mystified
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: toronto canada
Posts: 181
mystified
hi im new to this forum.
ive struggled with the drink for 15 yrs.
the roller coaster ride we have been on is insane
been in aa for 6 yrs .know the bb pretty well iv'e even been booked.
but still that strange mental blank spot gets me every time ther's trouble in my life.
done all my 12 steps always had GODin my life ,and yet i still struggle.
i can go months without a drink and be around ppl who drink and it dosn't bother me ,and then wham outta the blue .i figure ive earned the right or i deserve it/i work hard....
then a week of binge drinking and my world is in tatters.
talk about cunning baffling and powerfull
ive struggled with the drink for 15 yrs.
the roller coaster ride we have been on is insane
been in aa for 6 yrs .know the bb pretty well iv'e even been booked.
but still that strange mental blank spot gets me every time ther's trouble in my life.
done all my 12 steps always had GODin my life ,and yet i still struggle.
i can go months without a drink and be around ppl who drink and it dosn't bother me ,and then wham outta the blue .i figure ive earned the right or i deserve it/i work hard....
then a week of binge drinking and my world is in tatters.
talk about cunning baffling and powerfull
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: toronto canada
Posts: 181
just came back from england,to visit my sick mother..
had a few beers over there ,nothing serious and then i get back home and drank for two weeks and ended up in hospital.
im thinking the stuff that they make beer out of over here really disagrees with me.
my withdrawl has been terrible/it's been two weeks and i still can't sleep ..it's driving me crazy...never suffered insomnia like this before.
i tend to think it's my higher power teaching me a lesson?
i think after my step 3 which i take seriously...that when i slip he's gonna teach me an even harder lesson....
i know i can never drink again,the remorse and guilt is indescribable...
any thoughts?
had a few beers over there ,nothing serious and then i get back home and drank for two weeks and ended up in hospital.
im thinking the stuff that they make beer out of over here really disagrees with me.
my withdrawl has been terrible/it's been two weeks and i still can't sleep ..it's driving me crazy...never suffered insomnia like this before.
i tend to think it's my higher power teaching me a lesson?
i think after my step 3 which i take seriously...that when i slip he's gonna teach me an even harder lesson....
i know i can never drink again,the remorse and guilt is indescribable...
any thoughts?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: toronto canada
Posts: 181
hi dee.
yes i know many people in aa.
i have a sponsor but i dont contact him much/tending to think my hp was my sponsor.
done all the steps even been booked /you know the first 88 pages.
trouble is i get every thing back that i lost and start feelin like a million dollars again .and forget about how bad it was last time.
but this last time was soooo emotionally bad i dont think i will forget .
i cannot go through thoose withdrawls again..i dont have another recovery in me.
im 47 and i surrender to it/it's like fighting bruce lee i can never win
yes i know many people in aa.
i have a sponsor but i dont contact him much/tending to think my hp was my sponsor.
done all the steps even been booked /you know the first 88 pages.
trouble is i get every thing back that i lost and start feelin like a million dollars again .and forget about how bad it was last time.
but this last time was soooo emotionally bad i dont think i will forget .
i cannot go through thoose withdrawls again..i dont have another recovery in me.
im 47 and i surrender to it/it's like fighting bruce lee i can never win
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: toronto canada
Posts: 181
hi anna .
thanks for the welcome.
have been sniffing around here for some time.
read some great thoughts.
seems like a wonderful tool to help manage my disease.
this time im for real i wilNOT drink again one day at a time.
i want my life back and intend to have it.
i will not go down that disgusting dead end road again
thanks for the welcome.
have been sniffing around here for some time.
read some great thoughts.
seems like a wonderful tool to help manage my disease.
this time im for real i wilNOT drink again one day at a time.
i want my life back and intend to have it.
i will not go down that disgusting dead end road again
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: toronto canada
Posts: 181
thank you carol.
i feel like i belong.
been to hundreds of aa meetings and many of them were people talking about any thing but alcohol.
i need a forum where i can come to and discuss alcoholism and recognize it for what it is...a soul destroying killer/that wants me dead
i feel like i belong.
been to hundreds of aa meetings and many of them were people talking about any thing but alcohol.
i need a forum where i can come to and discuss alcoholism and recognize it for what it is...a soul destroying killer/that wants me dead
Welcome
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Virginia
Posts: 818
Going to AA will not accomplish anything if you don't seriously work the program. It doesn't appear to me that you do. You have a sponsor but mostly rely on your HP to be your sponsor? You've done the steps, but with whom and how thoroughly? I would suggest that you find a new sponsor and begin again with step one.
