Day One
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Portland
Posts: 1,631
Day One
I am tired of starting over. I start my work over, my relationships, my hobbies. I start them over every time I've had a great time out drinking. I start my diet over. I start my laundry over.
I want to start one time now and make it stick.
I guess what someone might be able to tell me that would help is how to tell people I will now be the sober life of the party rather than the instigator--without becoming maudlin. I'm very close to some of these people, so I can't just say "No Thanks." I will have to explain that this is forever.
I really, really appreciate this opportunity. I'm going to try to write in every day.
I'm sure I will be on here a lot in the next days.
I want to start one time now and make it stick.
I guess what someone might be able to tell me that would help is how to tell people I will now be the sober life of the party rather than the instigator--without becoming maudlin. I'm very close to some of these people, so I can't just say "No Thanks." I will have to explain that this is forever.
I really, really appreciate this opportunity. I'm going to try to write in every day.
I'm sure I will be on here a lot in the next days.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
Welcome Missy...I understand that vicious cycle you are living but I think if you are gonna quit for good, hanging out with these partiers may not be a good idea. That is, if you are serious about quitting. Change your playground and playmates for success. It is too tempting to sit in a room or a bar with everyone drinking and NOT drink. And we all know, once you take that first drink.....
I hope you find the strength to resist and start over for the last time. It is so worth it -really. Do you have any support? This is a great place for that...I am here often...way too often. Hehe Glad you're here.
I hope you find the strength to resist and start over for the last time. It is so worth it -really. Do you have any support? This is a great place for that...I am here often...way too often. Hehe Glad you're here.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Welcome to SR. Hope this is the start of your new start...
If you are close to these people, really close, then I would think they would have your best interest at heart and would be supportive if you told them just what you told us. That the drinking can't continue and that quitting is the only option.
I don't what you mean by being the "sober life of the party," but if you are serious about quitting and recovery, I suggest you put the brakes on partying of any kind until you have nice solid foundation of sober time.
Good luck.
Originally Posted by Missy7 
I guess what someone might be able to tell me that would help is how to tell people I will now be the sober life of the party rather than the instigator--without becoming maudlin. I'm very close to some of these people, so I can't just say "No Thanks." I will have to explain that this is forever.
I don't what you mean by being the "sober life of the party," but if you are serious about quitting and recovery, I suggest you put the brakes on partying of any kind until you have nice solid foundation of sober time.
Good luck.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Welcome Missy
You'll find a lot of support here.
A lot of my friends were partiers too - some supported me, but many of them were incapable of understanding or accepting that I intended to stop drinking for good.
I tried many times to somehow stay sober while living the same party life but I never managed it.
A life that focused on drinking as it central point was no longer appropriate for me.
I had to move on from those people...& I changed...I soon found I didn't miss that life anymore, and I found great new friends and a great new life...and a lot of fun joy and laughter
D
You'll find a lot of support here.
A lot of my friends were partiers too - some supported me, but many of them were incapable of understanding or accepting that I intended to stop drinking for good.
I tried many times to somehow stay sober while living the same party life but I never managed it.
A life that focused on drinking as it central point was no longer appropriate for me.
I had to move on from those people...& I changed...I soon found I didn't miss that life anymore, and I found great new friends and a great new life...and a lot of fun joy and laughter
D
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Hi Missy - glad you've joined us!
I think it's up to you what to tell your friends. I've only told a couple people that knew me pretty well who also drank a lot. I didn't go into the details, just let them know that I got tired of the way alcohol made me feel the next day, that I seemed to drink more than I wanted to, or that I didn't want it to become a problem, so I stopped. All I got was positive responses.
Some people say they're on medication or trying to get healthy....
Hang in there!:ghug3
I think it's up to you what to tell your friends. I've only told a couple people that knew me pretty well who also drank a lot. I didn't go into the details, just let them know that I got tired of the way alcohol made me feel the next day, that I seemed to drink more than I wanted to, or that I didn't want it to become a problem, so I stopped. All I got was positive responses.
Some people say they're on medication or trying to get healthy....
Hang in there!:ghug3
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Portland
Posts: 1,631
Thanks guys
Thank you for your advice and you are right about avoiding situations, but there are a couple of problems. First, the people I'm close to are my adult children--one of whom is a serious wine expert. I don't want the pall of saying I won't have a glass when they would really expect me to.
Another problem is my husband loves karaoke. He's pretty good and it's his main personal diversion. I cannot tell you how good he is to me and how many of my interests he supports. So I must go watch him sing. I can absolutely ask for a glass of tomato juice and have often, but then I decide that a beer would be fine then it's shots of Patron. If I say I cannot go, I will be taking something from him...his midlife crisis solution--which is better than most.
