Not sure what to do
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
Originally Posted by Veritas1 
Thinking about the wine on the counter and how much it costs, can't waste it, must drink it...That is the mental obsession.
Think about it, Veritas, those times when it seems like I'm doing fine, don't miss drinking at all. It doesn't seem like there is any mental obsession going on.
And suddenly, that insane idea of picking up a drink makes sense to me. I can somehow twist it and have it make sense. So many people relapse just like that, without ever being aware of any mental obsession.
Then that alkie mind spins the facts and makes up all sorts of excuses and reasons why they drank. It always seems like a choice of some sort, to keep the ego comfortable and in control.
That's why I look at the facts. The facts are, a decision was made to not drink, and a drink was drunk.
is really trying!
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: On the road to serenity via soberville
Posts: 236
Welcome. See how many of us share your experience. I thought I must be the only woman IN THE WORLD who felt that way. Sadly there are loads of us. Happily there are also loads of joyous, sober people right here who know what you are going through & can help you find a better life. The one you and your family deserve.
Well done on making a meeting, its a big step.
Stick around, there are wonderful people here.
Wishing you a measure of peace & a sober day x
Well done on making a meeting, its a big step.
Stick around, there are wonderful people here.
Wishing you a measure of peace & a sober day x
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Michigan
Posts: 111
I'm another with a similar story. It sounds like you know you have a problem, and blackouts (which you definitely had) are a serious signal. I've been sober for 29 days now, and I can tell you that the over-emotional stuff (the pure shame, crying, etc.) will get better if you stay sober for a while. Once you get past that you can start really working on sobriety. I hope you did dump the bottle, and congrats on making it to AA. "Keep coming back."
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 107
Welcome to SR, I can relate to your post and your "bite the dog that bit you" cause for having a beer before noon - somehow that makes my stomach settle from a hangover .... or maybe its because It settles the anxiety that is creeping up my throat due to the fact that I can not remember my night from before.....
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Silicon Valley, USA
Posts: 7
Originally Posted by departure
I can say no to drinking, but when I say yes, it's almost a certainty that I don't stop...I am beginning to realize that moderation may not be something I can manage...went back to bed and lay awake thinking about how awful I felt that I don't remember sharing dinner with my family...I don't need to drink, but when I do, I don't seem to be able to limit myself to an amount that seems acceptable. I think I'm afraid to stop completely. Not stopping isn't working out to well though. I don't know what to do. I'm considering going to an AA meeting at lunchtime to check it out. I don't want to be an alcoholic, but I'm afraid that I am.
The last blackout I remember I wound up at Terminal C at San Jose Airport, ostensibly attempting to pick up some friends who were arriving home from vacation. Well - that was sort of mortifying I have that same throttle control issue: Either wide-open or stop; no in between. As much as I hated to admit it, and as much as I knew I'd miss it, I knew a) I had a problem, and b) I had to stop.
I stopped 10 weeks ago, but I've only started going to meetings last Sunday - those were so I could connect/vent off to folks that would understand/sympathize/empathize. You might have a good idea in trying it out, yourself.
As a warning, some folks (friends, family) may not understand, nor fully support your sobriety. Remember: That's their problem, not yours. You need to do what's best for you, here.
Take care and good luck...DBS
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