and laugh with every.
Why not? Because I need to feel good tomorrow to visit my grandchildren.

I would like to have a glass of red wine and let it wash over me.
Why not? Because I know full well I cannot stop at one.

Write here and never assume no one will answer. They will. It's amazing.
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Old 04-15-2011, 05:26 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Welcome to the family.
I'd rather live in my car with my dogs than live in a castle without them.

Dogs may not be our whole lives, but they make our lives whole.

Don't wait for the Last Judgement. It takes place every day. -Albert Camus

Find the good and praise it. - Alex Haley

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Old 04-15-2011, 05:41 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Welcome, Piper!
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

Marianne Williamson
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Old 04-15-2011, 05:47 PM   #10 (permalink)

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Hello and you go on with your bad self...lol you can do it...yes you can!!!! sorry i love those silly adam sandler movies...and it feels nice to be silly and sober....and be able to remember it.....i am here if ya ever need me
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Old 04-15-2011, 10:56 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Hi Piper. Congratulations on your decision to stop the coke.
I always drank but had a brief love affair with coke probably about 25 years ago. Oh it was fun for awhile. Then it was necessary...then it was scary. I did too much and remember 'running' in the garage to burn off some energy. I think back now that I was lucky I didn't have a heart attack. Sometimes I can't believe the stupid things I've done. LOL And still here to tell about it. Must be destiny.
Wishing you the best.
Sometimes you have to kind of die inside in order to rise from your own ashes and believe in yourself and love yourself to become a new person. ~ Gerard Way

Many things can be preserved in alcohol. DIGNITY is not one of them.
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Old 04-16-2011, 02:26 AM   #12 (permalink)

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Hey Piper - welcome. I used to have a fairly intense relationship with cocaine; started by doing the occasional line when I was a kid of about 14 in nyc, and swiftly worked my way up to a 1-2 gram a day habit. For years, I kept it hidden and somehow managed to support the need & cover my tracks, but eventually it all caught up to me. My life became pure chaos and I suddenly started waking up in hospitals and ambulances with the sort of heart disturbances common with the elderly. Took 2 turns in inpatient rehab to break me free of it, and I remember one of the oddest things about the first year without cocaine was just how unbelievably gray and bleak the world looked, as tho it was being viewed through filmy goggles. Once that lifted, and it did within a few months, it was amazing how much brighter everything became. Barring a slip or two, I've kept my distance from coke for over a decade now, tho I basically replaced it with booze (like an idiot), and that's now taken just as dramatic a toll.

It's not an easy one to shake, but it's so very worth it. Best of luck to you.
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