Another problem is my husband loves karaoke. He's pretty good and it's his main personal diversion. I cannot tell you how good he is to me and how many of my interests he supports. So I must go watch him sing. I can absolutely ask for a glass of tomato juice and have often, but then I decide that a beer would be fine then it's shots of Patron. If I say I cannot go, I will be taking something from him...his midlife crisis solution--which is better than most.
Encourager In Training
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: KS
Posts: 717
Originally Posted by Missy7
I don't want the pall of saying I won't have a glass when they would really expect me to.
..........
If I say I cannot go, I will be taking something from him...
..........
If I say I cannot go, I will be taking something from him...
Proud of you. Please keep posting!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I think it really goes back to what Carl said then Missy
Is it the telling them that's the hard part for you?
D
If you are close to these people, really close, then I would think they would have your best interest at heart and would be supportive
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Portland
Posts: 1,631
Right
I don't want to admit it. Don't want to say "I'm an alcoholic." My father was a fabulous alcoholic, you know, the lying in the bushes screaming type? Lovely man we all loved--except that. I don't want this to become my personality any more than I want the drinking to define me.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Well I told everybody - but then everyone knew... I was the neighbourhood and family drunk.
I thought the people close to me deserved to know, but I understand my way is not for everyone.
Others here have handled it differently and told no one and that works too - but that means you need to deal with the no thanks issue.
If you don't want to get into it right now, I guess you'll need a cover story....I think Carol's suggestion below is great
D
I thought the people close to me deserved to know, but I understand my way is not for everyone.
Others here have handled it differently and told no one and that works too - but that means you need to deal with the no thanks issue.
If you don't want to get into it right now, I guess you'll need a cover story....I think Carol's suggestion below is great
D
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Ok...how about telling your loved ones you are going
to quit to improve your chances for a healthy future?
That is not a lie ..drinking does cause damage to our mind
and bodies....not only to alcoholics either.
Heck..you might become a trend setter for the others....
to quit to improve your chances for a healthy future?
That is not a lie ..drinking does cause damage to our mind
and bodies....not only to alcoholics either.
Heck..you might become a trend setter for the others....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Portland
Posts: 1,631
I'm so glad you guys are here
I don't like to make big deals of things. I don't want to make a declaration. I don't even want to admit that I don't want to admit it. And my family would be incredibly gracious. They love me and want me to be my smart, funny self--not tired and red-faced.
I even feel ridiculous talking about it on here. But I'm going to stop feeling like that. If I can't say to you guys that yesterday as my husband and I pulled into our favorite bar for a single drink so I would feel better from Friday's hangover, every fibre in my body was crying, "tell him to go home. tell him to go home." But I didn't. One drink turned into five. Then a trip to a frivolous store and another bar (the store was the bartender's recommendation--had to tell her we had liked it). One drink turned into two. Then to our usual karaoke place--where I promised only white wine. I managed that but added a shot of patron at the end.
I don't remember much of last night (very common occurrence). And I lost an antique earring that I had put on and told my husband before we went out--I cannot lose these. I cannot lose these. Sure 'nuf. Lost one.
That's after having lost a beautiful bracelet my sister gave me for my 50th birthday in October a month or two ago. I think it's a sign.
I am grateful though that tomorrow I will feel pretty good, I'll just be a little jumpy, and shockingly, God will continue to give me new chances to get it right.
I even feel ridiculous talking about it on here. But I'm going to stop feeling like that. If I can't say to you guys that yesterday as my husband and I pulled into our favorite bar for a single drink so I would feel better from Friday's hangover, every fibre in my body was crying, "tell him to go home. tell him to go home." But I didn't. One drink turned into five. Then a trip to a frivolous store and another bar (the store was the bartender's recommendation--had to tell her we had liked it). One drink turned into two. Then to our usual karaoke place--where I promised only white wine. I managed that but added a shot of patron at the end.
I don't remember much of last night (very common occurrence). And I lost an antique earring that I had put on and told my husband before we went out--I cannot lose these. I cannot lose these. Sure 'nuf. Lost one.
That's after having lost a beautiful bracelet my sister gave me for my 50th birthday in October a month or two ago. I think it's a sign.
I am grateful though that tomorrow I will feel pretty good, I'll just be a little jumpy, and shockingly, God will continue to give me new chances to get it right.
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Whoa!
Welcome Missy. Glad you found us.
