KarenElaine

I'm glad I found this thread. Today is my first day sober. I went to a meeting at lunch time. I'm having a hard time. I'm telling myself I overreacted and don't have a real problem with alcohol and wanting to go get some now! Reading this helped. I'm going to go lie down for a bit and then eat something and then go find another meeting.
Thanks for all of you sharing about this.

ItWillBeWorthIt

I think that moderation for an alcoholic or someone with a drinking problem is torture.

There has been many times I have tried and it was enough to drive me nuts. I am SO glad, I don't have to decide how many drinks I can and can't have this week. It is just easy for me -- none.

But, you are the only one that can decide where you can or not. It is all about acceptance and I have accepted I don't have control over alcohol, if I pick up it will have control of me and wreck my world.

Just happy that I got to the point of acceptance before I destroyed my health and relationship. I count my blessings everyday for this.

I wish you the very best in your journey -- stick around SR, there are great people here to help you.

BoozeFree

I had to really accept I am an alcoholic and remind myself that everytime I drink it never is just one or two bc once I start drinking I don't want to stop till I pass out.

Zebra1275

I keep going back and forth between wanting to quit completely and thinking I can drink in moderation. I am a weekend drinker, but drink to definite excess when I do drink, probably 75% of the time I black out. During the week, I don't even think about alcohol. So I'm wondering how you convinced yourself that you indeed needed to abstain completely as opposed to trying to drink in moderation.

I finally figured out that I'm an alcoholic after a few decades of research. But I've never blacked out. If you are blacking out 75% of the time you are way ahead of me in the progression of this disease.

If you keep drinking I expect your weekends will get longer. Most of my weekends lasted 7 days.

joboo

If you could find the answer to this I would love to know - no snark intended - seriously I wish there was a pill for us. But there isn't. You sound a lot like me. Sucks... But, we have to be above this.

recycle

You already know. When it is just sober you and you close you eyes in a quiet place and ask yourself "Do I have a drinking problem?" you know.

Oh and by the way, people who don't have a drinking problem, never have to ask themselves this question.

The sooner you listen the sooner it gets better. From my personal experience, I kept asking that question and not listening to the answer for decades. I went from a guy that drank too much, to a drunk. I have found that abstinence is so much easier than moderation it is not even funny.

Welcome to SR, I hope you find your answer.

stillnotdrinkin

I think we all have to take our swings at trying to moderate our drinking, failing and trying again. The thicker, more stubborn of us have to get our asses kicked trying many many many times before we finally learn. Unfortunately for me there is no better learning than learning the hard way and no better learning the hard way than learning the hard way ten or twenty times. I have always felt pretty confident in my attempts to achieve my goals and one goal that I pursued was to CONSISTENTLY moderate my drinking. Accent on the consistency because I was always successful some times but eventually like a dog who manages to break free from the short leash he is always tied to, I would get off the moderation leash and go on some terrific and terrifying romps.

Later in life I could tell that my body had become so addicted to alcohol that even short periods without it put me in severe physical stress. I couldn't out think or out will power the incredible physical withdrawal symptoms. The book, Under the Influence does a terrific job in describing how your cells and body change due to the years of alcohol consumption. The book was instrumental in finally convincing me that I cannot ever again drink in moderation.

Larry45

I was going to stat a new topic along these lines, but of course this topic must have been covered a million times before, so I'll just throw in my thoughts here.

IMO genuine recovery would mean that I would have a healthy relationship with alcohol and would be able to have a wine with dinner without having to drink two bottles of it; or have one or two social beers without having to follow that with 12 more beers, 4 shots of tequila and 3 Long Island Ice Teas.

But as many of you have said, this is a personal thing. Most alkies (or reformed alkies) can't drink in moderation, right? 1 drink always leads to 10?

I'm on Day 08 sober now and I simply can't imagine giving up completely. Not because I want to get drunk every time I drink, but because I love the taste of a red wine with a steak, or a refreshing white wine on a hot day, or a nip of Whiskey on a cool night.

At this point I don't know what I'll end up doing, but I hope that I can one day control this demon, not the other way around.

stillnotdrinkin

Ocassionally someone will ask me if I miss having a drink or a beer or two once in a while and depending on who asks I might respond that no I dont miss having a drink or a beer or two, I miss having six or eight. And in the back of my mind when I am saying that, I am really thinking that I miss having twelve or fifteen....then I know that's why I can't have ANY.

stillnotdrinkin

Joe Walsh was a guitarist for James Gang and The Eagles and later did some albums on his own. He was one of the smart ones and only got drunk once and then quit. As he tells it though, the drunk lasted twenty years!

gravity

ob·ses·sion:

1. Compulsive preoccupation with a fixed idea or an unwanted feeling or emotion, often accompanied by symptoms of anxiety.
2. A compulsive, often unreasonable idea or emotion.

The obsession that you can drink like a normal person is wrong. You have proved that. Tell any doctor, psychiatrist, or normal person about your drinking and they will tell you the same thing.

