Sometimes it happens for others differently than it does for you
Snarf Snarf
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: ATL
Posts: 835
Sometimes it happens for others differently than it does for you
Every single day, I am so very thankful for each and every person who visits and/or posts on this site. No matter who you are, where you're from, what you've done in your past, what program you're using or not using, how many drinks or drugs you may have tonight or tomorrow...At least we're all here.
Since I've gotten a little time under my belt, I've noticed that I sometimes have the tendency to over-simplify things when talking with others who are struggling. To be perfectly honest, though I do work hard on my recovery and bettering my life, it has come pretty easy to me over this past year. It was like after years and years of struggling, something flipped the proverbial switch, and I knew that my life had to go in a different direction. And that direction did not include alcohol. Sure there have been certain times or situations where it has been difficult, but overall, I just know that I can't drink anymore, so it's really not that big of a deal.
Unfortunately I find that I sometimes think the same should be true of others.
When I talk with people who ask me how I don't drink, I sometimes say something smarta%$ like, "Well, I don't pick up a container with alcohol in it, and I don't put it to my lips. I just DON'T DRINK IT. It's actually physically easier than exerting the effort TO drink it."
What I really need to keep in mind is that it wasn't always this "easy" for me. For well over a decade, I was a hot mess with my drinking, and for at least 5 years (probably more...hard to tell when you're wasted all the time) I was angry with myself, disappointed, embarrassed, depressed, lacking any self-worth...I was pretty much beat down. And I did it all to myself. I would get wasted one night (most nights), feel like absolute garbage the next morning (physically, mentally, spiritually), and vow to never do that to myself again. The cycle usually restarted in fewer than 12 hours.
So for quite a while, I knew there was a problem with my drinking. Perhaps I couldn't conceptualize it, perhaps I couldn't allow myself to see what I was doing to my life and to others around me, or perhaps I was just always too jacked up to know better. But I know that on some level, maybe just instinctual, I knew for a while that I had a big problem. And try as I might, I just couldn't tackle that problem.
So from now on, I'm going to try to be more receptive to others. I'm going to try to remember that I was once in the same position as this person that I'm talking to. I'm going to try to keep in mind that at one time I was the person who "relapsed" every 2 days. My job isn't to judge others who have not yet reached the point that I'm at; my job is to help get them there.
I'm so thankful that I've reached a point in my life where not only do I notice my faults, but I consciously take note of and try to address them. It may not always work, and since I'm human like everyone else, I know that from time to time I'll slip back into those old behaviors. But I'm gonna try to make the time between those instances as long as possible.
No matter why you're here, or how long you've been here, or where you're joining us from, thanks for being here. Sometimes it takes a while. It took a long time for me to experience my mental and spiritual change, but when I did, it was like it happened in an instant. Sure has been a long journey, and the best part is that it's only the beginning.
Since I've gotten a little time under my belt, I've noticed that I sometimes have the tendency to over-simplify things when talking with others who are struggling. To be perfectly honest, though I do work hard on my recovery and bettering my life, it has come pretty easy to me over this past year. It was like after years and years of struggling, something flipped the proverbial switch, and I knew that my life had to go in a different direction. And that direction did not include alcohol. Sure there have been certain times or situations where it has been difficult, but overall, I just know that I can't drink anymore, so it's really not that big of a deal.
Unfortunately I find that I sometimes think the same should be true of others.
When I talk with people who ask me how I don't drink, I sometimes say something smarta%$ like, "Well, I don't pick up a container with alcohol in it, and I don't put it to my lips. I just DON'T DRINK IT. It's actually physically easier than exerting the effort TO drink it."
What I really need to keep in mind is that it wasn't always this "easy" for me. For well over a decade, I was a hot mess with my drinking, and for at least 5 years (probably more...hard to tell when you're wasted all the time) I was angry with myself, disappointed, embarrassed, depressed, lacking any self-worth...I was pretty much beat down. And I did it all to myself. I would get wasted one night (most nights), feel like absolute garbage the next morning (physically, mentally, spiritually), and vow to never do that to myself again. The cycle usually restarted in fewer than 12 hours.