I used to be the family wine expert too! Wine wasn't my drink of choice towards the end of my drinking days, but I was pretty good back in the day. I have grown kids too. THey did the usual Dad you aren't an alcoholic you just need to stop at three or that they never noticed me drinking too much. I told them they will just have to accept that when I can't stop drinking I have to stop drinking completely not slow down. Neither of them smoke and I used to smoke three packs a day. Neither of them had any issue when I quit smoking and drinking because they didn't smoke. I told them both that they need to realize that their Dad and their grandfathers on both sides of the family were alcoholics, albeit well behaved alcoholics who never showed out much because our tolerance was so high. None of us had issues when in our 20's and 30's but the 40's and 50's started to be the three drink lunch and a six pack at least with a few glasses of wine to unwind at night. I pointed out that they were in that stage and that I would not preach about drinking to them, if they would not preach about drinking again to me. I told them that I wasn't the best example in the past even if they never saw me stumbling drunk. But starting now I won't preach, instead lead by example.
My wife still drinks her two scotches at night and still smokes outside. My decision to not drink or smoke has nothing to do with her. It isn't a test of willpower having her scotch/smokes in the house. Nor is it anything other than what it is. A household with one drinker in it, and one non drinker. One smoker, and one non smoker.
To me it makes no difference if it is ten feet away from me or ten blocks to the liquor store. I no longer drink alcohol or smoke.
Our children regardless of age still look to us as the ones in the lead. Mine still come to me for advice and support when things are rough. They also like to spend time with us. They asked if it was OK to drink around me one night at a gathering over at my youngest son's (34) house. I looked at him with a shocked expression and asked was it OK if I didn't! There was a beat, and then we both laughed and no problems since.
If either of them had a problem with it, that would be their problem not mine. They wouldn't want me trying to run their lives. They wouldn't presume to try to run mine. They are good people.
I'll bet yours are good people too.
I'm in my seventh month sober. It is no longer a big deal. For me or anybody else. It is a big deal when I stop and think how nice the days can be, even if not spent in a dark place, in an alcohol altered state, loud enough to have to yell to be heard, and missing the day and the little details that make life such a great roller coaster ride.
What happens if you are not your smart funny self when sober? It took me a few months to get my sense of humor back. The five drinks plus humor wasn't.
You'll figure it out if you decide to stop for good.
I used to be the family wine expert too! Wine wasn't my drink of choice towards the end of my drinking days, but I was pretty good back in the day. I have grown kids too. THey did the usual Dad you aren't an alcoholic you just need to stop at three or that they never noticed me drinking too much. I told them they will just have to accept that when I can't stop drinking I have to stop drinking completely not slow down. Neither of them smoke and I used to smoke three packs a day. Neither of them had any issue when I quit smoking and drinking because they didn't smoke. I told them both that they need to realize that their Dad and their grandfathers on both sides of the family were alcoholics, albeit well behaved alcoholics who never showed out much because our tolerance was so high. None of us had issues when in our 20's and 30's but the 40's and 50's started to be the three drink lunch and a six pack at least with a few glasses of wine to unwind at night. I pointed out that they were in that stage and that I would not preach about drinking to them, if they would not preach about drinking again to me. I told them that I wasn't the best example in the past even if they never saw me stumbling drunk. But starting now I won't preach, instead lead by example.
My wife still drinks her two scotches at night and still smokes outside. My decision to not drink or smoke has nothing to do with her. It isn't a test of willpower having her scotch/smokes in the house. Nor is it anything other than what it is. A household with one drinker in it, and one non drinker. One smoker, and one non smoker.
To me it makes no difference if it is ten feet away from me or ten blocks to the liquor store. I no longer drink alcohol or smoke.
Our children regardless of age still look to us as the ones in the lead. Mine still come to me for advice and support when things are rough. They also like to spend time with us. They asked if it was OK to drink around me one night at a gathering over at my youngest son's (34) house. I looked at him with a shocked expression and asked was it OK if I didn't! There was a beat, and then we both laughed and no problems since.
If either of them had a problem with it, that would be their problem not mine. They wouldn't want me trying to run their lives. They wouldn't presume to try to run mine. They are good people.
I'll bet yours are good people too.
I'm in my seventh month sober. It is no longer a big deal. For me or anybody else. It is a big deal when I stop and think how nice the days can be, even if not spent in a dark place, in an alcohol altered state, loud enough to have to yell to be heard, and missing the day and the little details that make life such a great roller coaster ride.
What happens if you are not your smart funny self when sober? It took me a few months to get my sense of humor back. The five drinks plus humor wasn't.
You'll figure it out if you decide to stop for good.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Louisville, KY
Posts: 113
For me, I have two choices- I can either die from alcoholism or not. Its really that simple. I don't care what other people think, I am ready to lose friends to become sober. I just thank God I have a wife that supports me. Good luck...
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