LeadHatter

I have noticed that when talking to people outside of the recovery community i react in sadness when i hear that they drink.

who would like to remark upon this phenomena.

This seems to be especially notable if i had been assessing this person in terms of friendship and/or dating material.

Would anyone like to offer any thoughts on making friends outside or inside the recovery community, particularly how one should deal with the issue of the other persons drinking if they are outside of the recovery community.

I don't consider myself to have the insight to tell how much someone drinks really so ideally i would hang with TT heads

FWIW i am 3 months and 4 days sober

stacylove

Hi Kevin,

Yes if I ever date again, maybe when I'm 80, I plan to date someone who is clean/sober or at least an occasional drinker. I only get sad if someone drinks if they can't control their liquor.

Although they are not right and I'm still growing here are my other feelings about ppl who drink:

Jealous: I wish that I could go and drink and have a good time, but I know that I can't do this.

Grateful: I am happy that I am not drunk and making a fool of myself and I won't have a hangover in the morning.

Oblivious: Oh well, that's life, people drink.

Angry: I am angry that because I have a drug problem now I as part of my program I can no longer drink, and I never had a problem with alcohol, but alcohol is a drug period.

I'm sure I have many more emotions about alcohol but I'm not sure at this moment, or maybe that's it? IDK lol

Take care amigo,

Stacy

LaFemme

Congrats on 3 months and 4 days!

Hmmmm...interesting question. Last night I was at a cocktail party for work...everyone was drinking and I felt...nothing, except a slight amount of frustration with how tedious the event was. When I first got sober I was a little fearful around people drinking...I was scared of getting tempted. If I knew I was going to be around them I prepped before hand and after the first few minutes I was ok.

I do feel mildly turned off by people drinking...they loose some attractiveness and appeal.

As for dating a drinker...no...I could not date someone who drinks more often than rarely...mostly because I can't conceive of kissing someone who has been drinking...the smell would make me gag.

Its early still..go easy on yourself

stanleyhouse

I have no emotional response to peoples' drinking choices and I don't seek out recovering friends. My friends and family were dear to me while I was drinking and are still my support and social structure now.
What I do know is that the most emotionally, spiritual, productive people I know are non drinkers.
SH

eJoshua

I'd say that when I started trying to get sober I realized that almost all the friends I knew had no way of having fun without booze. That made me kind of sad. I think the only time I get angry or jealous is when people that know I'm trying to quit drink around me, especially if I've asked them not to.

guyinyvr

Hmmm well I guess I view it from the point of view that alcohol is selectively addictive...some people can drink without harm , some can drink heavily with harm but stop at some sane point ...but for me , I am an alcoholic and only stop after a serious set of problems occurs and its progressively getting worse each binge. I will drink to stave off withdrawal or any number of other reasons and once started , I never can say when it will stop.

If I don't feel comfortable around people drinking , I can leave and I need not say anything but " I have to go now , see you again"

I have friends who are alcoholics and are not seeking help yet. I do not judge them but I do let them know there is help when they are ready

My $0.02

guyinyvr

Oh and date a heavy drinker , well I am still married and my wife drinks lightly and not in the house. I could never date a person who drinks more than occasionally and lightly and prefer they did not drink at all. I can't even imagine how tough things would be right now if my wife was also an alcoholic but I have known couples both battling together and its very tough.

Crow3000

Other people drinking, even to the point of severe intoxication, doesn't bother me. As long as you dont throw up on me, or abuse me, or hit me with your car, I'm good. I definitely agree though that people's attractiveness tends to drop after a few too many. also, because I was always drunk around other drunk people I never got used to or familiar with how drunk people act, in other words i have trouble "reading" people when they are intoxicated. it's like only drunk people can read or speak drunk.

nandm

I have friends that drink but do not drink alcoholically. They knew me prior to my stopping drinking but only for a short time. It was a bit awkward at first when they found out I was an alcoholic but we were able to work past it. At first they checked with me to make sure it would not bother me if they had a drink in front of me if they wanted a glass of wine with dinner or something. But eventually they learned that because they do not drink alcoholically their drinking did not bother me. I could never leave a glass of any alcoholic beverage half full, I would have to finish it but they can walk away after only a half a glass of wine. I have even bought them a nice bottle of wine for their housewarming party. But that was later in my sobriety. In early sobriety I appreciated the fact that they would not drink in front of me. It was only later in sobriety that I was able to let them know that it was ok for them to drink in front of me. I found it did not bother me anymore since my obsession for alcohol has been lifted. I encourage you to be honest with people that you care about in life and if they have the potential to be true friends they will understand and respect the fact you do not drink and be supportive of that.

Genjen

I'm in the same boat...

Was talking to a dude in a meeting the other night who says its soooo fun being sober at concerts...someday I'll get there! However it WILL be nice to remember the whole concert!

LeadHatter

well i could ask 'oh do you drink often' but how many true alcies would admit to having a problem. i know myself i was a 'functional' alcoholic for years

OklaBH

A guy I work with HAS to tell me every Monday how much he drank over the weekend. Its always an insane amount and makes me wonder if he is telling the truth. Jaeger, crown, jello shots...all in one sitting. It makes me sick.

wpainterw

Oddly enough it doesn't annoy me. If they start to drink too much and it becomes obvious I find it interesting and think to myself, "Once I was like that!" I really don't mind to be around folks who have drinks and have no problem serving drinks for them as long as I don't catch a whiff of the stuff. I haven't had a drink in nearly 24 years and don't miss it anymore. What I do regret is that I did not give up drinking long long ago.

W.

MsCooterBrown

I too am one that regrets not getting sober earlier..My obsession is gone and I don't mind going to parties but absolutely hate going to bars. I agree with whoever said it up on another post..I don't speak drunk any more. The bars stink (meaning they truly smell) of stale beer and I think I must have used to stink like stale beer too because I did plenty of time in bars! And no not only no but hell no will I ever let my life become entangled with a drunk. I can't put into words the insanity that I lived for YEARS..I am out of it and can't get over how nice life is now. However..sometimes I have to laugh. On the spike channel they have a show that is called JAIL. It is all the big city jails and they film what goes on inside for the booking process. Two drunk guys (Best friends..I think it was in Vegas) get tossed in the drunk tank at least monthly. So to make a long story short..they go thru all these questions..like are you diabetic..are you on any medication..but the kicker question for this funny drunk guy is Do you have any dental problems? He just couldn't stop laughing...as he is laughing his buddy joins in. All the jailer employees were laughing until they were crying..this guy had ONE tooth..and it was GOLD! It was the funniest thing..

gincup

I noticed how boring things were too. I went to a football match at the weekend. I was worried about this, when I'd been in the past (all my friends are life-long supporters of this local team) it had revolved around drinking.

They were all meeting at the pub early in the morning. I managed to avoid that.

While at the football it was strange being surrounded by all these drunk men all of whom seemed more interested in shouting abuse at the opposition fans than actually watching the football. In the past I would have done the same.

This time I actually watched the football and loved it! Who'd have thought going to a football match and actually watching the game could have been so much fun!