newlife3130

I've been sober for 8 days! Yeah hooray! And it really does feel quite different most of the time! Other times - like tonight I would love to feel normal, and then I start wondering if I really need to stop drinking....? I know I do, but to do that I'll have to say the words... I don't drink anymore. And that would mean that I drank. Not that I fool myself and think that I was sober for most of my life. In fact I think everyone knew that I drank much more than most people. I wasn't a falling down drunk (well, not every night!) and I became cleverer about drinking at home and not drinking and driving (again, most of the time)....

I suppose it's just pride, having made a complete mess of my life I don't really want to admit that it I was the instigator of it all. I'm a teacher and recently moved to a new place (physically) and now I don't even know people to tell that I don't drink. I haven't told my old drinking buddies that I've stopped drinking, and I'm now avoiding meeting people, 'cause I'm not sure if I can handle being me in a new place without alcohol!

What to do....... I can't sit around at home pondering all of this every night.....

hopeful23

Hi newlife,
Congrats on 8 days. That is awesome. I am at day 5 myself, and also a teacher, and also convince myself in the moments that I feel good, "hey what's the big deal if I drink? Look, I stopped for this many days, I don't have a problem!, etc'. Then I count how many times in one day I think about drinking.... when I had a good day at work, when I had a bad day, when I want to socialize, when I just want to watch my favorite movie alone with a 12 rack... whenever I do anything really....
Keep up the good work, and just think how much better we are to our kids and their needs in the morning when we walk into school...sober.

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

I'm glad you have decided to live a sober life.

But, I'm not sure why you feel the need to tell people, especially people you're just meeting, that you don't drink?

When I stopped drinking, there were people who knew I drank too much, but I kept my decision to myself as it was a very difficult and personal decision.

wpainterw

newlife: There are several ways to handle that. One way is to say that "I don't drink much now since I take some medication which doesn't work well when combined with alcohol." When they ask what medication, just say, "Oh I wouldn't want to bore you with that" and change the subject. Or you could say, "Frankly the stuff makes me a little dizzy. How about making me some of that tomato juice with lots of Tabasco?"
It really pissed me off when my father in law, after taking orders for drinks, turned to me and said, "And what will YOU have? ORANGE JUICE?" (ha!ha!ha!). Felt like giving him a good kick in the teeth!

W.

guyinyvr

newlife

Pick up a hobby or social situation where well drinking is not the norm. I know how difficult that can be but they are out there. Where I live the work out gyms don't have bars in them , nor do the YM/WCA's , the libraries , the movie theatres, church , AA meetings...

Good advice for myself as well as my last sprees have just been at home alone...probably part of my problem right there.

newlife3130

True, I guess I'm just so used to living my life loudly .... (i.e. the person telling EVERYBODY at the party their life story...) There's more to quitting drinking than just not drinking! Thanks for the replies.... and I'm cheering you on hopeful23 as well!

newlife3130

Its really amazing how often people try to convince you that you SHOULD have a drink. All the previous 100 times I've tried to quit my friends and family always go for the ... but just drink in moderation... advice, and 5 glasses later, you're back where you started!

Thanks for the advice!

EmeraldRose

You shouldn't have to feel like you to explain/excuse anything to new people. All you have to say is that you don't drink. Contrary to popular belief here ARE people who do not drink! My mother has never drank. Ever.
Not drinking is acceptable in this day and age with all these new fango coffee shops and new energy drink and expensive water!
Congratulations on the sober time.

hopeful23

It makes it super hard to begin to understand if there is a problem or not when certain people in your life insist that you have struggles with drinking, and others insist that you are fine and it's not that big of deal, just natural (and I don't just mean the ones who drink to access themselves).
I guess this whole process is the closest that one can get to truly being honest with themselves and making their own opinion about how alcohol affects their life. That has been one of my difficulties, reminding myself that only I truly know how drinking affects my life and I can't justify my actions because others tell me it's no big deal.

I took my dog for a walk yesterday morning. It was comfortably cool and that morning fog was just coming off the ocean. I am holding onto that immediate sense of peace i felt being out there, the smell of spring coming, the fresh air, and none of it was clouded by thoughts of how ****** I felt from last night or what stupid **** I did.... those are moments I am trying to hold on to.

I have faith that as sobriety becomes more normal, so will finding things that I love, that I have just forgotten that I love, or skills that I have that I have not been tapped into because I was always to busy drinking. I imagine that socially, things will become easier as time passes and I will once ask myself "how did I ever have time to drink! I'm so busy!"

Tomorrow will be day 9! Wahoo for you!! Keep the faith, and the dreams, right!

MsCooterBrown

I only tell people I love that I want to tell. Keep a little mystery for the new people you meet..no need to grab a fog horn..