So for quite a while, I knew there was a problem with my drinking. Perhaps I couldn't conceptualize it, perhaps I couldn't allow myself to see what I was doing to my life and to others around me, or perhaps I was just always too jacked up to know better. But I know that on some level, maybe just instinctual, I knew for a while that I had a big problem. And try as I might, I just couldn't tackle that problem.
So from now on, I'm going to try to be more receptive to others. I'm going to try to remember that I was once in the same position as this person that I'm talking to. I'm going to try to keep in mind that at one time I was the person who "relapsed" every 2 days. My job isn't to judge others who have not yet reached the point that I'm at; my job is to help get them there.
I'm so thankful that I've reached a point in my life where not only do I notice my faults, but I consciously take note of and try to address them. It may not always work, and since I'm human like everyone else, I know that from time to time I'll slip back into those old behaviors. But I'm gonna try to make the time between those instances as long as possible.
No matter why you're here, or how long you've been here, or where you're joining us from, thanks for being here. Sometimes it takes a while. It took a long time for me to experience my mental and spiritual change, but when I did, it was like it happened in an instant. Sure has been a long journey, and the best part is that it's only the beginning.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Thanks for putting things in perspective. I must be getting the same way as you, as I've been accused of over-simplifying "getting sober." Just like I tended to forget the havoc in my life when I was drinking, I tend to forget how much I stuggled to quit now that I am sober.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
I agree with Super - excellent post!
I remember my first night coming here and how hard it was to talk about myself and even think about getting sober. I agree that having that empathy with those who feel sick and broken is really important, especially in those first few hours/days.
Of course, it depends on where the new person is at. I just know that I wasn't at the point where I could think about activities, programs, or meetings - I was just trying to get through the day! Just a few words of support and knowing I wasn't alone meant all the world to me.
I remember my first night coming here and how hard it was to talk about myself and even think about getting sober. I agree that having that empathy with those who feel sick and broken is really important, especially in those first few hours/days.
Of course, it depends on where the new person is at. I just know that I wasn't at the point where I could think about activities, programs, or meetings - I was just trying to get through the day! Just a few words of support and knowing I wasn't alone meant all the world to me.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Lowcountry
Posts: 2,762
Originally Posted by artsoul 
I agree with Super - excellent post!
I remember my first night coming here and how hard it was to talk about myself and even think about getting sober. I agree that having that empathy with those who feel sick and broken is really important, especially in those first few hours/days.
:
I remember my first night coming here and how hard it was to talk about myself and even think about getting sober. I agree that having that empathy with those who feel sick and broken is really important, especially in those first few hours/days.
:
The last few days have had me trying to remember the crazy fog I was in that first 10-12 days (a year ago !?! ). It's almost surreal, to think of it , now; ......probably the biggest reason for feeling so, soooo, grateful for all the support here at SR.
And seeing how many folks, like you Snarf, have stayed clean and sober this last year has been such an unexpected gift.
Snarf Snarf
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: ATL
Posts: 835
Originally Posted by doggonecarl
Thanks for putting things in perspective. I must be getting the same way as you, as I've been accused of over-simplifying "getting sober." Just like I tended to forget the havoc in my life when I was drinking, I tend to forget how much I stuggled to quit now that I am sober.
In my recovery, I can't forget what it was like to struggle for all those years. I need to always remember that there are countless others who are struggling and for one reason or another just can't put down the bottle. But hopefully they can reach that point, and I'd like to be able to help. In order to do that I need to be conscious of not only how I'm living my life now, but also that it took me an awfully long time to reach this point.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 35,731
Excellent Post Snarf! Your absolutely right. Thanks for reminding me. The truth of the matter is, we are the only ones who can stop drinking. However we get there, however long it takes, whatever program or non program we use. No one can do it for us. Until we get to that realization we will continue to drink. Waiting for something or someone to stop the insanity.
It may sound cold or callus but its the truth. You have to put the alcohol down to begin recovery. In the beginning I took it hour by hour. Sometimes half an hour. Then it was day by day. Eventually the urges fade and the work begins. I guess I over simplify the process and will try to keep in mind your words of wisdom.
Best Wishes To You!
It may sound cold or callus but its the truth. You have to put the alcohol down to begin recovery. In the beginning I took it hour by hour. Sometimes half an hour. Then it was day by day. Eventually the urges fade and the work begins. I guess I over simplify the process and will try to keep in mind your words of wisdom.