You have to break that obsession otherwise you will likely eventually convince yourself that you can handle alcohol. And the cycle begins again.

I used the 12 steps and counselling to break that obsession. I know others who have used religion/spirituality.

The irony is that once you break the obsession, you realize how pointless the whole pursuit to drink "normally" is. I can't drink. It's really no big deal.

WatchTheSky

I recently came to the realization that I don't want to drink in moderation. I've never known moderation and I've never understood how people manage it. If I'm going to drink, I want to drink. I want large quantities every day. I have tried to moderate. That didn't go so well. But even if I could, I don't think I'd choose moderation. The choice for me is all or nothing.

substance

I agree that moderation would be pure torture if you are an alcoholic. If I only drank once a month my whole month would revolve around that one day that I get to drink. What kind of life is that? I like what reggiewayne said too. You don't have to lose your job or marriage or end up in jail or institution to effect a change. Losing yourself feels awful. I would get so drunk/high I wouldn't be able to enjoy the simple pleasures of watching a movie, reading a book or listening to a friend.

dingding

I went out on Wednesday and watched my friend have three pints of lager. He was drinking so slowly. I knew that if i had a drink with him i would have had about 10. i feel like having 10 pints of lager right now so it has to be zero.

RosieTheRiveter

Crap.

Day 29, late start for Lent. Over the last decade, have had frequent "breaks" of approx. 3 weeks or so, after my efforts at moderation failed miserably, to prove to myself that I did not have a problem. Was really looking forward to wine with Easter dinner, had already decided no more than 2 glasses

Came onto this site yesterday to figure out to deal with my RAH's relapse, again, only one day this time, but I am right back into searching the house, car, yard, all kinds of crazy codie behaviors

Read lots of posts on the "Al-anon" side of this site that I totally related to, felt like I had found a home.

Somehow found myself reading posts over here, and I just cannot deny that I have a problem, that moderation has proved impossible for me, has been for a long time.

I don't want to not ever drink again, I want to have my favorite ethnic adult beverages with my favorite ethnic foods. I want a great glass of red wine with my steak, I want to drink to quell my social anxiety, like at Easter dinner.

I am NOT a happy camper right now. Oh, can't drink when camping, either! Though, in general, I am an all or nothing gal anyway, so I have to decide that this is it. Day 29 and counting. I know for a fact that I never want to have to apologize to my teen for behavior I don't remember, try to piece together the evening before and try not to let on I don't remember, wonder how I got the bruises, check caller ID/redial records on all phones, email, and forums to see if I kept going during a black out, etc.

I have humiliated myself for the last time for my lovers, wine and vodka.

Crap. And on top of that I have to deal with DH.

Rosie

CarolD

Plese read this link....and then order the book...
It convinced me to get and stay sober

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

RosieTheRiveter

Thanks, Carol, that thread is the one that convinced me, blew my mind, actually, plus some others, then getting on this one and having my eyes opened to the moderation game that I have been losing for so many years - well, the abundance of information was more than I could deny away!!!

Rosie
day 30
I won't always count, but for now it is incentive, a reminder, of what I do not want to lose, especially at my next planned drinking occasion, Easter dinner, and maybe for the first few months,

mindfullysober

I tried to drink in moderation before having my last drink three years ago.
Trying to drink in moderation made me angry, miserable and a horrible person to be around.
No joy, no laughter, no fun, no peace.....
Thankfully I have it all back now.
Give me sobriety any day....every day.
You will know when the time is right for you.....

I wish you well.

Francismcan

The battlefield for the spiritual disease of addiction is in the soul. The soul consists of these three aspects: Volitional (will), emotional (feelings) and intellectual (thoughts). If the disease can control your will, feelings and thinking is will dictate and decide your actions. The disease has basically one tool that it uses a thousand different ways: THE BIG LIE!!

The Big Lie is "One wont hurt." Remember it tells you that lie in a thousand different ways.
One method attacks your emotional aspect.
One method attacks your intellectual aspect.
One method attacks your volitional aspect.

Examples of lies to control your will:
"You have enough willpower now that you can control the amount."
"You are strong with the number of days of sobriety you have."
"You can hang out with old friends, and go to bars, your willpower will help you."
"You can stop by the dealers house just once to remind yourself how bad it was."

Examples of lies to control your emotional:
"Your life was really not that bad yet."
"One _____ will make you feel better."
"One _____ will keep you from coing nuts, crazy..."

Examples of lies to control your intellect:
"You know enough now about the disease to be protected."
"You are smart enough to know what will happen."
"Wow!! _____ days, weeks, months of sobriety, you got it beat, licked, cured..."
"You are so smart to have stayed sober _____ days, weeks, months."

JohnBarleycorn

This is the thing right here - people who aren't addicted don't keep getting cravings months afterward !!!

To the OP:

Only short people want to be taller. In similar vain, only abnormal drinkers want to "drink normally."

Something to ponder.

Disclosure - I am not tall. :-)