And find some new meetings. If the "hundreds" you've attended don't discuss alcoholism and recovery then you're going to the wrong meetings. Toronto is a big city. I'm sure that there are a lot of meetings there that concentrate on alcoholism and focus their discussions on the program of AA.
And find some new meetings. If the "hundreds" you've attended don't discuss alcoholism and recovery then you're going to the wrong meetings. Toronto is a big city. I'm sure that there are a lot of meetings there that concentrate on alcoholism and focus their discussions on the program of AA.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome ulverston! This is my third time getting sober and I definitely had more issues with withdrawals this time. The first two times I didn't really notice much. It's amazing how much of a beating we're willing to take just to have one more drink...... 
I know this is it for me and it sounds like you've decided the same thing, too. Things can only get better from here!
I know this is it for me and it sounds like you've decided the same thing, too. Things can only get better from here!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Great Outdoors
Posts: 1,992
"my withdrawl has been terrible/it's been two weeks and i still can't sleep ..it's driving me crazy...never suffered insomnia like this before.
i tend to think it's my higher power teaching me a lesson?"
That is a crazy kat idea...I never heard of a vindictive HP...I have to attack this a different way..I have used the opposite approach. I held on to the butt ugly aspects of drinking..heck you have a couple you can use right in your post..you say one of your thoughts is you deserve a few beers..you work hard..but the payoff is a trip to the hospital? Alcohol is truly vile..it will eventually attack your organs..and you need them to live. I found other rewards..you can post here more..someone is always here. Read up on the damage you are doing to your body by drinking. Take long walks. Alcohol is a major cause of insomnia. Try herbal teas. Try anything EXCEPT beer. I wish you well!
i tend to think it's my higher power teaching me a lesson?"
That is a crazy kat idea...I never heard of a vindictive HP...I have to attack this a different way..I have used the opposite approach. I held on to the butt ugly aspects of drinking..heck you have a couple you can use right in your post..you say one of your thoughts is you deserve a few beers..you work hard..but the payoff is a trip to the hospital? Alcohol is truly vile..it will eventually attack your organs..and you need them to live. I found other rewards..you can post here more..someone is always here. Read up on the damage you are doing to your body by drinking. Take long walks. Alcohol is a major cause of insomnia. Try herbal teas. Try anything EXCEPT beer. I wish you well!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: toronto canada
Posts: 181
what i mean by being booked is that i was taken through the first 88 pages.
by a recovered alcoholic,to see what i mean you can google bookers and you will understand what i'm talking about.
it takes about 40 to 60 hours of very hard self searching to get to the root cause of my alcoholism...i did indeed have a spiritual awakening...
and what i mean by my step 3 being so important to me is that when i entered into a contract to turn my will and life over to the care of GOD ...it is a very real contract .but when i take my will back and try and live my life on my terms .i usually end up drinking again .and i believe my hp says to me /thats NOT what we agreed and i get a very humbling painful reminder of what i entered into.
i am in no doubt whatever this is the case because when i surrender and do GODS will my life is great
by a recovered alcoholic,to see what i mean you can google bookers and you will understand what i'm talking about.
it takes about 40 to 60 hours of very hard self searching to get to the root cause of my alcoholism...i did indeed have a spiritual awakening...
and what i mean by my step 3 being so important to me is that when i entered into a contract to turn my will and life over to the care of GOD ...it is a very real contract .but when i take my will back and try and live my life on my terms .i usually end up drinking again .and i believe my hp says to me /thats NOT what we agreed and i get a very humbling painful reminder of what i entered into.
i am in no doubt whatever this is the case because when i surrender and do GODS will my life is great
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