Best Wishes To You!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 270
I myself have come to realize that we will not all follow the same path, and that we ought not necessarily do so. I would like to share what I saw last night.
I went to an AA meeting at a group that I had not gone to before, and the speaker was celebrating five years clean and sober that night.
By the description of others who had seen him the first day, this kid (the speaker) had rolled into AA at the age of sixteen looking "like death" after "rehab" and personal counseling had both failed to do the trick.
He was failing out of high school then, but some people helped him, and he is now graduating from college with honors and about to move to a new city for work. Some of the people who helped him came from very different backgrounds - one had been to jail, others never went to college - and they where much older than he was.
They advised him to try and find a new "home group" in his new city, but someone did acknowledged that some people do indeed "move on" after getting better.
Both the speaker and his parents acknowledged and where thankful for the help that the people in this group and AA provided.
A few things stood out about this particular group. First, by "group conscience," they do not sign "court slips", so nobody was there that did not want to be there. There where no forced attendees present.
Although in this particular case, some could certainly have said it, I did not hear any talk that night about how AA is "the last house on the block" or how AA works if and when you "get honest" or any of the other usual pompous talk.
It was a story of someone who came in needing help, who was offered help, and who, after using the AA program, came out better than when he came in. They people who helped him where glad for his progress and accomplishments, and though they will no doubt miss him, they where willing to let him go so that he might progress even further.
I have many reservations about certain aspects of AA, and I do not believe that it can work for everyone, but what I saw last night struck me as an example of "communal" AA at it's finest.
I went to an AA meeting at a group that I had not gone to before, and the speaker was celebrating five years clean and sober that night.
By the description of others who had seen him the first day, this kid (the speaker) had rolled into AA at the age of sixteen looking "like death" after "rehab" and personal counseling had both failed to do the trick.
He was failing out of high school then, but some people helped him, and he is now graduating from college with honors and about to move to a new city for work. Some of the people who helped him came from very different backgrounds - one had been to jail, others never went to college - and they where much older than he was.
They advised him to try and find a new "home group" in his new city, but someone did acknowledged that some people do indeed "move on" after getting better.
Both the speaker and his parents acknowledged and where thankful for the help that the people in this group and AA provided.
A few things stood out about this particular group. First, by "group conscience," they do not sign "court slips", so nobody was there that did not want to be there. There where no forced attendees present.
Although in this particular case, some could certainly have said it, I did not hear any talk that night about how AA is "the last house on the block" or how AA works if and when you "get honest" or any of the other usual pompous talk.
It was a story of someone who came in needing help, who was offered help, and who, after using the AA program, came out better than when he came in. They people who helped him where glad for his progress and accomplishments, and though they will no doubt miss him, they where willing to let him go so that he might progress even further.
I have many reservations about certain aspects of AA, and I do not believe that it can work for everyone, but what I saw last night struck me as an example of "communal" AA at it's finest.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Great post Snarf! As usual
I sometimes think it's been too easy for me, but then I remember the 5 years prior to quitting when I couldn't string 12 hours sober together. It's important to remember those 5 years when people are posting about their own struggles.
I sometimes think it's been too easy for me, but then I remember the 5 years prior to quitting when I couldn't string 12 hours sober together. It's important to remember those 5 years when people are posting about their own struggles.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Vancouver BC
Posts: 64
I think since we all are unique individuals , in unique lives , with unique thoughts , the path is always going to be different even if we use the same guidelines , programs , motivational ideas , whatever....
I hope to have humility when i achieve 6 months , a year , ten years and have empathy for those that will follow , will still be at wits end with the drink.
It is true , we have to decide for ourselves how to make a life of sobriety as, well most folks here, have found life using alcohol is headed for some pretty ugly stuff.
Gee fear when drinking , fear when with withdrawing , err wish fear was enough to stop my relapses but to date , its not enough ..
I hope to have humility when i achieve 6 months , a year , ten years and have empathy for those that will follow , will still be at wits end with the drink.
It is true , we have to decide for ourselves how to make a life of sobriety as, well most folks here, have found life using alcohol is headed for some pretty ugly stuff.
Gee fear when drinking , fear when with withdrawing , err wish fear was enough to stop my relapses but to date , its not enough ..
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