JohnBarleycorn

Conventional wisdom has it that recovery is one day at a time, when in fact, ADDICTION IS.

When we are addicted, all we care about is today - the next high, the next fix, and that feeling supersedes any thoughts of the long-term future. It is only when we stop using that we can focus on the future.

We know the date on which we where born and celebrate birthdays, but do we know how many days it has been since our last birthday, or how old we are down to the day?

Why then do we count sober days?

Celicia

I think we count sober days coz its like a victory over something that used 2 have a hold over us that no longer has that hold

LaFemme

I voted for #2 but #3 is more apt. I acknowledge sober anniversaries but do not intend to celebrate them.

LaFemme

Im not much of one for celebrating other milestones either.

Toronto68

I think that's an interesting way of looking at how we value time in the two different modes of existence (being drugged up vs not); and also an interesting reverse view of the old saying.

I don't know which I should choose in my answer to the question, because I feel like I am between the first and second options. I have checked on my sobertime many times since I quit, but I also go for small periods without checking too. For example, I am lately at the point where I will say I have 15 or 16 months and not really know which one is the exact truth, whereas this would have been of huge importance at 5 or 6 months, I would have wanted the credit for all of those.

Your post also got me thinking about my attitude toward the time we rack up after quitting - the idea that we are or are not exercising the right kind of humility or what-have-you if we are concerning ourselves with the time we stack up. I remember this person making me feel deflated when I had my One Year when she said that "Now the real work starts"...She had also indicated some prior criticism or interrogation into why I wouldn't use AA. The whole thing left me with a resentful "Screw you, lady" feeling. I think I was basically right. Yes, there was some pride involved. But what are you supposed to do? NOT care about what you have put into the whole thing? I think there's something valuable in my "script" I keep using here about people giving themselves credit for what they do achieve. There will be plenty of times we can say to ourselves, "Good for you, you managed to grow up and act your age" or "Good for you, you are doing what is common sense to most people instead of behaving insanely." I think that kind of talk is good to dress yourself down and not take things so seriously and avoid constant temptations to conduct a pity party. But what if it's also damaging and beating yourself up too? I may not know for a long time whether I am being a fence-sitter or whether I am (wisely) using give and take skills with myself. That's what I sticking to for now.

Anyway, I have somewhere between one and two years, and I think it is 15 or 16 months and will check when I am done this post! I don't own half the world, but I've got what I've got and it has to count!

ozgoddess

I think in early recovery it becomes a focus to help us get through and gives us a sense of achievement. Personally, I stopped counting days at around 60ish. A good friend of mine said "counting days is for prisoners". I get the logic behind that and I guess I was feeling a bit chained to my days. I still continue to live one day at a time, i just don't count them

However, we are all different and I say if counting days is what keeps you sober then count away.

OklaBH

I love this thread! I was so fixated on days that I lost sight of real growth and recovery.

lookinforward

I am becoming addicted to being sober.

Harleybobber

When you spend your days shaking, stuff flying out of both ends, not sleeping,not eating, and wishing the good lord would take you while you DT, you have a tendancy to count every minute. Then again, what the heck do I know.
8 days, 16 hrs, 11 mins clean.
Life is getting better

JohnBarleycorn

This "old saying" was created by addicted people for addicted people, and it is precisely because it mirrors the very mindset one already had when addicted that it seems to make so much sense.

"Time" is thrown around in certain circles as a status symbol. It is fine to be proud of one's accomplishments, and to celebrate them, but as you found out, "time" is not always used in a benevolent manner.

Lately if people ask me how much "time" I have, and I suspect that their motive for doing so is not benevolent, I will say "That need not concern you; all you need to know is that I don't drink, that I will never drink, and that I will never change my mind."

I know my "sobriety date," and I recently reached a "milestone" in "sober time" - a "chip" date - but decided not to post about it in the forums. I don't think that I will do so in the future, either.

JohnBarleycorn

This can happen to the best of us until we "snap out of it." :-)

Dee74

Counting days was important to me in the beginning, precisely for the reasons Harleybobber suggests - it was an ordeal, for one, and literally a new beginning for me.

My sober anniversary is still important to me - I don't 'celebrate' it but I do spend the day thinking about where I've been, where I am and where I'm going.

I'm also very privileged to be part of this community where they never let me forget my birthday LOL

I have no problem if someone else wants to count days, or if they don't.
Whatever works

D

JohnBarleycorn

As long as you don't drink/use, life will probably continue to get better, friend.

Stay the course, and never, ever give up!

RebelAngel

At the moment I AM counting because its new & exciting, but this thread has really made me think. Thank you.
I look forward to being secure enough in my sobriety that it DOESN'T MATTER how long its been. Now THAT will be a day worth celebrating...

Peace x

JohnBarleycorn

It will.

When it does, I hope that you will remember to celebrate by telling someone who is struggling that their day will come too! :-)

Surlyredhead

I also counted days in the beginning. It seemed that with each new one, I was amazed that I made it that far!! Those first three tags, 30 days, 60 days, 90 days were something I had never...NEVER, thought I would earn. Now, (like Dee) I don't necessarily "celebrate" anniversaries..but I do post something. I think it is important to let those new to recovery...that it really is possible to gather a few years, and that life really does get better!!

Cathy

Fandy

at first I was obsessed with counting simply because I couldn't believe I was sober...had a fall back last July and drank "in moderation" (or tried it on)..and graduated to a full-blown 2 day sulky binge last August.

as I figured out I wasn't doing myself any favors, I resumed being sober and now I still try to remember how many days and write the total down on my kitchen wall calendar once a month.

One thing I do is wake up every morning and appreciate the fact that I am sober, not hungover, my BP is not through the roof, I'm not having heart-pounding palps. I sign into the gratitude threads....same thing in the evening.

so I count but I try not to obsess....

Nineplus

Birthdays (or anniversaries) are a big deal in fighting alcoholism. You never forget your first one and with celebrating each one after that you find you are peeling away those layers of the onion and growing spiritually.

WatchTheSky

When I first got sober, counting days was so important to me. In some moments, "not going back to day one" was my sole motivation for not drinking. It was simple and succinct. I don't count days anymore, but on milestones, I really reflect on how much things have changed.

laurie6781

I counted days until I reached 30 days, and then it was 3 months, 6 months, 9 months and then 1 year.

I continue to count my years. My sober birthday has become much more important to me than my natal birthday over all these years. Why? Because that is when I really started to have a life.

I got sober 3 weeks shy of my 36th birthday and I would not wish those years of havoc on my worst enemy. I celebrate my recovery because I am celebrating the life I have found since recovery.

This June 7th, it will be 30 years.

This is what has and still is working for me.

Love and hugs,