Genie

Should someone offer you a drink say -s ure I'll have a sparkling water, or orange juice, or pop, or juice...whatever. You don't have to tell them you don't drink alcohol. If they ask you if you want alcohol just say no and that's it.

You might want to look up Craig Ferguson on Youtube when he talks about his drinking. He goes on to say that people tell him just to drink responsibly and he says, "I'll try, but, I can't."

I just got over a weekend where I was out with friends that I had not seen in a long time and I abstained. They were like...hey you're not drinking?!!!?? Nope. Told them I couldn't - it had made me ill. They were very cool with that. Real friends do not want to see their friends get ill and no one pushed drinks at me. I ordered sparkling mineral water at dinner and my friends joined me - they thought that was a great idea.

Good luck to you - you can do it!

phytoman

I've been a closet drinker for years. Not many people know the extent of my drinking, and I don't think they necessarily need to know. For the meantime, I'm avoiding any potential social drinking situations.

Zini

Avoiding social situations is hard, but I'm starting to realize how necessary it is in the first few weeks.
Just make sure you do something else, something fun that doesn't involve alcohol, so you don't give into those ideas of feeling isolated, lonely or deprived.
Also:
In a conversation the other day on chat, I was maintaining how a certain function was a big deal. I actually said: "But this is a big deal!"
Response? "Your life is a big deal."
That shut me up real quick.
Yes it is. My life, your life, is the biggest deal there is. Nothing should take priority over that. I keep that statement echoing in my head now. It helps.

gincup

I really hate the 'non-drinking' judgement. I think it's just people recognising their own alcohol problems and by you managing to refuse, it makes them uncomfortable.

I explained this to my girlfriend who said she didn't think it was an issue.

We went for a meal at her parents house.

I turned down a G&T and asked for sparkling water. This prompted 5 minutes of offers of every other alcoholic drink in the house and then a further 5 minutes of 'but why don't you want a drink?'

Am sure it wasn't 10 minute in total but I'm sure you've all experienced similar?

My girlfriend apologised on the way home!

I'm currently wondering what to tell people to. In the past I've said that I had some kind of liver infection and the doctor said that I'm not to drink. I don't want to keep on making up stories, but am not sure if I'm ready to tell people either.

Zini

Yes, having people try and force drinks on you is the worst. And some people can be terrible about it. The worst situation is when you are with someone moderately close and you actually come out and tell them you have a drinking problem and they protest something to the effect of: "you're exaggerating! / I drink almost daily and I'm fine. / You just have to try in moderation! / One little drink won't hurt..."
Here are some excuses I've heard and plan to use:
- I'm taking a round of heavy antibiotics
- I'm on a detox/health kick
- I'm training for a marathon (this one's a little tricky )
- I'm on a round of medication and it lasts six months (this actually happened to a non-alcoholic friend of mine. She'd been thought to have been mildly exposed to TB I think - she was told not to drink a drop as it would destroy her liver)
- I just suddenly realized I don't like the taste (would that fly?)
Anyway, just throwing some ideas into the mix.
It's just appalling how judgmental some people can be about not drinking alcohol. I think gincup's onto something in saying that it may bring up uncomfortable issues for them. I know for a fact I've been one of those people trying to force that last drink on someone who *just didn't want it*

flutter

I never wonder if someone drinks when I first meet them.. I don't really care, to be honest. I don't know if they eat red meat, or do crossword puzzles in their free time either.

Don't borrow trouble that's not here yet I honestly have found that people I meet, and even people I have known for a while don't really care whether or not I drink. And for anyone who feels the need to tell me I should, doesn't have my best interest at heart anyways.

ClosetExtrovert

LOL Zini. Yes, the marathon one wouldn't fly with people that know me, either.
Thanks for the chuckle.
I use the antibiotic one a lot. I've had numerous infections lately. I hope no one is concerned. I sort of hint at gum desease. No one will ask for proof of that. The other one I used to use was that I was on a diet. Then people started yelling at me for being too thin so I scrapped that one. And, in a pinch, I hold up my hand and say, "Not me. I'm the driver tonight!"

bellakeller

I sometimes say, "If you want me taking a nap under your car, you can give me a drink". Not much one can say after that.

eJoshua

Well I don't have a problem telling people "No thanks, I'm a recovering alcoholic.", but then again I don't really give a cr@p what people think of me.

The truth is, after you say this people tend to say either "Oh... OK" or "Good for you." Maybe that's just the people I socialize with, though.

Dee74

I was not only obsessed with my drinking...I used to focus a lot on
other people's drinking - and I mean a lot.

I figured everyone else was like that too.
Now I know that's not the case

A simple 'no thanks' or 'no thanks I don't drink' is usually all that's required for me

D