I never thought I'd be at this place in my life...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Avondale AZ
Posts: 3
I never thought I'd be at this place in my life...
Hi,
I just accepted the fact today that I'm an addict. Although I have not lost everything in my life and have not had the horrible stories that I hear others tell, I know I am an addict as the drug (currently Endocet 10/325) has begun taking control of my thoughts and actions.
I should have known what was coming when I stopped getting them through a doctor and started getting them off the street. I would still tell myself it was strictly recreational. I was in control.
I feel that I am one of the lucky ones as I decided I will not be one of the statistics and I will quit before it gets out of control. I see the horror I could be facing and I don't want that for my family or myself. I never felt I should even post here or that I was even an addict because I only use a couple at a time. maybe 4 at the most over a day.
I figured that was nothing and there are people with way more problems than me. But I can feel myself sliding. Heading down that road. I already made up this thing where I gave my wife my pills and told her to only give me 2 at a time but I know that I can manipulate her.
I keep trying to think of lies to tell her to get her to give them to me. Today is the perfect example. I only have 2 left and I told her to only give them to me on the weekends. I made up a lie that I wanted them to be gone so I could clean up for awhile. "Ok" she said. easy peasy!
I know that this is the turning point. I know that if I quit now, I can leave it alone but if I keep going I will be one of the horror stories. I keep arguing with myself in my head because I can't imagine never being able to feel that feeling again. Being without it seems horrible. Yet I know if I am already lying to myself and my family to keep using, that I will be doomed.
Have any of you been at this crossroads in your life? Which way did you go?
I just accepted the fact today that I'm an addict. Although I have not lost everything in my life and have not had the horrible stories that I hear others tell, I know I am an addict as the drug (currently Endocet 10/325) has begun taking control of my thoughts and actions.
I should have known what was coming when I stopped getting them through a doctor and started getting them off the street. I would still tell myself it was strictly recreational. I was in control.
I feel that I am one of the lucky ones as I decided I will not be one of the statistics and I will quit before it gets out of control. I see the horror I could be facing and I don't want that for my family or myself. I never felt I should even post here or that I was even an addict because I only use a couple at a time. maybe 4 at the most over a day.
I figured that was nothing and there are people with way more problems than me. But I can feel myself sliding. Heading down that road. I already made up this thing where I gave my wife my pills and told her to only give me 2 at a time but I know that I can manipulate her.
I keep trying to think of lies to tell her to get her to give them to me. Today is the perfect example. I only have 2 left and I told her to only give them to me on the weekends. I made up a lie that I wanted them to be gone so I could clean up for awhile. "Ok" she said. easy peasy!
I know that this is the turning point. I know that if I quit now, I can leave it alone but if I keep going I will be one of the horror stories. I keep arguing with myself in my head because I can't imagine never being able to feel that feeling again. Being without it seems horrible. Yet I know if I am already lying to myself and my family to keep using, that I will be doomed.
Have any of you been at this crossroads in your life? Which way did you go?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,384
Hi Wildcardz
My drug was alcohol, but I faced the same crossroads - I chose a new road with no booze and I'm glad I did
It's scary to consider tho...many times I dipped my tie in...I allowed myself little boltholes, little get out of jail free cards...but I always ended up back in the same place.
The last time I knew I couldn't continue to live my life as it was, and I dove right into recovery.
It's been hard work at times, but oh so worth it.
You'll find a lot of support here - have you thought about real life support as well like NA or SMART? I think the more support we have the greater our chance of success.
We also have a substance abuse forum you may be interested in
Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Welcome to SR
D
My drug was alcohol, but I faced the same crossroads - I chose a new road with no booze and I'm glad I did
It's scary to consider tho...many times I dipped my tie in...I allowed myself little boltholes, little get out of jail free cards...but I always ended up back in the same place.
The last time I knew I couldn't continue to live my life as it was, and I dove right into recovery.
It's been hard work at times, but oh so worth it.
You'll find a lot of support here - have you thought about real life support as well like NA or SMART? I think the more support we have the greater our chance of success.
We also have a substance abuse forum you may be interested in
Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Welcome to SR
D
Life the gift of recovery!
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
Welcome to SR. Glad you found us.
Dee pretty much summed up what I would say but wanted to welcome you as well. Take care and I hope you find the support you need here at SR.
Dee pretty much summed up what I would say but wanted to welcome you as well. Take care and I hope you find the support you need here at SR.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Welcome to SR!!
I'm glad you've found us. I often wonder if I'd reached out for support, if I might have saved myself a lot of misery and consequences.
I knew I was in trouble, but chose to stay in denial, and I hit a pretty low bottom. The fact that you're here BEFORE you lose everything is a really good thing.
I agree with NA, SMART or some other type of support. I mainly use SR, but also have some f2f people who are really supportive and absolutely intolerant of any using. I put them through hell, and they are great, but if I were to use again, I'd be on my own until I got back on "recovery road"...I choose to just stay on that road
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I'm glad you've found us. I often wonder if I'd reached out for support, if I might have saved myself a lot of misery and consequences.
I knew I was in trouble, but chose to stay in denial, and I hit a pretty low bottom. The fact that you're here BEFORE you lose everything is a really good thing.
I agree with NA, SMART or some other type of support. I mainly use SR, but also have some f2f people who are really supportive and absolutely intolerant of any using. I put them through hell, and they are great, but if I were to use again, I'd be on my own until I got back on "recovery road"...I choose to just stay on that road
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Hi and welcome! You're so smart to think about this now.....
I don't think any of us ever thought we'd be at "this place" in our lives either, so you're not alone!
It definitely takes time for the psychological cravings to fade, but when they do, it's a real sense of freedom. Hang around, keep posting and reading - you're in good company!
I don't think any of us ever thought we'd be at "this place" in our lives either, so you're not alone!
It definitely takes time for the psychological cravings to fade, but when they do, it's a real sense of freedom. Hang around, keep posting and reading - you're in good company!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Avondale AZ
Posts: 3
I guess I have information overload because I had a wife that was an alcoholic. I went to meetings with her and everything. I got turned off to those folks however because they told me that smoking weed led to other drugs and insisted that if I was smoking weed I had to be doing other drugs as well.
I was not however. For some reason I never seemed to fit the profile of what anyone considered an addict. Of course at the time I wasn't she was.
I was not however. For some reason I never seemed to fit the profile of what anyone considered an addict. Of course at the time I wasn't she was.
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