What Fresh Hell Is This?
Grievous Angel
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: The Old Line State
Posts: 53
What Fresh Hell Is This?
I could tell the second the mood changed. I am at a wedding, not just any wedding, it's at The Cathedral of Saint John The Divine, and afterwards we board luxury coaches for a reception at one of the most exclusive Inns in New York. There is an open bar, two bands, an ocean of champagne and oysters. Every few minutes a server goes by with another tray of glasses or caviar on toast points.
I am with an old friend and lover as my date; we see each other every few months. He loves me, and always has, but is too wise to make anything permanent. Still, there is an undeniable attraction. I am seated at a table with a group of younger people, most in their 20's or 30's. It's the single person's table at the wedding.
I am in high gear, and very funny. The whole table is in stitches. I'm at the peak, just drunk enough to be dazzling, but not so drunk as to lose my timing.
This come later, after dancing, something that I used to be better at. Funny how that can slip away.
I can pinpoint the second the mood shifted. I am obviously here with a date, but I am flirting outrageously with the man next to me. He's laughing so hard he is breathless. I say something that provokes the table into another a fit of laughter, but also a slight shift of the eyes, and awkward smiles. It's funny, but it's over the top. As soon as it's out, I can tell. My date gives me a weary smile, he's been here before with me.
I excuse myself, and instead of going to the power room, I go to the front desk, and book a room for more money than I have ever spent on a hotel in my life. I go to the room, and lie down. When I open my eyes, the room is spinning. I keep one eye open and one foot on the floor.
When I wake up, it is early morning, and I am mad with thirst. After a gallon of ice water, I dial my messages. He is a kind man, as and i said, he has always loved me. His voice is not angry, but concerned. He doesn't need to now what happened, he does want to know if I am OK.
I call his home and tell his sleepy voice I'm OK, and that we'll talk later.
I once did him a tremendous favor that pretty much launched his career. He has never forgotten this, and has always been there for me, no matter what. He waited for me, until he could wait no longer, then moved into a sensible marriage with a sensible girl that lasted about ten years. I wonder what might have been had I chosen to walk down the path with him instead of the one that I did, lined as it was with parties, often riotous living and fearsome highs and lows.
I thank god he is still in my life, and does not judge me.
-GA
I am with an old friend and lover as my date; we see each other every few months. He loves me, and always has, but is too wise to make anything permanent. Still, there is an undeniable attraction. I am seated at a table with a group of younger people, most in their 20's or 30's. It's the single person's table at the wedding.
I am in high gear, and very funny. The whole table is in stitches. I'm at the peak, just drunk enough to be dazzling, but not so drunk as to lose my timing.
This come later, after dancing, something that I used to be better at. Funny how that can slip away.
I can pinpoint the second the mood shifted. I am obviously here with a date, but I am flirting outrageously with the man next to me. He's laughing so hard he is breathless. I say something that provokes the table into another a fit of laughter, but also a slight shift of the eyes, and awkward smiles. It's funny, but it's over the top. As soon as it's out, I can tell. My date gives me a weary smile, he's been here before with me.
I excuse myself, and instead of going to the power room, I go to the front desk, and book a room for more money than I have ever spent on a hotel in my life. I go to the room, and lie down. When I open my eyes, the room is spinning. I keep one eye open and one foot on the floor.
When I wake up, it is early morning, and I am mad with thirst. After a gallon of ice water, I dial my messages. He is a kind man, as and i said, he has always loved me. His voice is not angry, but concerned. He doesn't need to now what happened, he does want to know if I am OK.
I call his home and tell his sleepy voice I'm OK, and that we'll talk later.
I once did him a tremendous favor that pretty much launched his career. He has never forgotten this, and has always been there for me, no matter what. He waited for me, until he could wait no longer, then moved into a sensible marriage with a sensible girl that lasted about ten years. I wonder what might have been had I chosen to walk down the path with him instead of the one that I did, lined as it was with parties, often riotous living and fearsome highs and lows.
I thank god he is still in my life, and does not judge me.
-GA
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Silicon Valley, USA
Posts: 7
Hi Angel -
Sorry to hear about that. What's important is that you made it through.
One thing to think about is that this is the problem with folks like us: Despite our best efforts to control our drinking, we can easily slide off of that far edge. Unfortunately for folks like us is that we're in that "one drink is too many" stage. Others like to ask "can't you just drink in moderation and not get drunk?" No, we can't.
The key, then is to not take the first drink - as much as that sucks to hear, that's what it is. You'll get there, though.
Take care.
Sorry to hear about that. What's important is that you made it through.
One thing to think about is that this is the problem with folks like us: Despite our best efforts to control our drinking, we can easily slide off of that far edge. Unfortunately for folks like us is that we're in that "one drink is too many" stage. Others like to ask "can't you just drink in moderation and not get drunk?" No, we can't.
The key, then is to not take the first drink - as much as that sucks to hear, that's what it is. You'll get there, though.
Take care.
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